Ok, there's this girl I like and that likes me. She seems pretty cool. But she's very inexperienced, and sort of hardcore on her morals. As in probably not big on sex before marriage. I wouldn't mind being in a relationship, but eventually, I fear, I would cheat on her because she's not being as physically pleasing as she would be mentally pleasing. Is there a way to remedy my problem or am I just a horrible person?
Fri, 05/05/2006 - 04:29
#1
Is this wrong?
I wouldn't say you are a horrible person, but your thinking is a little flawed.
We don't blow up or get terminally ill if we don't have sex.
If, however, you choose to make sex that important in your relationship you probably should not start a relationship with this gal... or you could at least discuss the problem with her honestly. In that honesty, you should espect her "morals" and beliefs. These are choices.
> I wouldn't mind being in a relationship, but eventually, I fear, I would cheat on her because she's not being as physically pleasing as she would be mentally pleasing.
"If it please the court" (of appeal), I respectfully recommend that you do not date unless and until you gain control over how hard core your morals might be. Really! You would want to date someone and then be so disrespectful that you would then cheat? Sounds for all the world like you have some maturing to do along with having an attitude adjustment about ethics and morality and decency.
What I gather from your post is that you are mainly looking for someone who will put out so you can satisfy an "itch" from time to time. How shallow a relationship can this be? Masturbate and fantasize until you are ready for a real interaction with someone not based on sex.
I agree with Doc: either committ to what your partner needs/wants or find someone who will agree to an "open" relationship ... otherwise, stick with self-pleasure & that's that.
if ur thinking that ur going to end up cheating on her then you probably will (self-fulfilling prophecy....i.e. u think about it so much that you will eventually drive yourself to do it!) never a good thing.
if you really like her you will be able to restrain yourself....there are other things you can do apart from sex too.
First of all, if you think you will cheat on her, you will. You have no right to involve yourself in a committed relationship with her (or one that she believes is monogamous). It isn't fair to her. Second, if your sexual gratification is more important to you than her moral beliefs, you have no right starting a relationship with her. If she's "metally pleasing," maybe you should just maintain a friendship--strictly platonic and seek romantic love elsewhere.
I agree with others,
I don't really see anything wrong with not wanting to wait until marraige to have sex. We all have different views on that subject and our own view of what is right and wrong. However, relationships generally don't work out between two people who have vastly different moral/religious opinions. If she wants to wait and you don't - don't get into a relationship with her.
You are not a horrible person for not having the same beliefs and values that she does. However, I would venture to say you would be a "horrible person" if you chose to ignore that and got into a relationship with her anyway, only to cheat on her later. Save her the pain.