I am seeking a new twist to get me wife in the mood. She is 47 (me 52) and never iniates any sexual interest. It is always me seeking her out (or else I would be living in a world w/o sex). Once a month is not enough. I tell her all the time I love her and remind her often in polite and pleasing ways of her good looking attiributes...like her nice butt!
Anyway seems like the only time I have any luck, is sometimes in the early morning hours, after many morning failed attempts, I finally get her clothes off. I offer to go down on her, but she never answers me, and I do any way cause I luv her sweet spot.
Seems like I can never get her to take off her clothes anywhere but under the covers. Is she embarassed by her body? She is not over weight and looks great. I'm in shape, with a fantasy mind clicking & ticking all to it self with no response from my wife...but "I'm not in the mood". She will hardly let me rub erotic oils on her claiming they smell bad.
I usually pull her up on top seems like she likes that position (for a once a month party...bummer), and I always ask her if she got that good feeling? with a "yes" response. It is important for me that my wifes has an orgasm.
She doesn't like me reaching over in bed to hug her, with my hopes to get more, and says "that is a big turn off" that I am just grabbing her. When we do have sex she just lays on her back and finally lets me take off her clothes, but never reaching out for me, just sort of laying there (gosh..show a little interest). Once again I have to take sex, not receive it.
How else can you get close enough for intimacy? What else could I do to turn her on? I even got out of the shower once wearing just a towel, and I let it fall off, pretending to be an accident, and with a solid muscle pointing staight up, and she showed no interest, but said, "you did that on purpose". What are some other ways to get your lady to want sex?
I have written her several little sexy hopefull notes, hints to what I would like, they get torn up and trashed since we have 2 kids, I guess she thinks they might find them. Notes such as shave tonight all the way, or I want to try an new way for the deepest penetration ever, or I want to eat your pie tonight cause you are sooo good looking! I have asked her many times why we don't have more sex, with very little response, she goes to the compter and says she's just not in the mood or doesn't answer, avoiding this conversation. ????? What will work??? Looking for a new twist. Sooooooo interested!!
Why don't you try what I suggested in another thread where you posed the same question? Or is it easier to ignore the issue?
You groping her in bed like some sort of horny gorilla is probably no turn on. How about trying a little romance rather than just flashing her your huge boner? You may also try being intimate with her with the intent of just simply being close to her, holding her and making her feel comfortable, cozy, and loved rather than just "I want to cuddle you so that you'll have sex with me" I'm sure you love your wife, but at times even married women need to be reminded of that, and not be made to feel like you are just trying to get into her pants. Show her you value in ways that don't involve sex, and maybe you'll find she will show her appreciation in a intimate way.
If she continues to react frigidly and shows no interest in being intimate with you, then you and her have deeper issues with your marriage in general that you need to sort out.
He wants what he cannot have and she's thinking he's some kind of lower life form for wanting to express his love for her physically.
I'd say DIVORCE.
Okay - then how about separating for a time. Right now and tell her it is precisely because you see the rest of your life stretching out before you as nothing more than a wasteland of blighted hopes, desires, and dreams.
Yes, women like to make light of this - but it is very, very real to men. Not all of them, certainly, but most men do equate withholding sex with going immediately to nuclear warfare. Instead of small skirmishes, she's gone to having her finger over red button right away.
Essentially there is nothing to discuss - so cut your losses now, buddy.
She doesn't love you - she's just comfortable.
After reading this a couple times I gotta agree with raez on this one. Show her you want to be close to her because of who she is and what she means to you, not only as a means to an end. She's not a sex toy, for God's sake, she's your wife. She can intuit that the only reason you're doing any of these things is because you want in her pants. I could intuit it just from reading it. And knowing that immediately locks the chastity belt. Be sweet and kind and loving of her solely for its own sake-only for the sake of showing her how much in love with her you are.
