I have done it. I hope that I would not again. Being in a relationship with another actively bi-sexual woman, we have specific rules but we each recognize that either could fall for prince charming.

If you're in a truely committed relationship, and you plan to stay committed to the relationship, then you'd best not go there. Once the line is broken, it's easier to break it again. I never cheated on a girlfriend, nor have I ever cheated on my wife.

Nothing wrong with looking at the menu, just don't order anything.

It's as easy as this:

How would you like it if they did it to you?

NO Sorry, didn't really mean to yell at you TJ.

Yes I have, and yes I would.

I see love and sex as two related, but independent, things.

I think most guys would agree with that statement, most women would not.

Like yea, I read it, I know. But I don't know what your idea of a relationship is if you even consider cheating.

[QUOTE=Quote (xx22xx @ Mar. 04 2003,17:22)]Like yea, I read it, I know.  But I don't know what your idea of a relationship is if you even consider cheating.[/QUOTE]
Sex is expressed with love or without it; love is expressed with sex or without it. So the two are seperate things. Sex is about the body, love is about the mind. Love is about a relationship, sex is not necessarily so!

Many people choose to exclusively combine the two, and of course that's fine, but many do not and prefer to have sex and love seperately!

A relationship is about trust. "Swingers" are honest about the multiple sex partners with their love partner. No trust is broken, so the relationship is good.

Studies show that many swingers have long, happy relationships, because the love and trust are there, while the sex may be everywhere!

Nope, I wouldn't have sex with someone else if I were with my girlfriend. I love her, and the bad feelings I would feel afterwards about it would last a lot longer than any good feelings from the sex.

Guido's reply, while true, doesn't get to the crux of your question. "Swingers" are not cheating. They have a trusted relationship and both agree to open, sexual relationships with others. What TJ is suggesting is the opposite. Betraying the trust of your partner by cheating on them.

Hereandnow, I would have to disagree with your statement that "most guys would agree." I think any guy, regardless of the number of times they may have cheated, see things from a whole new perspective when they discover that their g/f or spouse has been cheating as well.

If you look through all of the old posts on this board, I don't think you'll find a single one in which the poster was happy to discover that their partner was cheating on them.

CHEATING:
1. To act dishonestly; practice fraud.
2. To violate rules deliberately
3. To be sexually unfaithful

No judgements, just opinions.

[QUOTE=Quote (?wiseman? @ Mar. 05 2003,08:22)]Guido's reply, while true, doesn't get to the crux of your question. "Swingers" are not cheating.[/QUOTE]
People use the term "cheating" very loosely. TJ mentions the word in the title, but not in the content of his original post, where he just talks about having sex with someone else and getting away with it.

Cheating is more mental than physical. It is about breaking trust, not about body parts being physical with each other. What is cheating anyway? Is a kiss cheating? Having a feel? Oral sex?  ... etc, etc. Where do you draw the line?

Is any kind of "menu-looking" ok? Or is there a line there too? Is it ok to fantasise about having sex with someone else? Is that being unfaithful? Again, where do you draw the line? Or do you?

Part of my point is that having sex with another is only "cheating" if you have made an explicit promise to each other to be faithful. Otherwise it is just sex - not cheating.

True that many guys would be unhappy that their g/f got sex elsewhere; but I suspect more because (knowing how most women tie love and sex together) they think that their g/f is doing it out of love for someone else, rather than she just wants sex with someone. Therefore he is more upset and afraid to lose her, than he is upset about her snacking elsewhere.

GUIDO UNMASKED. Bill Clinton is on the board!

[QUOTE=Quote (?wiseman? @ Mar. 05 2003,11:03)]GUIDO UNMASKED.     Bill Clinton is on the board!

[/QUOTE]
LMAO - very good ?wiseman? !

Hey, "I DID NOT have sexual relations with that woman!" If it's good enough for Bill, then who am I to argue??

