anal sex

Anal Intercourse

There are many ways to enjoy the anus erotically. Some people enjoy the sensation of a finger inserted into their anal opening and gently rotated. Others may find the insertion of a sex toy or penis very arousing and stimulating. This section contains all the essential guidelines for enjoying anal intercourse.

Getting Started

Some people are not very open to experimentation with this body part, as they are scared that it will cause great amounts of pain, or the whole thought of it is grosses them out. In any event, make sure to communicate with your partner to avoid bad reactions. If your partner refuses, don’t try to force them, it will be a horrible experience for them (and ultimately for you) if they are not comfortable with the idea.

If you are trying to convince your partner to explore this world, using something as large as a penis is definitely not the way to get started. You should start by getting them comfortable being touched in the area, then move up to using a finger or two, and then, when ready, finally moving up to intercourse. Please refer to the anal fingering to please women, or prostate stimulation to please men sections to learn more about anal play, plus using anal sex toys and analingus. Until your partner is ready to receive, their anxieties will cause their anal sphincter to tighten, and trying to push through will be extremely painful, so be patient!

Cleanliness is essential with virtually all forms of this type of play. A bath or a shower is a great primer, and can be the start of the festivities. Once your penis or sex toy has been inside the rectum, don't put them inside anywhere else until you have washed them. Carelessness in this regard can cause a very serious infection. Make sure to use copious amounts of a good lubricant, and start as slowly as possible the first few times.

The Largest Misconceptions of Anal Intercourse

Most people believe that anal intercourse hurts and that it is always an uncomfortable experience. This is quite simply false. As with any form of intercourse, the anus, like the vagina, must become used to the activity. Any woman who remembers her first time having sex probably recalls a painful experience. In fact, the first couple of times were probably painful and not that enjoyable. Did they stop having sex? In almost all cases, they didn’t. Anal intercourse falls under the same guidelines for both genders; it takes practice to get accustomed to the activity. Pain is usually a sign that something is being performed incorrectly, not that the act is wrong. In most cases pain is due to a few reasons: the receiver is too tense and tightening, the giver is pushing too hard, there isn’t enough lubricant, or that the penis or toy is still too big to put in (based on current experience levels). Using fingers and smaller toys is the best way to get used to the feeling, and it is advised that you increase size a little at a time. Once you have become comfortable with the idea and concepts you will probably find it very pleasurable.

The 5 Major Guidelines

  1. Always use a lubricant. Unlike the vagina, the small amount of mucus a rectum produces is completely insufficient for anal intercourse. Therefore anal penetration should always be accompanied with an ample supply of lubricant. Water-based lubricants are latex-compatible and highly recommended.

  2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. If your partner is too tense to experiment, all forms of anal penetration will cause a great deal of pain. We are not saying to stop trying completely, just don’t push yourself onto your partner, as this will only result in a bad experience for them, and make them less willing to try again.

  3. Take it slow. When experimenting with anal sex for the first few times, go slow. There is no rush and if you take your time you will probably both enjoy the experience. There should not be a great deal of forcing required. If lubricated properly, an object should slide in somewhat easily. We recommend using your fingers ahead of time to loosen them up first for the first few times.

  4. Sufficient desire alone does not guarantee pleasurable anal sex. Read the other four points.

  5. Always communicate with your partner. As with any sexual activity, communication is essential. Talk about what you want to do, discuss beforehand your desires, tell your partner what you like and don't like while engaging in anal intercourse. Basically, be open about your preferences and feelings, and, be receptive to theirs.

Understanding the Anus and the Rectum

A minority of men and women respond with orgasms to anal sex without direct genital stimulation. Women probably do so through pelvic muscle contractions - and a small minority through the sheer excitement of being penetrated anally. For men, an orgasm may be experienced because of pressure applied to the prostate gland. They are no doubt responding to indirect stimulation of the penile bulb. Orgasms from anal stimulation are most likely to occur when the participants become thoroughly absorbed in their sensations and fantasies.

The main function of the rectum is to act as a passageway for feces, but feces are not normally stored in the rectum except just prior to a bowel movement. Small amounts may remain in the rectum. This is one of the reasons that it is recommended to use condoms during anal intercourse.