Are the kids at an age where you can go away for a weekend, or leave them with Gramma for a couple days? Even get a nanny for the weekend? I've been that 2-3 day nanny before. If you can do it, take her away somewhere nice and romantic for a weekend--AND NO EXPECTATIONS!!!!!!! This is solely for the purpose of spending some time alone, caring about each other-disappearing into your own little world where all that matters is the two of you. Show her that you are indeed capable of relating to her in a loving, caring, romantic way that isn't expected to lead to sex. It will flow naturally. You'll see. In fact, it would be a good idea to start a weekly date night-once a week, go to dinner and a movie just the two of you. Or whatever-just make a night once a week that its only you two bonding as adults in love.
Putting the motive aside (regading your intuit about me just wanting to get her pants off), and that fact that the towel incident was a joke in between getting dressed after a shower a long time ago...how much value would you place regarding your husband being hot for sex with his wife, and not out chasing women around town or in the cyber world? How much gratitude should a wife have for a husband who only wants her, and who knows her husband is not cheating on her??
Regarding the groping horny gorilla, (possibly an exhageration of real time) How much value would you place with the fact that your husband is hot and horny for his wife, and not out chasing women in town or in the cyber world?? How much gratitude should a wife show for a husband she knows is not cheating on her, and is so tunred on by her??
[quote=Gibson52;227171]Regarding the groping horny gorilla, (possibly an exhageration of real time) How much value would you place with the fact that your husband is hot and horny for his wife, and not out chasing women in town or in the cyber world?? How much gratitude should a wife show for a husband she knows is not cheating on her, and is so tunred on by her??[/quote]
Regardless of your postings; you still have to figure out WHY your wife is NOT wanting to sleep with you. Is it:
1-Physical/hormonal
2-Psychological
3-Not in love?
These three possibilities you ignore and will get no where until you face them.
There are plenty of wives out there who would rather their spouse go elsewhere for sex, as long as they are not bothered at home, and there are plenty of women willing to supply the efforts. I would not put all your eggs in the same basket on that thought. I know plenty who stay married for convenience purposes only--which does not include sex in the equation.
Excuse me? A woman should not have to show ANY gratitude for her husbund not cheating on her. That is the whole point of marriage, you made the agreement that you wouldn't cheat on her by marrying her. You married her because amoung other reasons (I certainly hope) you are attracted and turned on by her. She does not need to be thankful that you feel that way and are upholding your end of the bargain, that you are doing what you are SUPPOSED to do anyway. What kind of sense does that make? I for one put NO added value in a man who upholds the tenants of marriage by seeking out only his wife for his sexual needs, regardless of how many men might do otherwise. I also might add that sex outside of the marriage is something that should only occur when both husbund and wife agree that it should. You know, if she doesn't want to be intimate with you, there are probably issues with your marriage that you need to sort out by talking to her. Personally, if I had a husbund that expected me to show gratitude for him not being a cheating a-hole, I wouldn't have any kind of physical desire for him either..in fact I'd probably be seeking divorce. Maybe you should check your attitude towards your wife before confronting her on the issue. And did you even listen to or take our previous advice on the idea that you should try spending some QUALITY TIME with her?
Your wife may have some issues towards sexual intimacy that need to be addressed, but talking to her about it will do no good unless you can be sensitive to her feelings and truly LISTEN to what she has to say. From what you have described in your first post, it sounds as though adding more excitment or a "twist" to your sex life is probably not what is needed, for her anyway. If she is turned off to the idea of sex in the first place, trying to add more to it by way of positions, oils, etc probably isn't going to change anything. You need to find out why she doesn't want to do it in the first place. Sit down with her, and really try to discuss the issue, don't let her just run away. tell her how much you love her, and that out of concern for her and your relationship with her, you want to know if there is something that is keeping her from physically expressing your love for eachother. Dont make it sound like you think there is something wrong with her, just that you would love to have more intimacy with her and want to know if she feels the same.
What baffles me is at what point did he decide there is a problem and did talking to her solution this??? Or was this small matter just skipped and we go on in a dull-drum life?