Anyway, good one, but what about my points? - I believe they are valid and deserve a response. What do you say? Want to step up to the plate?  

I think a good point has been made about cheating, trust, and communication. First there needs to be a definition of what is cheating or breaking an trust and it needs to be communicated among partners.

Having said thatm I would not cheat on my partner by doing something that we both feel betrays the trust within our relationship. We both look at other people we even tell each other about people we think are attractive. We've even talked about having sexual playmates. But I would never get a playmate before I was sure my husband was ok with it.

OK, let me try and take another shot at this. I'll preface it by saying I'm old enough to be the grandfather of a lot of you (barely).

What is cheating? Is it dancing with someone else? Kissing someone else? Petting? Oral? Vaginal? Fantasizing about someone else? That's a very wide spectrum and I would hazard to guess that my interpretation might not fit my wife's interpretation. Just as what you consider cheating may be a much more liberal interpretation than that of your partner.

So, my advise would be: If you think that your significant other would consider it "cheating" and you think it may damage your relationship, then you should err on the side of caution.

This has nothing to do with staying true to yourself and your beliefs. It has to do with respecting the feelings of your partner.

Want my black and white interpretation? Sorry if you don't here it is:

Dancing with someone else- NO If your partner is threatened by this, their very insecure.
A friendly peck on the lips or cheek- NO, so long as it would not be interpreted as a come on. This seems to be far more acceptable later in life, by the way.
Fantasizing 1- Pretty much acceptable
Fantasizing 2- unless it's her best friend or the next door neighbor and you accidently call out their name during sex. BIG no-no.
Scrubbing his or her throat with your tongue, pretty much crosses the line in my view, so I really don't need to address anything else beyond that.

To put it simply, whatever example you apply:

If either of you consider it "cheating", then it is.

If both of you consider it "not cheating", then it isn't.

The critical thing as always is communication, so as to have a clear understanding of what falls into which category. If in doubt, don't expect your partner to know how you feel, and don't guess at how they feel.

I think it would hurt me to cheat on my boyfriend more than he would be hurt in the end. I would take myself on a long guilt trip for it. I already feel guilty for fooling around with some of my boyfriend's friends before I met my boyfriend.

I could never cheat on my boyfriend in any way be it kissing, oral sex, sexual intercouse, anything, I just couldn't do it.

[QUOTE=Quote (yippi @ Mar. 07 2003,11:30)]If either of you consider it "cheating", then it is.

If both of you consider it "not cheating", then it isn't.

The critical thing as always is communication, so as to have a clear understanding of what falls into which category. If in doubt, don't expect your partner to know how you feel, and don't guess at how they feel.[/QUOTE]
I completely agree.

no, i don't think so. but i do daydream about sex with other women, and her having sex with other men, a lot!

I would cheat if i knew i could get away with it unless i loved the girl i was with. but if we just had a thing i might even cheat on her if i knew i would get cought if i liked the other girl better

I fantasize about cheat on my husband... and I fantasize watching him with another woman.

But the after effects are unknown to me, so for now they remain fantasies.... what the future holds, I don't know.

I would never cheat on my b/f, I've been with him for over 3 years now and I could never do that to him. Even if I knew that he could never find out, I just couldn't live life knowing that I did that to him. I only cheated on one person my whole life, and it was the biggest mistake in my whole life. I felt so guilty I had to tell the guy, and I wasnt even in love with him, so that makes it so much worse if you are in love with the person.
If you are in love with someone, I dont understand how you can do that to someone, when you love someone you want to be with them and only them, thats the commitment that you make to someone when you say I love you, those three words mean a lot, if you're not ready for that much commitment then dont have a relationship with someone.

even if my partner never found out about it, I would know and it would kill me everyday, I could never do that.

so the answer is no.

Well, I wouldnt sleep with another man (I'm married). But I do have a long term girlfriend that I sleep with. They dont seem to mind eachother. And hell, two is enough for me!!

