It is important to know and understand that we do not give orgasms away to our partner. Each person is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can do is to help them achieve it. To do this we must learn to mimic their specific technique of motions, rhythms, and pressure that is unique to them. In addition, we must provide verbal and/or non-verbal feedback to our partner on how we are responding to their caresses, and, for what we may need, now.
Every male and female of the species has millions of sensitive nerve endings in the skin and other organs, a pleasure center in the brain, and, an autonomic nervous system to transmit signals back and forth. Unfortunately Mother Nature plays a mischievious trick on us by not "connecting the dots". We must establish the connections through practice. Boys do this almost matter-of-factly right out of puberty and quickly develop a routine for how they will do this pretty much the rest of their lives. Girls on the other hand either do not learn to masturbate as early, if at all. The process of making the transition from preorgasmic to an orgasmic being requires a more conscious and concerted effort.
Using a vibrator to build one's level of arousal is not bad, done in moderation. If you use one, I recommend putting it away for the time being. The reason is because it generates intense sensations that condition our nervous system to only be responsive to those levels. You need to be able to train your body and mind to become aroused from the much less intense stimulations of a finger, first and foremost.
You can do this by undertaking a daily set of exercises in which you learn to pleasure yourself at times when you are not tired, preoccupied with other thoughts or obligations, and, when the house is quiet and you will not be disturbed. You should do the exercise once or twice a day depending upon how you feel about it.
Begin by letting your hands roam your body with a sense of timelessness. Stroke your hair, your neck, shoulders, arms, chest (not your breasts), abdomen, legs, thighs, small of the back, buttocks, and any other place you can reach. Your objectives are to learn what feels good where and when, and then to caress yourself there at those times in order to build your level of sexual excitement, tension, and anticipation.
After building your arousal to a high degree just from your caresses, you can then move on to include your breasts, pubic mound (mons) and later, your vulva and its associated pieces-parts.
In time you will learn how much of a contribution breast play adds to your arousal. Some women enjoy nipple play right up to the trigger point of an orgasm and beyond; others enjoy it up to the brink of an orgasm and find any more stimulation beyond this point very distracting. Learn what works for you.
The same goes for your genitals. One place to begin is by letting your fingers roam from your abdomen downward, or from your thighs. Finger your pubic hair, scratch or massage your pubic mound; and then, move on to the labia majora and minora. Include the clitoris later and indirectly at first until your level of arousal begins to peak. Massage, kneed, and gently tug on the lips and then move closer to the clitoris. You have options depending upon your level of arousal at any given point in time. The shaft of the clitoris can be massaged, and the hood and tip of the clitoris can be fingered directly or indirectly by folding the inner lips over it. You should be learning what feels good and how to repeat those sensations in the future. Include the many nerves around the outside of the vagina and just inside.
Let your mind focus on the many sensations and repeat those that particularly feel good and increase your passion. As you become more highly aroused you will find that your mind does focus on what you are doing and that your awareness of things around you will disappear. Your breathing will change, you will perspire, and, your body will tense as things progress.
You may very well find that as you close in on an orgasm that you have an urge to pee. This is a false signal (especially if you have recently gone to the bathroom) and should be ignored. Just continue to press through the urge and you will find your climax on the other side. Within a short time this false signal will go away.
The closer you get to your climax, the faster your fingers/hand will want to move. Do not stop, just keep doing what you are doing.* Because it seems to be more of an effort to work up an orgasm than it is for the male of the species, I believe it is fair to say that results will take some time. Just keep working at it, learn what feels good, what builds ard/or, and then when you become tense, your breathing changes, your begin to perspire, your awareness of the outside world disappears, you become all tingly, DO NOT STOP. Keep on keeping on until the orgasm happens. Many women report having problems that seem to stem from stopping or aborting and not pushing on. So, to recap, if you know your bladder is empty, just ignore the need to pee, and if your clitoris happens to become too sensitive to touch, then do so indirectly. Just do not stop until "it" happens--or, you've given it the good ol college try and it just isn't going to happen this time.
* When first learning to masturbate, guys and gals often find that their fingers, wrist, and/or arm become sore and tired from the exertion and the rapid ongoing movements that are new. In time, with repetition, muscle strength will improve and the soreness and muscle fatigue will go away. Not to worry.
