Won't tell me what he wants

Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and things were great in the beginning, but now he says I'm boring and he wants more. He says I'm not pleasing him in bed. I talk dirty to him, I have him talk to me about his fantasies and it just isn't working any more. When I ask him what he wants he won't tell me, he says I need to figure it out. I am 38 and he is 29. How can I please him in a new fashion that will knock his socks off? Please help me I’m desperate.

A. Sorry to hear about your situation – the last thing you need when you’re genuinely trying to meet a partner’s needs is to be stonewalled in such a manner. Not only that, he’s adding insult to injury by expecting you to “figure it out”. Your boyfriend’s behavior is hurtful and extremely immature.

A healthy relationship, even if it’s solely a sexual one, is based upon a foundation of trust, respect and open communication. Expecting you to come up with thrilling erotic activities that suit his fancy is absurd. If he’s pouting about something from the past that he thinks you did (or didn't do), then he needs to tell you what the matter is so you can both grow from it – that’s how we do it in the grown-up world.

If you want something truly meaningful with this guy, you won’t buy into his antics a minute longer. You are worthy of much better behavior from a lover and a partner. Why sacrifice any more your time trying to please someone who isn’t willing to participate in the process? If you allow him to continue treating you this way, your relationship stands a good chance of falling apart anyway. Stand up to his juvenile requests and tell him to grow up – that’ll really knock his socks off.