I have cheated on guys before, and I didn't care, but we were never serious, I never really cared about them. Then I met a guy that I fell in love with him, and I changed my normal "player" actions and the thought of cheating on him didn't even cross my mind. I believe that If you love someone, then you shouldn't have to feel the need to cheat on them. Basically, I am totally agreeing with ?wiseman?.... 100% on his side, just because cheating sucks.. I have never been cheated on, but I learned tht I would feel so unimaginably awful if someone cheated on me.

I don't know.With this mind i wouldn't cheat on my husband but on the other side you never know how the situation is going and because i have never been in situation like that (and wouldn't like to be) i still don't know "the answer"
But even if i would,i wouldn't be able to hide it for long.That would "eat me inside".
I base my marriage on trust and what i wouldn't like to be done to me,i also don't do!

Cheating....that ever-present question in relationships! Well, here's my take on it.

1) If you're in a "committed" relationship - that is you have someone wtih whom who've exchanged vows with and have PROMISED to be faithful to - any form of emotional or sexual contact (kissing, oral, intercourse, sending gifts, constant phone calls, lying to see the other person/dating) is cheating - TO ME!
2) If you're NOT in that kind of relationship but are dating a person, you have to weight what you might gain from a 1-time fling and decide if it's WORTH the potential damage it could do to your primary relationship. And let's be honest, if the shoe was on the other foot, would u want your boy/girlffriend to cheat on you?

For me and my lover, we've both decided that no cock/ass/mouth, etc is worth risking the happiness we have together!

girlfriend yes

...

wife definately

and i wonder how many dont (%?)

.
..

joking, i wouldnt cheat, no need to cheat if im with some1 i love.  

The way I see it, if you cheat, then that must mean that there is something (someone) else that you want more than the person you are with. If that is the case, then why would you stay with that person? If my boyfriend were going to hook up with someone else, I would much rather he end it with me first, because it would hurt so much more if he didn't. If later he realizes that it isn't what he wanted... oh well.

ive had a couple of chances to cheat on my gf but no i dident and no i would never cheat on her no matter who the girl was

no i wouldn't (and i'm watching my typing incase i get a yelling ) because i know how i'd feel if my bf did that to me. it'd pretty much break my heart. and i try and treat peoeple the way i want to be treated. and another thing - either i'd have to lie, and i think it's really important that i tell the truth to my bf, or i'd tell him the truth and hurt him and i couldn't do that to him. anyway to be honest i'm so much in love i wouldn't even want to cheat on him!

I have done it in the past and i regret it so so so badly I am lucky and consider myself privlaged that my fiance stayed with me that is what i call true love

[QUOTE=Quote (scruff @ Aug. 28 2005,16:01)]NO i wudnt, mainly out of the principle that if u cheat one day so wil she, nd i no id hate that so i cud never do dat to my gf[/QUOTE]
I am sorry, and I don't mean to restrict this purely to "scruff"... and I know this has been discussed before, but at what point is OVERLY-USED abbreviations just pure laziness...?

What is so wrong with typing "correct" english? Are you really saving that much time by typing "nd" instead of "and"...?

What would be so wrong with typing:

"No, I wouldn't... Mainly out of the principle that if you cheat one day, so will she... and I know I'd hate that, so I could never do that to my g/f."

(Yes... g/f is commonly accepted)

Again... not trying to start a "flame" war... but c'mon... at SOME point, people need to at least try to APPEAR educated & intelligent, don't they...?

I would never do it nor would i tolerate it unless we had some sort of agreement allowing that kind of behavior.

I think that if you have some sort of agrement relating to being able to have sex with other people, then that is fine. But if you claim to be in a committed relationship I do not think it is okay. If you are not ready to be in a committed relationship without cheating on someone, be a responsible adult and at least TELL your partner.

-Mariah

i did and i will never again. i feel bad about it still and im not even with that guy anymore. i do agree with what everyone is saying though. sex and love are two seperate things and at times can go together. other times, shit, its just ALL hormones.
-but i think most other girls would disagree with me.