Once you have experienced your first orgasm, the next one should be less difficult to achieve, and, they will generally be easier to come by with more practice and as the pathways are established and solidified. Once you can masturbate and have orgasms repeatedly and consistently, you can then show your partner how you do it and guide his hand over several sessions until he learns to mimic the motions, rhythms, and pressures, that you have now come to rely upon.
thank you doc i think many men can benefit from that as well as in how to warm their partner up
This was very informing. Actually this was why i made an account. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and until a 2 months ago i was a virgin. He claims he was too. Anyway i never felt pleasured during sex and now i know why. : )
i massage my clitoris until i can feel somethin build up.. then i get a little burst of pleasure and i buck forwards.. but after that it gets too sensitive to touch. i can do this without any vaginal penetration.. but i dont know how to get past that little burst and continue through to orgasm??
Massage or rub the clitoris indirectly when it becomes too sensitive to touch directly. As noted in the Sticky post, you can fold the labia over the clitoris which transmit the stimulus through some padding. You can also stroke the shaft of the clitoris. Third, another way to involve the clitoris indirectly is to work just with the inner labia. Pulling and rubbing them will carry over to the clitoris. Please give one or all of these a try as seems fit.
Personally, i find that penetration slows the 'burst' so it lets u continue to orgasm. i think massaging ur clit is TOO direct of a way to orgasm. jus a little penetration makes it nice and gradual so that u can get all the way through. hope that helps...
wow... i just love reading these, it seems like I am getting there with my questions; i just need to practice them!
I was wondering though, since I've never had an orgasm... and I can't really masturbate (never works)......when I try rubbing my clitoris, on the time I've been doing it, it seems like I can't do it anymore, like my fingers won't do it... i don't know how to explain exactly, but would that mean that is getting too sensible, and that i should start touching it indirectly?
thanks... :)
> I was wondering though, since I've never had an orgasm... and I can't really masturbate (never works)......when I try rubbing my clitoris, on the time I've been doing it, it seems like I can't do it anymore, like my fingers won't do it... i don't know how to explain exactly,
You're right, this explanation is unclear. Please try again.
I'm not sure if you mean that your fingers become tired or something else. If this is what you mean, consider that during the early stages of arousal our fingers/hand move much more slowly and globally around the area. As we begin to zero in on an orgasm and near the peak of our arousal, many changes take place including focusing in on the approaching orgasm to the exclusion of everything else around us. Up to a point, the closer the orgasm is the faster our fingers or hand moves.
Brandye states that about 25% of women cannot climax. You won't know for sure until you give this process your all. To help the process along, go to the bathroom shortly before because we sometimes get the feeling of needing to pee. If you know the bladder is empty then you will recognize this to be a false signal and can push right through the sensation.
> but would that mean that is getting too sensible, and that i should start touching it indirectly?
Sensible? Sensitive??
Try touching the clitoris through the inner labia or by tugging on one or both. You can also work up an orgasm by rubbing or massaging the shaft of the clitoris.
I've never achieved an orgasim while he's inside me. How does one achieve this? And, how does one achieve multiple orgasims when they can't even achieve one?
Hello Joan,
I apologize for the tardy reply. I do not constantly monitor the Sticky posts.
> I've never achieved an orgasim while he's inside me. How does one achieve this?
Very few sexual positions lend themselves to providing the necessary and constant contact between bodies in order to generate the ongoing friction required. That said, what a caring and knowledgeable lover will do is to reach around and finger his partner while stroking.
> And, how does one achieve multiple orgasims when they can't even achieve one?
Are you saying that you cannot achieve an orgasm from intercourse, or, that you have yet to experience an orgasm, period, like from masturbation?
For the sake of discussion, I'll presume the former. If this is the case, then have your partner finger you while stroking. If you want, he can do the same thing during Foreplay if you are interested in having orgasms from a hand job and/or oral stimulation.
Once you've had the first orgasm, the second, third, etc., can generally come in quick succession, usually with just a few moments of quiet time in between.
Each woman reacts differently and differently at different times during the month. Explore and learn together just how to go after those additional climaxes. Masturbation offers a great path toward self discovery and can be a great way to learn how to achieve multiple orgasms. Once you know what it takes and how to achieve them on your own, you can then teach your partner what is required.
