Pain during Deep Doggy
Q. Every time my partner goes deep (i.e. in doggy style, deep impact, etc.) it really hurts. It gets really painful and then I'm completely put off with the idea of sex, and then I don't feel horny enough to carry on as I just worry about further pain.
If he goes slow and shallow, it's boring; if he goes slowly and deep, it begins to hurt. But if he goes faster and faster, it really hurts - and in many cases I tell him to stop and I feel bad like I'm doing something wrong. He tells me he's OK about it, but I feel I'm not satisfying him.
Also because we can't do many positions that are 'deep', we are mainly stuck with Missionary as it doesn't hurt whatsoever and it feels nice - so sex seems a little repeated and boring.
How do you reduce the pain? Are there any sex positions that could be recommended?
A. First of all, you are not doing anything wrong and your partner is quite right to tell you that it is absolutely okay. What is not okay is that you are experiencing pain, so YOU are quite right to tell your partner to stop and switch it up to something comfortable. Second of all, just because standard doggy-style is not working for you does not mean that your sex life has to be reduced to only missionary position, or that you cannot satisfy your partner. Doggy-style is a favorite position for many men, but it isn't always a home-run hit for all women, especially when it is causing pain. The length of the vagina varies from woman to woman, and if the length of your partner's penis is longer than your vagina, you may find that the discomfort is from him bumping up against your cervix.
If you want to continue to try this position you may want to make some variations and do a little trial-and-error, while listening to your body and not doing anything that causes you pain. From the standard doggy-style position on all fours, you can try a few things, such as:
- Squeeze your legs together, rather than having them open, and have your chest level with your bottom rather than allowing your back to arch.
- Reach back and put your hand on his lower abdomen, this way you can control how hard and deep he goes.
- Lay on your tummy and have him enter you from behind, again with your legs pressed together.
- Make sure you are well lubricated; if you find that you are not wet enough naturally, don't be afraid to use a store-bought Lubricant.
- Try a little extra foreplay and face-to-face contact to help build intimacy and arousal. This will not only help you to become well lubricated, but also helps many women feel the closeness they need in order to become well relaxed and aroused.
For other variations on the standard doggy-style position, check out Rear Entry positions in our comprehensive Sex Positions Guide. Here you will find various other exciting options that allow for shallower strokes that will be anything but boring! A good position for you may be the Lap Dance since it allows rear entry, while you maintain all of the control over how deep, fast, and hard he penetrates you. The Teaspoons position has also been fondly rated by women experiencing pain during standard doggy-style and other deep-penetration positions. Have a look together and see what tickles your fancy. From there: try, communicate, and try again!
Have a good look through our Sex Positions Guide and you will quickly notice that just because classic doggy-style isn't floating your boat, your sex life definitely does not have to be repetitive or boring … in fact, it can be quite the opposite!