The rectum is not straight - see the sexual anatomy diagrams. After the short anal canal that connects the anal opening to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. Then, after a few more inches, it swoops towards the front of the body again. A person can learn about the shape of his or her rectum by gently inserting a soft object, trying different angles and body positions and concentrating on how it feels. Make sure the object has a flared base so that if you lose your grip, it won't slip into the rectum and become temporarily irretrievable.

If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your anus and press your fingertip against the side, you can clearly feel the two sphincter muscles. There is less than a quarter-inch between them. The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system (voluntary), which means you can tense and relax this sphincter whenever you want. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system (involuntary). The internal sphincter reflects and responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause the anus to tense up automatically even if the person is trying to relax.

There is the risk of sphincter tone (tightness) loss over time due to repeated dilation for insertive intercourse. Stool incontinence (poor control) can occur when anal sphincter tone decreases; this problem has to be surgically corrected if it becomes chronic. This is another very good reason to take things slowly and to never force anal intercourse! Everyone's body has different levels of ability to adapt; if anal intercourse remains painful (or even very uncomfortable) then it is probably best avoided - remember, there are still many other ways to stimulate and enjoy the anal area without full intercourse.

Though it is always wise to practice the safest sex possible, this is especially true with anal intercourse. The lining of the rectum is very thin, and can rip if there is too much stress put on it. By wearing condoms, you can greatly reduce your and your partner’s chances of transmitting most STDs.

Don't rush it

I have enjoyed anal sex before I met my wife but she was reluctant to do anal so I used to insert a finger in her anus during intercourse and when she started enjoying it I asked if I could try inserting my penis in her. I'm not too big but I'm a fan of anal sex, problem is I have had it with someone else and I just loved it and wanted to do it with my wife. She wasn't keen but one night I kept rubbing my erect penis against her vaginal and anus when we were in the spoon position and soon found myself leaking lots of pre-cum. As a result her vaginal and anal area soon became very lubricated so I risked pushing against her anal opening expecting a rebuff but to my surprise and delight my wife offered no resistance and my penis slowly penetrated her anus.

I took a while to get beyond just the head of my penis in but eventually I was able to get most of my penis in and achieve gentle thrusting and achieve orgasm.

Afterwards my wife said she had the most memorable orgasm and wanted to do it again sooner rather than later.

Jillian51894's picture
Love Anal

When I first had anal, my ex and I stumbled upon it and it hurt like a motherfucker! But after that, I realized it wasn't as painful as it had seemed, and I began to love it! But, now I'm with someone else, and after a year of no anal I was afraid that it would hurt again, and surprisingly it didn't hurt at all! I highly suggest giving it a shot, I missed it so much! :D

She loved it

She didn't think it was gonna be fun. Yea that was one time a long long time ago. Convinced her that I really like anal, had it a few times before, and that those girls loved it once they got over the fear.
She was really hesitant, but she knew I wanted it. We followed all the tips, especially pushing out when I started pushing in.
She loved it, in fact anal is now our go to. For us, vaginal is like the foreplay with anal being were we finish.
We like HQ Olive Oil as lube. Damn good stuff and coats it all real good.
She wishes now that she didn't put up such a big fight then, but is so thankful that she tried it for me.

really desparate

My boyfriend is the one who used to insert a finger in my anus during intercourse and when I started enjoying it I asked if he would try inserting his penis in my ass,he said its big and isn't a fan of anal sex,problem is I have had it with someone else and I just loved it,I am starting to think that I should buy an anal plugg and insert it before we have sex,maybe he will be tempted,please advise?

yes, Plug it up

When she knows she wants to have anal, she puts a plug into her asshole before work. Takes it out after work, cleans herself up and then stick a slightly bigger one in until we have sex. Yes, get a toy it will allow your asshole to adapt to the size.

kiki_2011's picture
I did it

For me it was so freaking good but you know in the first time it huts as fuck, but i really like it. don't forget to use LUBE when you do it, :)

lube is key!

lube is key!

I love it

I'm 22 and I first tried it when I was 18. I didn't like it then. My bf had never tried it before so we got drunk and did it. I quite enjoyed it. apparently I require alcohol to relax enough to enjoy it.

Gagging for bum love

I really want to try this with my wife but am worried about the loss of tightness in the sphincter. I recall a porn actress interviewed saying she didn't do anal as she didn't want to be in adult nappies when she was older. Is this a real issue or can it be prevented if done right?

