Inhibitions during Sex

Q. I need some advice on how to lose my inhibitions and just "let go" during sex. My partner wants me to talk and make noises, and I want to but I just can’t.

A. It may just be that you are not a ‘moaner’ or ‘thrasher’ when it comes to experiencing what may, in fact, be perfectly wonderful sex. If so, then explain this to your partner and re-assure him that all is well. Perhaps try to show a little more physical response to indicate this. However, you are under no obligation to ‘put on a show’, so he should meet you half way by understanding your feelings and being assured that all is well.

On the other hand, if you are making little or no response and YOU are also unhappy with this, then it is time to try and resolve matters.

Many people (both male and female) suffer from hang-ups or inhibitions when it comes to sex. Any mental duress (past or present) can severally curtail your desire or ability to sexually perform in the way you might wish to. Assuming that a house full of folks and paper-thin walls aren’t the problem, then it may be a throw-back to younger years when it may have been suggested that sex was dirty or simply for the purposes of pro-creation, rather than pleasure.

Some reasons for a psychological inhibition are:

• Traumatic sexual experience that is mentally unresolved (e.g., rape or incest)
• Excessive stress
• Relationship woes
• Anxiety about sexual performance
• Depression
• Other Psychiatric conditions

It is imperative to understand that your ability to sexually perform in the way you would like is critically affected by how you view the activity. If you don’t really feel like letting go, but feel you should because her partner has asked, then you are only ensuring tension and an unfulfilled sexual experience.

Talk to your partner and try to work through this together. However, if you are suffering from a psychological inability to ‘let go’ then it is imperative that you seek professional assistance. A doctor will be able to determine accurately what is wrong and what options are available to you.