not sure why it would be, try just laying there and not thinking of doing it and just touching and working around. i found with the last girlfriend i was seeing was to work up to it and go until she is ready, kissing and touching at the same time may help or he may have to go and see a doctor about it.
i found touching and having the lights turned off is a thrill because you dont know where the other persons hands are, maybe something to try. hopefully the main members in this forum may be able to help with other ideas

The man doubts his ability to please you - and since this is not the first time he's "run" from intercourse - his doubt is handicapping him to the point of making him incapable which, to his mind, is only proving his doubts and around we go in this viscious circle.

This is what happens when performance anxiety goes unchecked.

This is what YOU'RE going to do. Find, read, and then do The Program. You do this to him, WITHOUT permitting him to orgasm, btw no need to tell him beforehand that this is your plan, to the point where he's SCREAMING for you and forgets his anxiety. Bring him to the point of insanity due to lust and then pounce upon him - do female superior "cowgirl" before he has time to "worry" himself out of an erection. NOW you can let him orgasm.

Yes, this means you're going to have to do the work, take the 'lead' , and be in charge - sorry, if that's not your thing - but it is the only way to break through this roadblock he's got in his head.

Afterwards, you get to cuddle and tell him how wonderful he was/is/and will be when you do it all again in 15 minutes. And again after that.

You want to allot 4 hours for this exercise and to "enjoy" him until he forgets his anxiety as well as loses his ability to remember his own name. The problem will be solved when he pounces upon you instead of you pouncing upon him.

BTW it is "my boyfriend and I" - the other person first.

Many young men have performance anxiety. Loosing an erection at the moment when penetration should occur is not that unusual among the inexperienced.

Don't pressure him. Find out what turns him on the most-could be dirty talk, a certain kind of behavior, the way you wear your hair, the way you undress or not- and do those things for him.

Also learn to be proficient at fellatio. More than 99% men think fellatio is the greatest thing in the world. That will probably keep him up.

Try saying, "Take me, make love to me " or something even dirtier. That usually helps.

If none of this combined with patience can lead to the two of you having successful coitus then he needs to see a sex therapists. This is what they specialize in.

It is time for him to see a urologist and explain the whole thing. While all the psychological factors mentioned above are potentially there, we begin by eliminating the organic issues. Hence, an exam focused on the problem.

Following that, there may be some deep seeded psychological problems - could eb as simple as not trusting contraception or it could be poor self-image reinforced by a year of "Failure." At some point the failure begets only more failure.

Start with the doctor and follow up with counseling. Do not blame yourself.

It all depends upon how she sees herself whether she goes the "be nice and coddle him, pet him, assuade his ego and tell him it's ok" route or she "takes charge" and SHOWS him that he really is ok. Which speaks louder? Action or words?

You also have to consider - his other ladies have probably told him the same sort of things and it hasn't worked since it isn't "just with her".

It says right here that they are both virgins.

[QUOTE=o113o;234694] I am 19 and he is 21. I have not had sex before and he hasn't had intercourse. [/QUOTE]

It doesn't say anywhere that he has had this problem with anyone else. It does sound as though he is insecure.

Yes, and in what you quoted was the key - he has had sex but has not managed yet to have intercourse. So what does that tell you except that he's had this problem before with others? He's enjoyed both manual and oral sex but no intercourse. Remember she's a female using "femme-speak".

Many people use "have sex" and "intercourse" interchangeably. I do not, but I tend to go with young and uninformed speak. If by "intercourse" you mean genital/genital coitus and by "sex" you mean everything else that does not support your hypothesis. I had oral sex three years before I ever got "laid." It had nothing to do with my ability to sustain an erection.

I actually know a couple who had this very same problem when they were in their early 20s. He had never been with anyone before, but not because he could not sustain an erection. He was just shy. They DID have problems consummating their relationship because of his inability to sustain an erection. This was a performance anxiety problem which they overcame; they now have a grad student and a college sophomore.

Of course we could just ask o113o to clarify this for us.

She did, via pm, so - please just accept it. She's not his 'first'.

I did not receive any PMs in clarification.
It might help for him to visit a specialist.

This thread reminds me of the book, "Sex is Perfectly Natural but not Naturally Perfect."

:D

I know the old saying is that "Most men will experience erection problems sometime during their life." I never did--my first time was with my late wife--she was 20, I was 21, this was 36 years ago, and it was what she said when she was ready that kept me hard; "Come inside me now baby, put it in me." Wow! She continued to tell me that for 34 years, and I never had a problem. I had a couple of lovers after she died, and experienced no problems whatsoever with them, until I met the woman who I knew immediately would become my new wife. She had a seduction of me all planned out about 2 months after we met, and although we'd kissed and made out on the couch some, we'd not gone very far at all. When she took me up to her bed, undressed me and then herself, I WAS hard, as a rock, and we explored with hands and lips and tongues most of one another's bodies until she screamed for me to fuck her--just like that. I got on top and tried to put it inside, but she was so tight that pushing made me go limp! I was shocked, but we played around a bit, she got me hard again, and tried again--same thing. Again--same thing, so I apologized and we fell asleep in each other's arms. The next morning, as usual, I awoke hard and ready, but her tightness foiled me yet again, despite plenty of lubrication. The next night, same thing, and by then she was talking about Viagara, which made me laugh, because at 55 I'd never hd the need, but I was beginning to wonder about how this could happen to me. The next morning, I awoke hard and horny as usual, and half-asleep, not really thinking, I rolled into a spoon position behind her and just slipped in--I think I didn't even realize it was her, maybe I thought I was with my dead wife, it was confused and dreamy like that. Anyway, I stayed hard for 3 hours and did her until she finally panted that she did not think I required Viagara after all! I believe my difficulty was that I needed to transfer my desire and affections from my late wife to the woman I knew I would marry soon, and before I did that, I could not make love to her. With the other lovers I'd had, I did not love them and it was emotionally uncomplicated. I've not had a repeat of the problem in the 14 months since...
Michael

i've experienced what the young man is going thru so i will tell u what worked for me.

At first i was shocked because i had been with other women before and it just never happened that way. I'd get it up and keep it that way till we both got back to earth (if i may use the expression).

So u can imagine the confusion.

The first thing i did was to be honest with my self and my girl friend which your boy has been. He has admitted he is tense.

Next, i took time away from her, i had to reorganise my mind and that's where i found the problem: we had agreed before that we would not have sex till we were married. My girl was a virgin, i wasn't. As a result i felt somewhat guilty to be going against myself.

We had to get this out of the way first and you may not believe this, but we are now married and the sex is getting better.

My advice, therefore, is not to you but your boy. Take your time, clear you mind. Get your perspective right. Its quite simple if you think about it.

Good luck