Is not getting hard normal?
Q. I'm having a couple of problems that I'm very embarrassed about. The first is the girl that I'm sexually active with is way more experienced than me. She says I don't try anything with her because I'm scared of what the response will be, which is true. But the worst part is we tried having sex the other day, I know that I'm not the greatest, so I do everything that makes sure at least she gets something out of it, mainly oral on her and whatnot. But when she said she was ready for me, I couldn't get hard ... I'm young and I'll admit I was nervous, but this has never happened before and it obviously pissed her off. My question is this - is not being able to get hard/nervousness a "normal" problem. Please help, because I think this has ruined any more chances I have with her.
A. It sounds like this girl really intimidates you. When men feel discouraged, nervous, insecure, tired, drunk, stressed out, and so on, it clearly affects their sexual performance. It is absolutely normal for men to have issues getting hard, either when they don’t feel comfortable with their sexual partner, or when they don’t have confidence in their abilities. That’s the drawback of having men’s parts; it is very apparent when they can’t get aroused.
There’s nothing worse than the pressure of rejection to give a guy major performance anxiety. On the other hand, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice by continually criticizing your own skills as a lover. You’re also disregarding your own sexual needs and it is clearly affecting your ability to get turned on. Women are attracted to men who embrace their sexuality and savour it. They also get off on knowing that their man is a skilled lover, but this comes from instinct, and requires an optimistic attitude and a whole lot of practice.
There is no use being threatened by your sexual partner. Since the girl is more experienced than you, make the most of her knowledge! If she wants to give you another chance, let go of your expectations of yourself and show her how much you can enjoy sex. Also, check out our article on Erectile Dysfunction; it is not just the scourge of older men!