Guys can also enjoy multiple orgasms, although, we are limited to perhaps two or three additional ones while the typical woman can enjoy many more and in quicker succession. The male multiples are spread out between about ten and thirty minutes. This being the case, you can keep him interested during his refractory period {down time) while he pleasures you again and again. Also, one or more of your additional climaxes can be timed to occur with one of his. Working the "system" this way keeps the "fires" burning, and prolongs your time together.
i have a question,...now i have read the thread and all of the reply's...but i am still unsure... my GF and I are both new to sex, she has never had contact with her vagina, i am the first person to touch and see it. We do alot of foreplay... (because it causes her ALOT of pain for me to put "it" in her)... and i cant seem to get her to have an orgasm.... she gets damn well close..(i think) but she just stops wen i think she is almost there. I don't understand why this occurs. I know she has never had sex let alone been touched until now, and she doesn't masturbate. maybe she is just to new to this???? i am so confused!! please message me thank you
ps. i love this site so helpful :]
> i have a question,...now i have read the thread and all of the reply's...but i am still unsure...
> my GF and I are both new to sex, she has never had contact with her vagina, i am the first person to touch and see it. We do alot of foreplay... (because it causes her ALOT of pain for me to put "it" in her)...
Please read this thread:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/dating_and_new_relationships/21891-confu...
> and i cant seem to get her to have an orgasm....
Asked and answered, above.
> she gets damn well close..(i think) but she just stops wen i think she is almost there. I don't understand why this occurs.
Asked and answered. Please reread the last paragraph in the Sticky post.
In addition, the two of you should read this Sticky:
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
> I know she has never had sex let alone been touched until now, and she doesn't masturbate.
Asked and answered as to why she must learn in the link, above.
> maybe she is just to new to this???? i am so confused!!
Yeeaa. I suggest that the two of you read the information contained in this link, either together or separately. Both of you and she especially needs much more information.
One Stop Shopping--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics
Your questions and concerns are very good ones. Please do not think that my reply is in any way being critical of you, just a heads up that both of you can benefit greatly from doing some reading. Please do, after which, if you have additional questions or concerns, feel free to ask.
ah, i've read this thread and tried said advice countless times...i have never been able to orgasm...alone or with a partner :(
Enimatic, have you read this Sticky post?
The Anatomy of the Female "O", Answered by Brandye & Dancingdoc2 & Inspired by Godiva
yes, i have.
the problem i have is that absolutely nothing feels good as far as clitoral stimulation goes-i usually feel nothing at all (though i am going to try a vibrator in the next week or so)
penetration feels good and i often feel like i am very close but for some reason i feel like i just can't "let go"
[quote=eminatic;189514]yes, i have.
the problem i have is that absolutely nothing feels good as far as clitoral stimulation goes-i usually feel nothing at all (though i am going to try a vibrator in the next week or so)
penetration feels good and i often feel like i am very close but for some reason i feel like i just can't "let go"[/quote]
Have you tried any of the clitoral stim gels such as "O" my (I think that's the name) found on bettersex.com? Might be worth a shot.
i can orgazim alone or rubbing against my parnter with clothes on but
when we have sex he has minimum contact wiht my clitorix
and I love the feeling but i cant have an orgazim
so i think i will start touching myslef while we are having sex
since this is making me mad that he has orgazims
and i dont
[QUOTE=justjoan;170806]I've never achieved an orgasim while he's inside me. How does one achieve this? And, how does one achieve multiple orgasims when they can't even achieve one?[/QUOTE]
The only way I can orgasm is through clitoral stimulation, but I can get pretty warmed up through oral and I love feeling him inside of me. So I combine all 3 - after foreplay and even after he has come or we have just been enjoying having sex, he will go down on me until I feel close, and then I will continue with manual stimulation until I am even closer and then allow him to enter me and slowly start thrusting while I continue rubbing until I come.