Fathoms me how two people can sleep beside each other at night and repeatedly keep their hands off the other!:confused::confused:
Excuse me? She is his WIFE and therefore he is perfectly within his rights to have EXPECTATIONS! I see precious little "love, cherish, and honor" from HER going on here. Yes, he still adores her, desires her, loves her - but she cannot be bothered. Oh ho-hum, it is just too much trouble. He's focused upon her but where is her focus? Does she even want to stay married to him - in the FULLEST sense of the word marriage or not?
He hasn't asked her that yet.
TALK TO HER, BUDDY.
And it is about damn time SHE'S sensitive to HIS feelings. Stop making it appear that this situation is entirely his fault..
I have an issue w/him posting & re-posting about his lack of sex while has appeared to be complacent himself in letting her off the hook. He can try all the tricks in the world; until you talk, there is no resolution. Meanwhile, it's been spelled out often here to do something about it rather than complain; such as writing "how much gratitude should a wife have for a man who did not go out of is marriage?" I see no gratitude from the postings in either of them if there has been no discussion...she is responsible for her lack of actions yet as her husband is he not seeing something is not right? His responsibility is to look at the reality of the situation, explain what he sees, and take appropriate action. There has been no answer from his posts...is she depressed and he is missing or not wanting to confront the matter?
There is nothing worse a spouse can do than turn the other down...more so repeatedly.
I'm sorry, I just have to get this off my chest.
GRATITUDE MY ROSY RED A$$!!
There, I feel better. Well almost. As if she's supposed to wear a veil and bow down at your feet in honor of your deigning to allow her to be within a few miles of you. That's such a BS attitude I'm starting to wonder how far up the bull you shoved your head. And that chip on your shoulder is probably precisely her problem with you.
Wake up, smell what you're shoveling, and realize she's not your sex slave, she's your WIFE, and more importantly, HUMAN. She has feelings and needs just like you do, and just as her job as your wife is to nurture yours, your job as her husband is to nurture hers. Which from what I've seen, you're not doing your job. If you start to, she might start to do hers too.
By no means do I think that he should let his own needs go unnoticed. I do think that sex is an important part of a relationship and he is right to want to figure out why he isn't getting any. My issue is the fact that he thinks she should be grateful that he isn't cheating. to me that is an uncalled for expectation. he can expect to have sex, yes, he can expect to be honored yes, but he cannot expect to be REWARDED for doing the RIGHT THING.
If he is being neglected, he needs to grow a pair and tell her so, or find a new wife who is will meet his expectations.
I might add, he asked for suggestions on what HE could do differently. We gave him plenty of things he could do, and suggested ideas that might be the source of the problem and not all were blaming him, only for him to apparently make no consideration of them, and to say that his wife should be grateful that he doesn't seek out sex elsewhere. Personally, I find offense to this and make no apologies for doing so. If I were his wife and this was his attitude I wouldn't blame her for not having desire to be intimate with him. That doesn't mean that her behavior is totally ok, she too needs to be willing to talk about whatever her issues are that are holding her back. Sex is not a duty, it is something that two people in a relationship, particularly a married one should be WANTING to take part in, and if they are not then there are obviously issues that need to be discussed. It may or may not be his fault. But if his current methods of trying to get her in the sack aren't working then he needs to be open minded about trying new ways, or else be a man and tell his wife whats what and that if she isn't interested in the relationship for everything that it should be, then its time to move on.
What is wrong with him sitting her down & talking to her? And collaboratively seeking if there is in the marriage:
1-Physical/Hormonal issue.
2-Psychological issue.
3-No longer in love.
After establishing which is one of the three culprits; FIX the problem & if irreparable divorce????
Why does this seem so foreign to so many? At some point they choose to get married; she & he accepted their vows. Now, if there is no way to repair or to put a marriage together AT ALL, divorce. Both have an obligation to fulfilling their spousal duties.
If she is depressed & cannot see it; he as her husband has an obligation to get her help. If she is just being manipulating sexually & withdrawing or has hormonal issues; she has an obligation to fix them. Both work with the other in a supportive manner [inclusive] not exclusive.
If it's an issue of "sorry I don't love you, we were a mistake" and there is no way to work through it...get a divorce.
