Q. My boyfriend and I have had sex before, but he doesn’t go step by step. He just puts the condom on and rubs lubricant and sticks it in. I want our sex to be romantic and erotic at the same time - and oral before sex. The thing is I give him the best head ever! But when it comes to me, when he eats me out, literally its a few licks and he expects more head. He doesn’t even know how to eat me out and make me have an orgasm. How do I spice up our sex life and teach him how to eat me out to get MY pleasure in it?.
A. If you want your boyfriend to improve his skills in the oral department, you’ll have to approach the situation with delicacy. Men can be really sensitive to sexual feedback, so structure it in a way that gets you better head, not shuts the door on it. Cunnilingus - Basics and Advanced - are excellent resources to study prior to trying one of the following two approaches.
1. Sensually convey how much of a turn on it’d be if he went down on you. Keep it positive and validate his sexual prowess as you do it. Describe exactly what you’d like him to do to you, first with Fingering and then with his mouth.
2. If he takes the bait, make sure you reinforce what he’s doing with a positive response like “oh that feels so good” or “a bit more, here”, rather than “not like that”.
3. If you see that he’s about to stop short again, don’t panic. He may just need a quick break, so change positions and ask him to finger you while you play with yourself. Give his member some attention as you do this (it’s a good reward) and then gently redirect his attention back to you.
The direct method involves being more up-front about your needs. Choose a moment when he doesn’t seem tired or distracted. Affirm that he is desirable and skillful in the bedroom, even though it may not feel like he is; remember we don’t want to turn him off oral unintentionally. Express how much it would mean to you if he could give your parts extra attention; being playful and sexy about it helps. Tell him you’re willing to make it worth his while, even if it means more 69’s, doing it in the shower, or getting a Brazilian wax, etc. If he has an issue with your taste or smell, it’ll be the last thing he’ll want to admit to you, so wash, groom and adorn your vagina with extra care and attention.