Hello,
My wife and i have been together now for 7 years and married for 3 of those. I am 28 and work long hours normally starting in the wee hours of the morning. I do around 60 hours over 5 days but i am home every night.
My wife is 30 and she doesn't work due to being in full time college, with uni looming for the next 3 years. We have 1 daughter who is in primary school full time.
For the first year we were together sex was basic and infrequent due to health reason which i am not going to go in to but are all sorted now.
The next 5 years our sex lives have gone from strength to strength and we have tried most things. The problem started last year when sex started to die off a bit but it was still there. But come this year sex isn't often. I have tried to speak to her and all that happen is we argued and she accused me of having a high sex drive and she was in fact normal. I was offended by this so decided to monitor our sex. Jan we didn't have any at all!!! Feb twice March twice april 3 times and so far this month twice. Most of the time she has hasn't really been doing much more than laying back on some occasions not even performing basic foreplay. All this is started to get me down and i am now failing to orgasm which is really hacking me off.
The only changes being that she has gone back to college 4 days a week 9am to 12 and she has started smoking.
I am at work around 12 hours a day as a hgv driver and on top of this i have to commute 1 hour a day. Since january i have been surviving on 4-6 hours sleep a day as i try to stay up until she wants to go to bed in the vain hope that she want some.
I have to work all the hours as she gave up her job so now we only have my income which she doesn't seem to appriate and i am starting to feel like i am just a paycheck.
I don't want to cheat on my wife as i don't beleive in cheating, but i have found myself chatting to women more than normal and looking at them in a different way as i am well over due a service in my books or is my sex drive too high. I would have thought 2 times a week wouldn't be too much to ask.
As said so often here, sex is often a symptom of something deeper in the marriage that is out of kilter. You two must talk about this and you are not getting anywhere alone. Time to see a marriage counselor.
It sounds like you are doing all the working and she is the one with no energy left for sex. It would be interesting to hear her perceptions. At your ages, twice a week would be quite common - that varies greatly. Then there is that old standby "the seven year itch." Time for you two to see a counselor.
Just a thought. would it be easier to write a note to her, or email, about how you feel? Sometimes my husband and I use detailed emails to detail fantasies we have for ourselves and each other, sometimes being too embarrassed to say it out loud.
I realize your issues are not the same but it might be a great starting point. Maybe you write her a nice, thought out letter about your concerns, being as positive as possible.
Good luck and let us know what happens.
Sal
Try this: one evening on your day off, after dinner's done and your daughter's in bed. Just sit down next to your wife, like a big teddybear, and ask her "What's wrong, honey?" Exude comfort, security, and love - "Papa Bear" style. The idea is that you're a big strong guy who loves her very much and whatever's going on - you two can deal with and conquer it. And you do this because:
something is REALLY eating at your wife and she just can't find a way to tell you what it is.
She's denying herself "the pleasure of your company" and has taken up self-destructive behavior - that's a cry for help! Forget your negative feelings for the moment and go rescue your wife. After all - how many times do you get to really be her knight in shining armor? Should it require counselnig, just make sure you get an experienced counselor who's smarter than the both of you.
For the record - your sex drive is normal.
There has got to be something wrong with her....everyone likes to have sex once and a while...like the last girl said just go and sit down with her and talk to her put your feelings aside and think bout her. Get to the bottom of what is wrong and everything will be good
Communication is the key to this
Just sit and ask whats wrong say there wont be any arguements and that your worried about the two of youse and reassure her that you love her and always will love her just sit and talk and see where that leads you to or if that fails do as Brandye says and see a marriage counsellor
I hate to say this....I have seen a few times with close friends. Sounds like you are gone quite often working long hours. Could she possibly be seeing someone? Something to think about. I have been married 16yrs and we have sex atleast 2 to 3 times a week.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;254874]Try this: one evening on your day off, after dinner's done and your daughter's in bed. Just sit down next to your wife, like a big teddybear, and ask her "What's wrong, honey?" Exude comfort, security, and love - "Papa Bear" style. The idea is that you're a big strong guy who loves her very much and whatever's going on - you two can deal with and conquer it. And you do this because:
something is REALLY eating at your wife and she just can't find a way to tell you what it is.
She's denying herself "the pleasure of your company" and has taken up self-destructive behavior - that's a cry for help! Forget your negative feelings for the moment and go rescue your wife. After all - how many times do you get to really be her knight in shining armor? Should it require counselnig, just make sure you get an experienced counselor who's smarter than the both of you.
For the record - your sex drive is normal.[/QUOTE]
^^^^^ Listen to this woman here. I'm telling you, she's brilliant. She hit the nail on the head.
Sometimes something will be bothering my wife, and it will affect her sex drive. I may not "catch on" right away, but when I do catch on, I make the approach this cute little evil kitten mentioned.
When we plop on the couch after dinner, I will sit right up tight to her, throw my arm around her shoulder, pull her in close and kiss her on the top of her head. Then I usually say something to the effect of "Hey sweetheart, I know something is bothering you. Lets talk about it.".
Women, despite displaying some very strong attributes, can be very emotional. Much more so than men. Men, we can let shit slide. We can shrug things off. We can take punches and keep on rolling. Women on the other hand, NEED a man to provide them security and comfort. Women WANT their man to wrap his arms around her and take care of her needs. Physical and emotional.
Something is bothering your wife, its time to break out your emotional and caring manly side and help her out.
My husband puts an arm around me and give me a stritch between the ears and then a hug. He says nothing. But knowing he's there and knowing that he knows - is enough.
Works for me!
Even us "tiger-women" need some 'emotional support' from time to time.
We always relax snuggled up on the sofa at the end of the day. I have tried all the above recommendations but to no avail. I do know that the lack of sex is having a really bad affect on my temper though. Hit hits my wife for the record. But for the record she hates it when I lose my temper as do I. O have know booked a doctors appoint to see about anger management. I feel embaressed about it, this I know to be one thing that she worries about and definitely plays a part in the current lack of sex drive. I do know however that it's not the problem as the temper is as result of lack of sex.
Will see what happens next week at the doctors