If people cannot follow such simple steps to address a problem...they deserve to be where they are since their ability to handle daily conflict is not functioning on any reasonable level as the remainder of the planet.
[QUOTE=sera300;227186]
Fathoms me how two people can sleep beside each other at night and repeatedly keep their hands off the other!:confused::confused:[/QUOTE]
That is very scary......:mad:
[quote=nuttychick;227202]That is very scary......:mad:[/quote] Okay...I only share a bed with men I have sex with...no one else. Sorry to offend you...I promise not to go on vacation and put my hands on someone who I don't belong with???:confused:
[QUOTE=sera300;227203]Okay...I only share a bed with men I have sex with...no one else. Sorry to offend you...I promise not to go on vacation and put my hands on someone who I don't belong with???:confused:[/QUOTE]
Lol Dearest Sera you lay your hands on anyone you like:D
Lol this is kinda like a CL post.. not sure if you are serious
"offended" ehehhehehehhe;):p
[quote=nuttychick;227209]Lol Dearest Sera you lay your hands on anyone you like:D
Lol this is kinda like a CL post.. not sure if you are serious
"offended" ehehhehehehhe;):p[/quote]
Too funny...you had an angry face & thought you felt I would do something silly; such as if someone is next to me make an unwanted advance! I thought you misinterpreted what I said...yes, falls mine under that category!
I am not offended..I could not figure why you wold be angry at what I said. I cannot figure for the life of me...if you are next to a man in bed married, living with, in love with, etc. why would you want to keep your hands off the other? How can spouses? I find it so odd...here you are married to a person, you made a vow, why sleep on opposite sides of the bed [rather why not make love]? If not ill, seriously ill, how can you turn your man down?
No matter how much my ex & I disagreed during the day or on a topic [other than the matter which caused the end of the marriage] we always made love daily if not twice daily...I believe it kept us together and closer; it was a gesture just as common as brushing your teeth. He could expect it as could I; the only exception was illness...I recall needing surgery & still wanting him...and still found a way around an obstacle to spend some "quality" time together! No matter how tired, you tried and somewhere the energy came around!
lol my choice of "smilies" was really bad. me thinks we kinda need a few more
to express a WTF OMG kinda mood
I do find it scary people who are married etc don't enjoy each others bodies
regulary... My sweetman and I are the same as You and Your "EX" ...Daily and more :p has been since the day we met 14years ago mmm:D... lol only thing that changed that for a few weeks was Cervical Surgery...(lol not fully tho;))
I truely feel it is the key to an awesome relationship
What gets me, is not only that people can be so physically withdrawn from their partners, but also be completely uncommunicative about it. Surely they realize that when one partner isn't "putting out" for their spouse it sends all kinds of signals that can have detrimental effects on the relationship and on the other partner. I can understand if its an issue of being too tired every once in awhile, but every night!? If its an issue of one partner feeling they aren't being treated well by the other, or they are having reservations about sex in general for whatever reason, in a married relationship, why aren't they just open with their partners about this. Seems to me that this is something you should be able to talk easily to a spouse about, rather than giving continuous BS excuses? And from the other end, why do so many people with these kind of partners just accept these excuses and do nothing but try to tempt their partner into sex while getting more and more frustrated when it doesn't work. Man up (or woman up as may be the case) and don't take an excuse for an answer. Even if it leads to an argument or an uncomfortable discussion, its too important to be complacent about. Why the aversion to talking about it? they are your partner for life for f's sake! As wrong as it is for one partner to just withhold sex without explanation, its just as wrong to allow them to do so, demand an explanation and work out a solution.
Nutty; okay now I understand what you have meant! Sorry to hear of the c. surgery...I do hope all is well with you.