NO i wudnt, mainly out of the principle that if u cheat one day so wil she, nd i no id hate that so i cud never do dat to my gf

[QUOTE=Quote (Tommy Boy @ Sep. 17 2003,19:38)]Boy Friend / Girl friend means just that, you are friends.  Though I believe in being monogamous for the most part there are no absolutes, that is what marriage is for.  So till you have the ring on your finger I say go ahead if you think its worth it. Or even if its not.[/QUOTE]
I mean no offense, but that's a very self-serving view. Attempting to use a literal interpretation of the word "Friend" as a loophole in a committed relationship is not being very respectful of the other person. I was with my wife for 7-years before we got married... and the ONLY "correct" term for us before we were engaged, was "Boyfriend/Girlfriend"...

That would NOT give EITHER of us any right to maliciously act in a manner that defied our verbal commitment of being a monogomous and dedicated couple. Just because the commonly-used term for our relationship contained the word "friend"... is NOT an open invitation to go messing-around with other people.

I don't care if you've been together 10-weeks or 10-years... if you're gonna see other people and your partner is under the impression that you are monogamous...? You're cheating. Period.

I have NEVER cheated on any of my girlfriends or my wife.

I must also say that my definition of cheating has evolved over the years. When I was young, it was simplistic. If you kissed or had sex w/ another girl... it is cheating. Period. Flirting and talking was okay! Similar to the childish act of placing your finger NEAR someone's face and moving it around and repeating "I'm not touching you... I'm not touching you..." - At the early age of a teen, I would argue that I wasn't being unfaithful just by TALKING with another girl in a suggestive manner.

Now... MUCH later in life... I have a different interpretation of what cheating is... very similar to what others have said. It is a breech of agreement (verbose or implied) where one KNOWINGLY acts in a manner that would make the other upset in matters of sex and/or the relationship.

I walked through this scenario with my wife one day and we were BOTH surprised by how easy "logic" can skew perception:

This following conversation was between my wife & I and is not word-for-word accurate, but you will get the idea of what was said. She was mentioning how she KNOWS I would never cheat, and we got into the discussion of what cheating is:

Me: Well, let's say I was masturbating... is that cheating...?
Her: Oh God, no... of course not
Me: I agree... now what if the shades are open and it is daylight (we live on a 2nd-floor apt.)
Her: Still not cheating...
Me: okay... now... If the neighbor across the road looks in and SEES me masturbating through the window, but I don't see her (hypothetical... we don't even KNOW if there are any women across the street)
Her: again... no... you haven't cheated...
Me: now... what if I KNEW she could see me... have I cheated?
Her: No. Where are you going with this...? that's all not-cheating...
Me: I know... but this will become clear. NOW... what if it were a woman who happened to peer-in our window (if we lived on street-level)...?
Her: Still okay
Me: now... next level... I KNOW she's at the window and I still masturbate right in-front of her, right at the window.
Her: You still haven't cheated on me yet...

*IMPORTANT NOTE: This was our first forray into us "defining" cheating to each-other... so this was new ground.

Me: Even though I am exposed and masturbating and she is watching...?
Her: Nope... not cheating.
Me: Now... what if the window was OPEN... the ONLY difference between the two examples is an open or closed window.
Her: I guess you're not cheating still...
Me: Okay... so if I orgasm and it goes all-over her face... I'm not cheating...?
Her: Well... no, not really... I guess
Me: Okay then... now *Poof*... the wall and window are gone and she is kneeling in-front of me - she still has not touched me AT ALL and I masturbate until I cum on her... The ONLY difference is that the window and wall are gone... SAME act being performed.
Her: well... I dunno - I guess I'd still have to say no

*NOTE: I am visibly surprised and speaking to her in a tone of polite curious disbelif.. as in: "Really...?"

