Loss of erection blues

Q. I had sex for the 1st time about two weeks ago, the first time was great everything worked, but the second time I ever had sex I lost my erection and I am going through abject hell. I tried it with my girlfriend in the shower and everything was great at first, but I still didn’t cum and went soft twice. I don’t really understand why that is when everything was going right. I happened to lose it again, but managed to get it back and finish off.

I have barely managed it since. Because of this I am starting to lose interest in my girlfriend and sex altogether and I am becoming really depressed about it. I am on medication that can affect performance, it but I feel that isn’t the main reason for the problem. I need some advice.

A. First of all, speak to your doctor to be sure that this is not due to the Effects of Drugs; your medication might be the problem here. If it is, then the doctor may be able to prescribe an alternative drug that doesn’t have these adverse effects.

If the medication isn’t the problem, then this is a classic case of performance anxiety. The very fact that you are worrying about your erection can be a cause & effect that can develop into a vicious self-perpetuating downward cycle. The solution is to accept that the mind plays tricks on the body and that if you can relax and not worry, your body’s natural mechanisms will kick back in and ‘voila’ your erection will return. Concentrate on enjoying other sexual activities that don’t necessarily rely on a hard penis, such as hand-play, oral, etc. Check out our article on Erectile Dysfunction for more information.

Finally, while your frustrations are entirely understandable, it is a concern that one of the outcomes is a loss of interest in your girlfriend. You need to ask yourself what kind of relationship you have if its survival relies so heavily on pure physical needs.