And Raez: In this case I completely agree; moreover, these two are married! This means you talk and talk since you endure so much as a couple. Making love should be a natural act shared for several reasons. When I see one withholding I have to ask; what is wrong with this picture? This is the cement or glue which can bond a couple beyond all the disagreements you may have over other life issues. Often found myself annoyed over a financial difference or a bad day at work which I brought home [or he did] and an argument ensued over a mere annoyance of what one said to the other or lack of the full comprehension of the effect. Meaning, why can you get annoyed to such degrees when you work; had a bad case, come home, and have underlying anger about the matter [often a child abuse case or a child's death] & you want to vent but do it improperly through keeping your feelings in rather sharing the regret with the one you love. This builds frustration which is easily felt by the other. You cart yourselves off to bed at night and recall THIS is your life together and one did not react the way you wished or respond the way you wish to find this MAN next to you does love you despite his lack of words you wanted to hear...a magic fix for your bad feelings over the case. He cannot solve it for you; he can just be there. When you recognize this...and know you [or he was wrong based upon who had the bad day] he does love you dearly--you shortly figure the act of making love let's the frustrations/stress go.
When the matter of withholding becomes a ritual; one needs to speak up. If you cannot talk about your sex life together; how can you handle other issues together.
On to physical issues; if one has lost their drive, it's time to see a doc to r/o a medical matter. Case in point; thankfully I was not in a relationship & found I had no libido, not even a thought of wanting a fictitious man in my brain. Off to the Gyn ASAP. I assumed, it was a psych issue & if there was no medical support for the libido I was ready to see the psych. Labs returned askew and HRT began. I swear; I would have put myself in the psych ward if it was mental rather than living complacent.
It's not just the sex part; it's showing daily you love the other...you pack his lunch/dinner with a love note in the bag. It's a "job" which should be easy for one to do when you love the other...it's just work keeping it on track. If it fell off you put it back on course with the same dedication as you made to your vows. Therefore, I have to ask...what went so wrong which was ignored! Until one is ready to identify/confront it there is no solution. Couple owe it to their spouses and to their marriage to go the full extent. If all avenues are exhausted beyond return [and have tried all possible] you owe the other a divorce with dignity.
Listen up! I have always worked in the house with kids, and husband AND worked a full time, deployments included, job outside of the home and I NEVER once gave my husband such a ration as this "princess" is giving her husband. I am NOT supermom, just a woman with her head on straight and her heart int he right place. If you do NOT love your husband right here and right now as he is - then divorce him and be done with it. You do not insult him. You do not unduly criticize him. And you don't ever criticize him in front of his kids.
This woman is playing the prima donna/princess game and it needs to stop.
Counseling or divorce.
I spoke with my wife, and the only answer is that she just has not been in the mood for sex. I reminded her she has not been in the mood for the past 12 years, that our sex life has been the same, and asked her why. Her answer, "I don't know" I have just not been in the mood. I have been the only one iniating sexual interest, and maybe one a month having any luck. She never dresses up to tease me, and never touches me in special places. With her admitting to the fact that she has not been in the mood for the past 12 years I was shocked. She wants me to kiss her every day when I come and go (on the lips) Why would she want a kiss everyday from someone she is not sexually interested in? She also added that she was stressed because I did not help as much as I could with the kids all the time. I work everyday and try my best. She has not had a job in the past 16 + years an at home Mom. Now she does run errands for the house, pay bills, some cleaning, run the kids around, but no paycheck for 16 + years and we really need the $$. The other thing she said was that I don't always listen to everything she says. I try and have missed some things, but I can't believe it is the norm to be living together, in good health, with no known physical limitations for either of us, sleeping in the same bed every night, and she never reaches out for me. So if I don't hug close on the right exact night then I am a turnoff, and limited to one, no telling when, night of sex from a woman who claims not to be in the mood. She must just be giving in to get it over with. Eeek!
The other night she gave in the night before she admitted to her non interest in sex for the past 12 years just after my boy was born. I was fingering her just ever so slightly and she came immediately..her body in need but her mind set to believe not in the mood. I must be a fool to have not caught on to this for 12 years. I asked her why she did not tell me after the first year? Or when was she going to tell me? If I had not insisted she reply, I was still be thinking this is the way it is for me or in marriage. Whatever that means. What is the norm for sexual interest? I bring her flowers, chocolates, b-day gifts, everyday kises, all the time complimnets. Is it me? I did get her to agree to get a check up from a Dr. but this has been going on for 12 years?? If she really goes. I got to give her a chance we have insurance from my employer. Whats next??