I haven't had sex enough times to be a guru on things, but as I am still learning, this has been the best way for us to enjoy sharing my orgasm in the closest way possible :)
thank u websitee!! i read and did exactly what u said to do...and i have never had...such an errotic experience in my life. 6 orgasms in 1 night. and 1 of those were in the shower. i learned soo much about my body. u were so right
Ok, now I have a question. I have been masturbating for years now and I can make myself orgasm through rubbing only. I dont ever finger myself because whenever I've tried, I feel no sensations in my vagina and focus on the ones in my finger and i get no pleasure from it. When I'm having sex with my boyfriend it feels good but I have NEVER orgasmed through intercourse. I think what I feel when I'm playing with myself is ALL clitoral stimulation resulting in a clitoral orgasm. Should I practice inserting fingers and TRY to get it to feel pleasureable? Because when I'm having sex my clit doesnt get stimulated so I feel like I need to try and make myself orasm through vaginal stimulation.
I just want to orgasm! It's been bothering me and I KNOW it has been bothering my boyfriend too. Please help me.
Perhaps you are trying to hard? Relax and read:http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new-sex/22722-kissing-caressing-young-pe...
[quote=Ashley101;227279]Ok, now I have a question. I have been masturbating for years now and I can make myself orgasm through rubbing only. I dont ever finger myself because whenever I've tried, I feel no sensations in my vagina and focus on the ones in my finger and i get no pleasure from it. When I'm having sex with my boyfriend it feels good but I have NEVER orgasmed through intercourse. I think what I feel when I'm playing with myself is ALL clitoral stimulation resulting in a clitoral orgasm. Should I practice inserting fingers and TRY to get it to feel pleasureable? Because when I'm having sex my clit doesnt get stimulated so I feel like I need to try and make myself orasm through vaginal stimulation.
I just want to orgasm! It's been bothering me and I KNOW it has been bothering my boyfriend too. Please help me.[/quote]
> I have been masturbating for years now and I can make myself orgasm through rubbing only. I dont ever finger myself because whenever I've tried, I feel no sensations in my vagina and focus on the ones in my finger and i get no pleasure from it.
Ashley, the only nerve endings associated with the vagina are in and around the opening. It is there that your fingers will have the greatest effect. What you will feel with a finger, penis, or, dildo, inside is a sense of fullness that women report as being very satisfying.
By "rubbing", I presume you mean stroking the clitoris and associated area. This is good.
> When I'm having sex with my boyfriend it feels good but I have NEVER orgasmed through intercourse.
This is so common it can be considered the norm. Why? Because very few sexual positions place your genital area in constant ongoing contact with his pubic area sufficient to generate the required friction. Some positions that do are the Woman Superior, and, the "X" and "Y" as I refer to them in which the couple recline on their sides facing each other. The only difference between them is in the positioning of the legs. There are others, so please refer to the animated illustrations accessible from the Home Page.
> I think what I feel when I'm playing with myself is ALL clitoral stimulation resulting in a clitoral orgasm. Should I practice inserting fingers and TRY to get it to feel pleasureable?
Feel free to experiment and to do what works and to repeat what works. There is no one right way, only what you have come to enjoy. Many women do not insert anything, although, I believe this trend may be changing, particularly among experienced women. Just experiment, note what works when and what does not. Do not be demanding of yourself and just become immersed in the moment--moment by moment.**
> Because when I'm having sex my clit doesnt get stimulated so I feel like I need to try and make myself orasm through vaginal stimulation.
Not necessarily. What a knowledgeable, skilled, caring, compassionate, lover will do is to reach around and finger his partner's clitoris, and associated "pieces-parts" by hand while stroking away. (Now, isn't that a great revelation?)
> I just want to orgasm! It's been bothering me and I KNOW it has been bothering my boyfriend too. Please help me.
This will help both of you. A little bit of insight will go a long way! Please spend some time reading the articles listed in the Index, and especially those linked in the above replies. If you have not read the opening articles to this thread, you need to as your concerns are precisely why the opening article and this thread were created.
> When I'm having sex with my boyfriend it feels good but I have NEVER orgasmed through intercourse. I think what I feel when I'm playing with myself is ALL clitoral stimulation resulting in a clitoral orgasm. Should I practice inserting fingers and TRY to get it to feel pleasureable?
