hey,
I'm desperate. I don't know if this is where i should post or not but I really need the advice. Heres alittle background:
I am not new to sex, I am under 20 and been with two men (both long term). My first relationship lasted 8 months and my partner made me feel that i was ready when i wasnt. He was sometimes rough with thrusts and i never saw him naked. he was also had a taste 4 young girls as both me and his first g/f were 4/5 years younger. 5 months after we broke up I met my new man and i have been with him 15 months. he was a virgin and i wasnt which caused us both distress, and i had to learn to cope and take part in the sexual relationship(it was all done for me b4) and not be embarressed to see him or show myself naked, because i felt distressed to see a naked male body. At first it was fine between us, but i have always had pain during intercorse (I have been fully examined by my doctor and had scans, im (physically) fine) over the last 6 months or so pain has increased and i cant become aroused by myself. we have to use lube to make love and i only orgasm from oral sex (him to me... i retch when he ejaculates in my mouth sometimes) and its causing a strain on my part in the relationship because I love him with all my heart and i can see it upsets him and he feels it's his problem, when it's mine. I cant masterbate either so that doesnt ease pain. I would love so much to have an orgasm during sex with him, and ive only ever come close once and that was after we'd had a HUGE fight.
Please please help me. I really am desperate
You are pretty vague in describing what is the cause of pain, movement or specific actions. So it sort of hard to help you.
The fact the you are distressed with him seeing you and you seeing him, is strange to me. I can see if you may be self-conscious about your body, in ways many are. But you don't want to see a naked man? Especially the one you love?
The fact that your ex "did it all before for you" and you did not have to combined with the attitude of repulsion if your current guy comes in your mouth (ok some women just don't like it); I have to say, I don't think you are ready for sex. I really think you have to stop and learn about it, then decide you wish to continue. This could be why your body is not getting wet & you are maybe tensing up having pain.
I'd stop and think long and hard, this is an adult act, and really what you are saying here you are not behaving as an adult. Learn more, slow down, in fact just stop and enjoy the relationship. Have sex when you are ready & knowledgeable.
Try masturbation to obtain an orgasm, not to "ease the pain".
I just dont like it methinks. and before i didnt really have any option to start things so i just learned to let it happen. I should have been more specific, my bad, I no longer feel akward to see him naked, I did at first which made things akward. Im always self concious.
the pain is in the first instance of penetration and usually dulls to a throb after that, but sometimes stings all the time, no matter what. Other times i have little pain, but no orgasm. sometimes we think its the angle, but it almost always hurts. theres sometimes a 'click'ing type sensation, like if u keep pushing something back and forth over a ridge, but as i say Ive been checked out 4 it all and Im 'normal'.
is that better 4 info?
On initial penetration perhaps he has to go easier, and it sounds as if he may be hitting your cervix. Try some different positions, just plain missionary and keep your keens bent, don't pull your legs up. Have him just go easy and gentle and speed up only if you ask him. You try to move so you find a position which is comfortable for you then have him follow. It also sounds as if you are not that excited prior to intercourse...
AND RELAX
yes, i do have a problem with excitement. we really try to fix that, we've found some new things to try and we're hoping it works by taking my mind off the possible pain and helping me relax. we're always trying new positions and if one doesnt hurt it'll only work afew times, then we have to find a new one.
It takes a bit off my mind if its my cervix. Im not too good on my own inner anatomy, so had no idea what was happening other than it hurts him aswell as me.
cheers for the advice!
If your doc checked you and all is normal, and he is hitting something inside and it HURTS, it's the cervix. It gets your attention really quick. For now avoid positions like doggie, or legs over his shoulders b/c they make for deeper penetration. Try what I said, just go really slow and nice and easy. You tip your pelvis so you get comfortable.
will do.
now all i have to do is wait for him to come home in the next week or two!:D
I think that what you really need is an experienced lover. Your first sounds like a jackass and the one you're with now doesn't have that experience. If you had someone who made you feel comfortable then maybe some of these issues would go away.
OK, back to square one. You had an abusive first sex partner and now one not as experienced as you. Forget about an orgasm with him; you need to relearn how to reach orgasm on your own. Many of us never have orgasms during "normal" penetration and thrusting.
Your relationships hardly qualify as "long term." You have had a couple flings that lasted a few months without you being aware that you were being used.
Get your head on straight, with help as necessary, and rethink your relationship wiht men. Then find a man with whom you can be friends and allow the relationship to grow into sex. Do not lead with sex and be surprised that things do not work.