I agree that she does not owe me any gratitide for being faithfull, and I have never said that to her (as a ploy), only that I have been faithfull to her and asked do you want me to get sex elswhere? and just be married to me? She said is that what you want to do? I'm concerned that may not be the right road to take since I have kids and a very good reputation all over, it could look like I was just out cheating on her.
Looks like I got a few of us, slightly, "up in in arms" over my thinking/suggesting she owes me anything for just being faithfull to her. Sometimes I say things that are misunderstood, mostly not. She will not respond on this site, or hardly even to me in front of her eyes. Please read my post update for today 10-27-08. What's next??
Go to the doc w/her to find the answer. No medical issue such as perimenopause or hormones issue? Seek marital counseling...stop attempting sex, no kissing either as she wants. Follow the advice of the counselor.
No resolve? Decide if this "no sex again" is enough or leave the marriage.
I have news for you. Just because she doesn't pull a paycheck means diddly. Stay at home moms do work to equal having TWO full time jobs. And guess what, the cost of childcare to allow her to have worked outside the home would about equal the paycheck she'd probably have pulled anyway so it's kind of a moot point.
The doctor is a good idea always, but you need to take a look at some things here too. Let me tell you a quick story my mom has told a couple times about my dad's lack of help with us kids. My mother has suffered from 'sick headaches' my whole life-we only recently got a diagnosis of migraine. Anyway, she was once sick on the couch with one of these headaches, had to lean over the edge of the couch to change a diaper, and then go 'pray to the porcelain gods' shall we say, because my father didn't do the work involved with the kids. He would play and have fun, but the responsibility and less than joyous work fell to my mother, even when she was in no condition to do it.
This thing that's happening with your wife is not a personal affront to you. She's not holding sex hostage for the purpose of punishing you for anything. She's exhausted from raising children with little help from her husband. She's probably resentful somewhere inside, just like you are. Open your eyes to your part of this thing and work together with her to get it repaired.
Edit because I just read your most recent update: Do you hear the selfishness in that post? The only reason you're concerned about going outside the marriage is your reputation?? Instead of caring about her feelings because of how much you care about her?? Think long and hard about this stuff because it underscores again how she's not the only culprit here.
Please see my 10-27 post. I agree she does not owe me anything from gratitude for being faithfull. I should have not said that. But she does owe me and "us" some honesty...the past 12 years no sexual interest ??? Never in the mood??? I asked why did she not tell me after the 1st year? Or, when was she going to tell me? If I had not stuck to my guns, and insisted she answer my question I would still be in marriage Limbo (still am). I had to get that out of her. Everytime I try to have conversations such as this, she advoids and acts like I reading beyond the lines. What's next?? See my 2 postings for today, please...
I did....reread mine please. I"m not addressing the gratitude thing anymore. You're completely ignoring what she did say once she said it. Granted she should have come to you with it sooner. There's no denying that. But the concerns she brought to you that she says are reasons for it, you have completely dismissed with excuses that you think should make it okay.
No paycheck has been good for the kids and keeping a household but I think it limits her ability to develop self esteem by just doing something else besides being at the house all the time. I invite her to movies or to go out of town to my relatives and she always says no. We can take the kids and still have fun. I don't think my not helping enough with the kids could be the cause of my 12 year curse here, or not listening to everything she said. I admit sometimes listening is not my best skill, but I do ask follow up questions to figure out what I missed, when stories get to long, and too much detail. I hope she will go to the Dr.
[QUOTE=Gibson52;227513]I don't think my not helping enough with the kids could be the cause of my 12 year curse here, or not listening to everything she said. I admit sometimes listening is not my best skill, but I do ask follow up questions to figure out what I missed, when stories get to long, and too much detail.[/QUOTE]
You're totally blind to the condescension in that statement, aren't you?