**Later. My recommendation for the present is to learn how to have clitoral orgasms regularly and consistently using your fingers. When you've got this down pat, take your boyfriend's fingers and guide his movements over the course of several lovemaking sessions until he learns to mimic your movements, rhythms, and pressures. Key to this is in providing him with feedback (verbal and/or non-verbal as explained elsewhere) on how you are responding to his touch and for what you need now/next.
> Because when I'm having sex my clit doesnt get stimulated so I feel like I need to try and make myself orasm through vaginal stimulation.
Later, you can explore stimulating the G-spot and Fornexes. Work on these areas after you have become extremely turned on as it is then that the nerves in these areas become reactive.
> I just want to orgasm! It's been bothering me and I KNOW it has been bothering my boyfriend too. Please help me.
It has been my pleasure to provide this help. Now, the two of you please read the articles and do some practicing.
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;161544]It is important to know and understand that we do not give orgasms away to our partner. Each person is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can do is to help them achieve it. To do this we must learn to mimic their specific technique of motions, rhythms, and pressure that is unique to them. In addition, we must provide verbal and/or non-verbal feedback to our partner on how we are responding to their caresses, and, for what we may need, now.
Every male and female of the species has millions of sensitive nerve endings in the skin and other organs, a pleasure center in the brain, and, an autonomic nervous system to transmit signals back and forth. Unfortunately Mother Nature plays a mischievious trick on us by not "connecting the dots". We must establish the connections through practice. Boys do this almost matter-of-factly right out of puberty and quickly develop a routine for how they will do this pretty much the rest of their lives. Girls on the other hand either do not learn to masturbate as early, if at all. The process of making the transition from preorgasmic to an orgasmic being requires a more conscious and concerted effort.
Using a vibrator to build one's level of arousal is not bad, done in moderation. If you use one, I recommend putting it away for the time being. The reason is because it generates intense sensations that condition our nervous system to only be responsive to those levels. You need to be able to train your body and mind to become aroused from the much less intense stimulations of a finger, first and foremost.
You can do this by undertaking a daily set of exercises in which you learn to pleasure yourself at times when you are not tired, preoccupied with other thoughts or obligations, and, when the house is quiet and you will not be disturbed. You should do the exercise once or twice a day depending upon how you feel about it.
Begin by letting your hands roam your body with a sense of timelessness. Stroke your hair, your neck, shoulders, arms, chest (not your breasts), abdomen, legs, thighs, small of the back, buttocks, and any other place you can reach. Your objectives are to learn what feels good where and when, and then to caress yourself there at those times in order to build your level of sexual excitement, tension, and anticipation.
After building your arousal to a high degree just from your caresses, you can then move on to include your breasts, pubic mound (mons) and later, your vulva and its associated pieces-parts.
In time you will learn how much of a contribution breast play adds to your arousal. Some women enjoy nipple play right up to the trigger point of an orgasm and beyond; others enjoy it up to the brink of an orgasm and find any more stimulation beyond this point very distracting. Learn what works for you.
The same goes for your genitals. One place to begin is by letting your fingers roam from your abdomen downward, or from your thighs. Finger your pubic hair, scratch or massage your pubic mound; and then, move on to the labia majora and minora. Include the clitoris later and indirectly at first until your level of arousal begins to peak. Massage, kneed, and gently tug on the lips and then move closer to the clitoris. You have options depending upon your level of arousal at any given point in time. The shaft of the clitoris can be massaged, and the hood and tip of the clitoris can be fingered directly or indirectly by folding the inner lips over it. You should be learning what feels good and how to repeat those sensations in the future. Include the many nerves around the outside of the vagina and just inside.
Let your mind focus on the many sensations and repeat those that particularly feel good and increase your passion. As you become more highly aroused you will find that your mind does focus on what you are doing and that your awareness of things around you will disappear. Your breathing will change, you will perspire, and, your body will tense as things progress.
You may very well find that as you close in on an orgasm that you have an urge to pee. This is a false signal (especially if you have recently gone to the bathroom) and should be ignored. Just continue to press through the urge and you will find your climax on the other side. Within a short time this false signal will go away.