Im 18 && I always wanted to

Im 18 && I always wanted to try anal with my bf but every time we try its just a bad experience for me he wants to just shove it right in my ass && it turn me off completely cause he wont take his time doing it. I still want to try it but how can i get him to make this a better experience for me ?

I enjoy it

I am a woman and I enjoy anal more than my husband likes giving it. I prefer to be stretched out with a plug, beads or vibrator before anal fucking because I like it rough I need to to be stretched a bit beforehand. My husband is 6.5/6.5 and it hurts if I don't get myself prepared. Heated/warming lubes also helps, but always use lube! I also like to have my rabbit in my pussy as he fucks my ass hard, makes me squirt all over the place! Especially when he gets rough and dominates me. Good luck to everyone who is trying to enjoy their or someone else's anus :)

all fun and games

My last gf loved it in the ass.. and i have to admit, she loved it in my ass too. the only thing im happy for is she has small hands ;) (not both at once). the gf b4 i was lucky enough to take her ass cherry. it was not planned at all and was sooo slow and loving. we both loved every min of it. it became a weekly event after that, since we split (great friends now) she has not let anyone in her ass since. i guess im just lucky i was the one hat was trusted enough to do that with her..

LindseyMorgan's picture
first time

so me and my boyfriend tried anal for the first time monday. he was drunk and really "came out of his shell" he was more talkative and open while we were having sex and decided he wanted to have anal sex. i had never really done anything with my butt before but put my finger in a little for him. he was able to get his penis in but once in it hurts pretty bad, enough to make me cry. i didn't want him to know i was hurting so i didn't tell him but once he found out he stopped. what i really want to know is, what can be done to make it more pleasurable for me?

Next Time

Well my advice would be to prepare for the next time around. First thing is to purchase some silicone base lube. This is good because it doesn't dry out as quickly as water based lube and it's good to use with toys. Start with toys also. I recommend using a small and then a medium butt plug. One you're used to having them in then it shouldn't be a problem when your boyfriend enters. USE LOTS OF LUBE. I use the medium one to prep before I have anal sex and it helps. Take your time inserting them and lay on your stomach until you relax. Also, you can use a small vibrator on your clit to help you become more aroused.

The same way around?

Ok, I think we all know, that if you use something for anal sex, you need to wash it before it goes up the vagina, to make sure infections do not come. Now I just wonder, what about guys? Can I get infections in my penis if I do not use condoms during anal sex?
When I read things like "condom is recommended" is it then because of the infection to guys, or the fact that you can pull it off, if you want to go vaginal?


It helps protect the both of you and if you decide to go vaginal again.

Reading many of the entries

Reading many of the entries about this subject there seems to be a common thread taking place:
First: Many of you do not seem to be in very communicative relationships to start with and that is a huge detriment to sexual exploration of any kind.
Secondly: There seems to be an inordinate number of comments on the how the male is forcing the issue. That connects to my initial thread. It takes two trusting people to explore something like anal sex and there seems to be a general lack of this in many of the prior entries. My wife and I have been enjoying anal sex together for a number of years now. It is a WONDERFUL addition to our sexual fun. She loves the feel and orgasms harder anally than vaginally. Yes, baby steps to start AFTER you have mutually agreed to try it. Light touching of the anus, a well-lubed finger or two to start. Perhaps, analingus if both are willing and comfortable. A small toy is the logical next step, once again no surprises. My wife found it easier to try after a drink or two which allowed her to relax when we first started. I am fairly well-endowed so just trying to "crash the gates" would not have worked! She has now become so comfortable with anal sex that we can skip vaginal and go directly there after clitoral play.
(By the way, there are WAY more nerve endings in the area of the anus than in the vagina so if handled correctly, mind-blowing sex can ensue)
The major needs to explore anal sex: TRUST, PATIENCE, LOTS OF LUBE (There are lubrications that can have a numbing effect to make play easier), BABY-STEPS, TRUST (Did I say this already?), COMMUNICATION and CLEANLINESS. If you are not "regular" as a rule, than an enema may be needed and use a condom if there is any doubt. Any more questions, just ask!! And the fear of stool incontinence is not a common one unless you are extremely out of shape in general or have other physical issues. Think Kegel exercises if you don't know what I'm hinting at. A used musclar area rebounds as a rule.

Great advice!

