Q. Before I met my boyfriend, my friend had convinced me to buy a vibrator, a very wise buy I might add! I told my boyfriend about it early in our relationship and he used it on me. It was awesome. We had started having sex by then and I hate to say it, but my vibrator has been doing a better job than my boyfriend has. He got me a bigger and better one for my birthday and I would rather use that than him! I want him to be able to have longer stamina and be able to perform sex much better... How do I tell him this without hurting his ego?
A. Sex toys can be great fun within a relationship – but they should be an enhancement, not a replacement, to your sex-life. It is possible that you have become so focussed on your toy-play that you are not giving enough focus to what you can personally do to improve sex with your boyfriend. You imply that you have just started having sex with him. If this is his first experience of sex it may be a mixture of nerves, inexperience, and lack of knowledge that is causing the problems. The solution requires some effort from him to educate himself - and some patience and encouragement on your part to help him do so.
Communication is key to success here; you can express that you would both benefit from a better knowledge of how to improve your game. Encourage him to read our Sex Basics articles as well as some of our more ‘advanced’ articles on ways to improve his performance; such as Fingering, G-Spot Stimulation, Cunnilingus and Female Orgasm - as well as Lasting Longer (with regard to your concerns about his stamina). In order not to hurt his ego why not explore the site together as a joint learning experience to pick up some tips as to how you can improve the experience for him also.
Continue to involve your boyfriend in your toy-play so that it can be a joint source of fun and intimacy. Perhaps include some male toys in your collection so that you can both enjoy using them on each other. See our Sex Toy articles and reviews for ideas on toys you might both like to try.