Me: Now what if that women was our friend "Mary"... you wouldn't consider me cumming on her face cheating...?
Her: I dunno... I guess I would... not really sure the point of all this... Why...? would YOU consider it cheating...?

To summarize the remainder of the conversation... I explained to her how - for me - it has NOTHING to do with the "physical act" and ALL about consent and/or deception.

If your wife gives you permission to have her friend give you oral - That is NOT cheating because it is something she is AWARE of and is perfectly okay with.

If you go meet with an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend for dinner or drinks, but INTENTIONALLY neglected to tell your spouse or g/f - EVEN THOUGH NOTHING HAPPENS, not even a kiss... but you KNOW she'd be very upset.. THAT is cheating.

You are betraying a trust or agreement of things that are acceptable or unacceptable.

I conveyed to my wife after that conversation with those examples, that TO ME... MOST of those would be wrong if (a) she disapproved and/or (b) I was dishonest with her and did it without her knowledge.

NONE of the above examples are "cheating" if she knew beforehand and approved of the actions.

ALL of the above would be cheating if I KNEW she would be upset but did it anyway with or without her knowledge.

It's all about respect & trust. Don't break EITHER of the two. I have heard stories of SWINGERS who get into problems because one of the two will start to do things WITHOUT the other's knowledge or consent. It's not the ACT of being with another person, it's the way in which you go-about it and how it affects your partner.

Again... I have NEVER cheated - and without knowing the future, would love to say "I never will".

Sorry for such a long rambling post... it's been a while since I've been here.

why would anyone want to cheat on there lover??? it might be a buzz but what do you gain from it??

Nope, I would never do it.

Though it would be pretty easy for either of us because we are in a long dist relationship, so the other would probably never find out. But I think that doing such a thing would be a great disservice to both her and myself.

i would never even dream of cheating on my boyfriend!! i think that it is so disrespectful and in a relationship you should be able to trust ur lover!! but thats just my point of view!

Which ring are you speaking of? Engagement or wedding?

I think that any man or woman who was in a relationship that was thinking of marriage would change their mind in a second if they knew that their partner had been cheating on them during their relationship. If I found out that my husband had cheated on me during our relationship it would be just as bad as if he had cheated while we were married.

Boy Friend / Girl friend means just that, you are friends. Though I believe in being monogamous for the most part there are no absolutes, that is what marriage is for. So till you have the ring on your finger I say go ahead if you think its worth it. Or even if its not.

[QUOTE=Quote ]Part of my point is that having sex with another is only "cheating" if you have made an explicit promise to each other to be faithful. Otherwise it is just sex - not cheating.
[/QUOTE]

I disagree with this... it should say if you have made an agreement with each other that you can see other people it's not cheating. If your partner thinks you are being faithful and you sleep with someone else it is cheating, whether or not you verbally told your partner that you would only have sex with him/her.

I would not cheat on my husband - whether or not I would get caught. I have seen the damage it can do and don't want to ruin my marriage because of one stupid night. Besides, he's the best sex I have ever had so why would I look elsewhere?? LOL

Hmm if i was given the perfect opportunity , no i wouldnt , its all probabally because of the respect i have for my girlfriend , id never / havent cheated on her , and vice versa , and while were on the subject of wondering what matters most . if your partner cheated on you with the same sex / different sex to you , it all depends really , for me id be ok if my girlfriend cheated on me with another girl , because a female is something i can not compare with / she can not compare me to , which is cool . but on the other hand if it were a guy she could .. and that would make me kinda more pissed off / worried about her thoughts on me ,, but on the whole cheating is badddd and if your really loved your partner then you wouldnt do it lol , !! .

[QUOTE=Quote (hereandnow @ Mar. 04 2003,14:51)]Yes I have, and yes I would.

I see love and sex as two related, but independent, things.

I think most guys would agree with that statement, most women would not.  [/QUOTE]
I am a guy and I totally disagree with that. even if u don't love the woman you should at least respect her enough not to cheat on her