Inhibitions during Sex
Q. I need some advice on how to lose my inhibitions and just "let go" during sex. My partner wants me to talk and make noises, and I want to but I just can’t.
A. It may just be that you are not a ‘moaner’ or ‘thrasher’ when it comes to experiencing what may, in fact, be perfectly wonderful sex. If so, then explain this to your partner and re-assure him that all is well. Perhaps try to show a little more physical response to indicate this. However, you are under no obligation to ‘put on a show’, so he should meet you half way by understanding your feelings and being assured that all is well.
On the other hand, if you are making little or no response and YOU are also unhappy with this, then it is time to try and resolve matters.
Many people (both male and female) suffer from hang-ups or inhibitions when it comes to sex. Any mental duress (past or present) can severally curtail your desire or ability to sexually perform in the way you might wish to. Assuming that a house full of folks and paper-thin walls aren’t the problem, then it may be a throw-back to younger years when it may have been suggested that sex was dirty or simply for the purposes of pro-creation, rather than pleasure.
Some reasons for a psychological inhibition are:
- Traumatic sexual experience that is mentally unresolved (e.g., rape or incest)
- Excessive stress
- Relationship woes
- Anxiety about sexual performance
- Depression
- Other Psychiatric conditions
It is imperative to understand that your ability to sexually perform in the way you would like is critically affected by how you view the activity. If you don’t really feel like letting go, but feel you should because her partner has asked, then you are only ensuring tension and an unfulfilled sexual experience.
Talk to your partner and try to work through this together. However, if you are suffering from a psychological inability to ‘let go’ then it is imperative that you seek professional assistance. A doctor will be able to determine accurately what is wrong and what options are available to you.
noises
Tell him your not a noisy lover! That is a big porn thing just to make it more interesting. I bet most women are rather quiet, and just moan, make other mild noises and tell him things. He just wants his ego boosted! Tell him you love what he's doing, but noises dont make it better.
I am not noisy, but my bf knows I enjoy what he is doing by my small noises and movements.
just have a go at small
just have a go at small noises at first, you dont even have to use words. begin with little gasps when something feels good, or just a 'mmmm' will suffice.
then work up to saying your partners name, something that is sexy, but doesn't require imagination on your part. by doing these things you will be able to break that inhibition of voicing your thoughts during sex for yourself. eventually you can work towards telling your partner, in words, what you really like, when it happens, and what you enjoy doing to them. "i love it when..."
i was the same way once.....
you shouldn't feel that way if she cares about you. if she knew you weren't good enough then she wouldn't be with you. and if she wants to have sex with you then have sex with her!! lol i'm almost 18 years old and i used to feel the same way with my boyfriend. (i'm a girl btw lol) i always thought that i wasn't pretty and i wasn't good enough to be with him. but we have been together for almost a year now and i know that he loves me because of me and who i am. =]] you're just getting the jidders. lol idk wat else to call them.....but it will pass. i promise. =]]
not feeling confident
I am a sixteen year old male who has a beatiful sexy and healthy girl freind who wants to have sex with me but i feel that im not good enough for her because of the way i look please help me get rid of my nerves
I'm a 19 year old woman
I'm a 19 year old woman dating a 24 year old man. I think he is very handsome and I love everything about him <3 He thinks that I am a beautiful attractive woman and he wants me just as I am, my problem is that I don't think I am. I am very self-conscious and I am afraid he is just saying those things because he wants me to be comfortable with him during sex and let myself go. Even though I have a shit-ton flaws and I think I'm unattractive and all that, there comes a time when you just have to let go of your insecurities. We both feel unattractive and stuff, but we know that the other is telling the truth and we really do love each other, so we find a way to make it work and just give up the fight.
Good luck =)