Great advice!

me and my GF have anal sex

me and my GF have anal sex regullary, and it so good. you all have to convince your GF thai it is for pleasure and nothing else. ask them to try it and they will see the result. have fun

freak outs

My boyfriend really wants to try anal. I've been trying to be open minded but it's kind of hard. It was something that happened when I was being raped. I trust my boyfriend completely and want to try it but I always freak out and feel like I'm back there. How can I relax and try it without feeling like I'm being violated again?


I'm really sorry that you experienced something so terrible. It's understandable that it makes you uncomfortable. You should talk to him about it. Let him in on how it makes you feel. Significant others have to be able to listen and accept such things. Once you've talked about it, and if you decide you want to try it, ease into involving that area slowly. Gradually progress from teasing to more involved acts such as using fingers. Take your time with this- it could take weeks, or even months. Once each step feels normal/comfortable, move on to the next after talking w/ your bf. Do this until you progress to and feel comfortable enough to try anal. Hope this helps. Good luck.

I want input from women...

My gf and I are starting to get into the anal scene more seriously. We started with a finger a while back, but last night we started making the trek a bit more adventuresome. Anyway, I'm wondering if I'm too thick for her...I know that my length won't be an issue, I'm not more than 7" and not less than 6.5"...the girth however, is just over 6". Will this be too much always, or with time will we be able to have full penetration anal sex? Ladies, if you've had this sexperience, your input is very much appreciated. Or guys that may be in a similar situation, does it work?

Anal Toys

All I can tell you is to start with small anal toys and slowly build up to toys that are about the same size you are. That way when you're ready for the real thing she'll be prepared

Anal sex

I. Know what you mean me and my bf are thinking about anal sex and he is about your size I'm kinda thinking the same. Like will he be to big but I'm not sure but I'm pretty young I'm a minor well almost 18 and wedont wanna have viaginal intercourse and this is what we wanna do and I really need help

My boyfriend and i are heaps

My boyfriend and i are heaps into anal sex. I'm a girl and my bf is larger then 6" thick... for me the first time wasn't as painful as i was expecting it to be, just a little uncomfortable. We started out with heaps of foreplay like two or three fingers and then he started shallow and gradually got deeper, after we'd done it a few times we were able to have full penetration anal sex. We usually do it in the shower cause i like it better in there. My advice is to start slowly and communicate heaps with your girlfriend about what she likes. Hope that kinda helped!

Dose anyone know if anal can

Dose anyone know if anal can cause hemorids? Or if its safe to have anal with them?

I tried anal for the very

I tried anal for the very first time with my bf, i lubed him up and he fingered lube in me. It didn't hurt 1 bit and he went all in. But with movement i started feeling like i really had to use the bathroom, we had to stop because i was getting paranoid about it. When he pulled out he was 100% clean and said i might have just been a lil paranoid because his water was shut off for maintenance that morning.

My question is, is that feeling to defecate normal for the first few times?


I know I am thinking the same thing like I really don't know me and my bf are soon trying tht and I really don't wanna poop on him like idk it would be soo embarrassing and I just don't know how to not let tht happen and like what can Ouse if we can't buy lube like we are minors and my parents watch what I buy..?!? I have a credit card

big pun
yes the feeling like you have

yes the feeling like you have to go to the bathroom is wife is the same way she cant get over the feeling we have tried once and she didnt like it....


me and my gf have had the same problem, if you do find any facts about it, can you let me know?
and i do think(key word thing) that the feeling dose pass over time, i had my first time just today trying anal so honestly i dont know for sure but this is from other people i know

joel r
anal sex

my girl doesn't care for it so we fuck with her ontop. feels so good I cum hard

Wondering about clensing before hand....

So, I am really interested in anal sex, and am now with a partner who I trust enough to do it with. I eat a vegan diet (no meat or even animal products of any kind), which is very clean, and I also take probiotics daily, and once a week or so, a natural overnight laxative. I was wondering if enemas and things of that sort are still recommended or if I should be alright without. I think the best way would also be to go on an empty stomach (no heavy meals 2 hours before).... My man has inserted a finger or 2 before, and all was well, and my next step is to play around on my own.... do vibrators work the best (cleaned before and after obviously) or should I invest in an anal specific toy?

