Pain during deep fingering

Q. I'm 19 years old and I just met this guy I really like. The other day he was fingering me and going really deep. It felt really good until I got really bad pains across the lower part of my stomach. I had to make him stop as it hurt too much. Do you have any idea why? Was it just to do with my muscles tightening? Also, I am a virgin and he is quite experienced (I'm told he's amazing in bed), however he has commented that he will be too big. Any suggestions on how to make him fit?


A. This kind of problem might be easily solved by just ‘backing up the bus a bit’ and taking things a little more softly and slowly. If not well lubricated or completely relaxed, vaginal entry via fingering, sex toys, or intercourse can be painful for women. If this is the case for you, the problem might be easily solved with some extra help from a lubricant such as K-Y Jelly and/or extra loving and foreplay prior to your boyfriend entering you.

Now, from what you are saying, it seems that all was going well until you got a severe muscle spasm in your lower abdomen that caused you to have to stop. The medical term for pain or discomfort in a woman's labial, vaginal, or pelvic areas during or after sexual intercourse is called dyspareunia. What you are describing sounds like what is called deep thrust pain – pain located at the cervix or in the lower abdominal area that is noticeable during or after penetration. There are a number of conditions that can cause deep thrust pain, such as anatomical issues, inflammation, sexually transmitted disease (unlikely for a virgin), or infection. You may be able to find relief from extra Lubrication, longer Foreplay prior to entry, relaxation techniques, and/or changing positions.

If you experience this type of pain repeatedly and without relief, I would advise getting checked by your primary health care provider or gynecologist to rule out any other underlying issues. Pain during intercourse or vaginal entry is generally not an emergency, but it is always a good idea to consult your doctor if you experience new or worsening pain, bleeding, or discharge following intercourse or foreplay. For further reading, check out our sexual health article on Dyspareunia.

As far as you being a virgin and your boyfriend being quite experienced – try not to focus on this as you may find that it just compounds the problem. If you are nervous it can make you tense your vaginal muscles, making it harder and more painful for him to enter you (with his fingers or otherwise) and can also inhibit your body’s ability to properly lubricate your vagina, again making the experience less pleasurable and possibly painful. Check out our article Her First Time for more on the subject. Also, please do see your healthcare provider if the problem persists.