Well I think it is totally obvious to why he isn't "gettin any". With all due respect dude, you are so completely self centered I find it nearly impossible to read your posts. I get the sense that you being on here is your way of NOT being self centered. You are so into yourself and what you want that you can't think for more than 4 seconds of anyone other than yourself. I tell you what, your wife must be an angel from heaven. YOU OWE HER SOME DAMN GRATITUDE FOR PUTTING UP WITH YOUR SORRY ASS ALL THESE YEARS! Get over yourself, actually listen once in a great while, and maybe even help at home a lil bit, then maybe things might change. But you have to look at yourself, then maybe you can change things that you don't like. Sometimes the issues people are having are self inflicted. This is a classic case! Question is are you even capable of looking at yourself? Or are you just gonna bitch and moan?
The reasons she gave me...not helping enough with the kids, and not listening to her enough.
Gosh I think I have been quite involved with my kids growing up. My wife has a bad habit of criticising me or down playing my comments to make me look dumb or her in the lead. Even going so far as critcising me in front of our kids who have both told me Mom always says this and that about you. I don't play that game with me kids by criticising her. She is very rude and has a low tolerance to patience with me. I do not make a point to be rude to her, so often I do not answer to rude comments which leaves me avoiding conversation with her since she wants to question and/or critique everything I say or want to do, with what I should do or not do. Communication is not good. I know this sounds like I am trying to convince someone that I am all good...not true. But if you sat in my living room and observed...I bet you would say something else. She is rude and condescending to me (and I ask her not to do this, please), and even my direct family when they visit. She has pretty much run them off as they see her rudeness to me and to them, and prefer to go elsewhere where someone is not judging or laughing at them for not seeing every little thing her way.
Well this latest post proves my point.
"Its not my fault" followed by mass criticism of the things that "YOU" have to put up with.
It is all about you! You are a god! You are a legendary man!
Just ask ya!
You are a man, you deserve respect from your spouse and she deserves the same from you. At times we see things in different perspectives or can be annoyed while posting. Honestly go to the doc with her...then try counseling. If this does not work; it's time to part since this is not a healthy marriage for you, her, or your children. Children know when a marriage is doomed and staying for the kids is the most harmful option a couple can make since it distorts their views of a good & healthy marriage.
[quote=Gibson52;227518]The reasons she gave me...not helping enough with the kids, and not listening to her enough.
Gosh I think I have been quite involved with my kids growing up. My wife has a bad habit of criticising me or down playing my comments to make me look dumb or her in the lead. Even going so far as critcising me in front of our kids who have both told me Mom always says this and that about you. I don't play that game with me kids by criticising her. She is very rude and has a low tolerance to patience with me. I do not make a point to be rude to her, so often I do not answer to rude comments which leaves me avoiding conversation with her since she wants to question and/or critique everything I say or want to do, with what I should do or not do. Communication is not good. I know this sounds like I am trying to convince someone that I am all good...not true. But if you sat in my living room and observed...I bet you would say something else. She is rude and condescending to me (and I ask her not to do this, please), and even my direct family when they visit. She has pretty much run them off as they see her rudeness to me and to them, and prefer to go elsewhere where someone is not judging or laughing at them for not seeing every little thing her way.[/quote]
Well I agree that it's counseling or divorce, but I disagree that this is all her fault or that sex is the primary reason. They BOTH treat each other very poorly from what I see. They have both been hurt by, and are therefore resentful of, each other. And while 'why did it take her 12 years and a demand that she speak up?' is a valid question, so is 'why did it take HIM 12 years to make that demand?'.
They've BOTH let their communication and respect for each other go down the drain. Hopefully if they get some good counseling they can find it again.
This sounds like a very unhealthy marriage, and you are both to blame. Sex is the least of your problems, you both seem to be lacking the basic tenant of respect. Like the others have all said, seek counseling, work out all the other issues, figure out if you are still actually in love with eachother and if not..divorce, before you make eachother's lives completely miserable.
I say go through counseling first...always try it; 100% full commitment to getting this to work. Why did you both fall in love & marry?
Divorce is only an option when all else has been exhausted.