I would love some feedback, I am ready to try this out, can't wait for the amazing orgasms, I just want it to go correctly. Thanks!

lots of people use enamas

lots of people use enamas but if you want to anal just going to the toilet befor hand is another good way to clean out you anus but you can always stick i finger or 2 up the to have a feel around to see if thers anythin up ther but its always safe to go to the toilet beforehand and also you might not find you like useing vibatores i know my gf will use ether experiment get some diffrent vibrators and some diffrent anal dildos and see with onece you prefer

Anal Sex

hey, i really wanna have anal sex but i have a problem.. after i had my daughter i develoved hemorrhoids and that's painful and i'm wondering if anal sex will make it worse... i've tried twice but i experenced swelling and little pain.. what can i do?

Use lots of lubricant and

Use lots of lubricant and avoid having anal sex without condom. Due to hemmoroids the inner lining is prone to easy rupture leading to infections. Above all take it easy, very easy infact. Don't rush. Good luck.

My bf and i have had anal a

My bf and i have had anal a few times, and sometimes during it i feel like i have to go poop during it. the last time it started to hurt a little, but not much. that just mean there wasnt enough lube?

new: warning this might gross you out...

I'm a 17 year old female and I've been curious about Anal sex for some time, and my partner has been, but he's always been weirded out by the idea.
Recently he's become open to the idea, we tried to put it in once, but it really hurt so we took it out immediately. We're gonna try it soon and he's said I should use my fingers to prepare myself for it. (we are going to use lube of course)
I must admit finger stimulation is pleasurable.
What I'm worried about is, that my anus won't be.... clean.... yknow? Like, if feces is still in there. Would washing it before we do it, like with body soap and water do any physical damage?

USUALLY feces is lodged in

USUALLY feces is lodged in the rectum and not into anal region unless it's due for discharge. However, some residue could still be remain lodged in anal region as the discharge is never 100%. Therefore it's always advised to have a bath or shower before indulging in anal sex especially. Also, lubricant and condom should be a must to avoid unnecessary internal rutpures and infections.


me and my husband have tried anal twice and everytime he penetrates I feel like I need to do poop and it really dosent feel good at all and sometimes it's painful

kiki_2011's picture

thats bad, do you use LUBE?

loss of tightness

My girlfriend and i love anal sex she cums on another level and she cant get enough. But as i remembered from reading this it says repeated anal sex could cause loss of tightness im just wondering how often you have to have anal sex before it happens?


does your wife feel like she has to go poop during anal sex

shes not my wide shes my gf.

shes not my wide shes my gf. and it depends if theres alot of lube then no

I was wondering if someone

I was wondering if someone can help me. I have been trying to convince my wife to try anal but she wont let me near her asshole. Someone please help me.

May be you should listen to

May be you should listen to her more. She is saying "NO, THANKS, I'm not interested". Besides not everybody likes/fancies Anal sex. Also it does not turn everybody on. Forcing her to do something she does not fancy or like and or talking her into it might cause friction and problems in your relationship "IF' you are in a relationship. It would not very different if she were to ram a huge banana or a carrot up your anus. Would you enjoy that? No? I thought so. So why should she?

anal sex

I have asked my wife on several occations about having anal but she wont let me near there. How can I convince her to try it because I really want to know what it feels like?

Just reply on this


How about offering to show her you are prepared to go through the same experience - as in, you know, solidarity - by having her penetrate your anus with a dildo or strap-on?

talk to her

talk to her and explain to her that it's something that you're really turned on by and that you'd really like to try, not just "because you want to know what it feels like" as this will imply that you're bored with your sex life.
explain that you'll go very slow and start with a gloved finger (gloves are smother and easier to insert when lubed up and can easily be disposed of and is "cleaner" in her mind)
be patient and take it slowly, it took me 6 months to work my finacee up from 10 years of no anal (our first try was when we first started sleeping together and left a lasting unpleasant memory for her) 10 years later we started with a finger and now she can take all of me, i usually have to work her up from 1 finger all the way in to 3 fingers 2 knuckles deep then i can insert my cock without her being uncomfortable in any way. for alot of women it's a fear of it being painful as they've probably heard from girlfriends that it hurts and that puts them off.
above all be patient and communicate and there is no such thing as "too much lube"

it's great

my fiancee and i have been enjoying anal for some time now. guys be patient and understanding. Girls keep and open mind even practising on your own can be far easier than with your partner.


Funny how girls are constantly told to "keep an open mind" about this, but when it's suggested that a man experience having his anus penetrated (with a dildo/strap-on) there's rarely an "open minded" response to that. Hmmm. Interesting. "Hypocritical", some might even say.