The closer you get to your climax, the faster your fingers/hand will want to move. Do not stop, just keep doing what you are doing.* Because it seems to be more of an effort to work up an orgasm than it is for the male of the species, I believe it is fair to say that results will take some time. Just keep working at it, learn what feels good, what builds ard/or, and then when you become tense, your breathing changes, your begin to perspire, your awareness of the outside world disappears, you become all tingly, DO NOT STOP. Keep on keeping on until the orgasm happens. Many women report having problems that seem to stem from stopping or aborting and not pushing on. So, to recap, if you know your bladder is empty, just ignore the need to pee, and if your clitoris happens to become too sensitive to touch, then do so indirectly. Just do not stop until "it" happens--or, you've given it the good ol college try and it just isn't going to happen this time.
* When first learning to masturbate, guys and gals often find that their fingers, wrist, and/or arm become sore and tired from the exertion and the rapid ongoing movements that are new. In time, with repetition, muscle strength will improve and the soreness and muscle fatigue will go away. Not to worry.
Once you have experienced your first orgasm, the next one should be less difficult to achieve, and, they will generally be easier to come by with more practice and as the pathways are established and solidified. Once you can masturbate and have orgasms repeatedly and consistently, you can then show your partner how you do it and guide his hand over several sessions until he learns to mimic the motions, rhythms, and pressures, that you have now come to rely upon.[/QUOTE]
This article is exactly what I needed to hear.My new partner recently bought m a vibrator which I can cum with easily on my own but not when my partner uses it on me or during sex.I find I am not as relaxed.So...... I am going to leave the vibrator for a few days and reintroduce my fingers to my pussy.I am hoping this will help me relax and with the info from this article I am hoping to be cumming in no time.
I know this post is a lil old but, this is a little unclear to me. Are you saying that for some women its impossible for them to have an orgasm? or everyone can have one but its hard for some women to reach more than others?
The facts are that one-quarter of all women rarely or never experience orgasm. One-half of us require some stimulation in addition to penetration and thrusting. Physiologically nearly all women appear able to have orgasms. The reasons for some not are unclear and include a complex of physiological and psychological explanations. In short, some get there more easily than others.
[QUOTE=Brandye;240116]The facts are that one-quarter of all women rarely or never experience orgasm. One-half of us require some stimulation in addition to penetration and thrusting. Physiologically nearly all women appear able to have orgasms. The reasons for some not are unclear and include a complex of physiological and psychological explanations. In short, some get there more easily than others.[/QUOTE]
OK then i feel better i was going to freak out if i knew i would never have an orgasm.
Doc,, I have only reached an orgasm when my boyfriend fingers me, not during sex.
Although its great that i can reach it through oral sex, but i want the whole experience!
When we are having sexual intercourse, i can see that my boyfriend is reaching his climax, while im feeling nothing. Minutes go by and its only happening to him!
I dont even feel anything when he changes positions! Whats wrong with me?
When his penis enters my vagina, i only feel like im putting in a tampon!
Where is the pleasure in that doc???
Also, when having sex and my boyfriend is clearly having all the pleasure, he sees that im feeling nothing and then he stops!
How long does it normally take before feeling anything or starting my reach to climax?
Should i just wait for the feeling to happen??
Please: he can't make you do a damn thing!
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN ORGASMS.
So, to help you along the way: RELAX. No tensing of msucles or of mind. FOCUS only on how wonderful and how this man will please you. FEEL, suspend everything else and just let the sensations run through you. They come, they go, they roll on by.
In addition: masturbate to climax all on your own. Often. Frequently. Until you can reliably achieve orgasm by whatever method you choose to use for masturbation.
Now then: please also review the following threads The Four Hotspots, The Program, and Body Worship. Do all of them.
Practice, practice and then, more practice!
The more you do, the more you want and the better you get at it.
Thank you EvilEvilKitten,, this is the kind of advice i am looking for!
So, just to clarify, women can get their own orgasm and even reach a climax ON THEIR OWN??
So what is the mans role??
Me and my boyfriend have just started to have sex and experiment a bit, and only recently I have started to masturbate on my own.
I have read that, the more I masturbate, the easier it gets to reach a climax and also the less painful it will be when i have sex with my boyfriend, but is this true?
Will masturbating improve and be more enjoyable the more i do it?
Yes.
A lover assists and adds intimacy and thereby 'sweetens' and 'heightens' the sexual experience. A lover also teaches you how to give as well as receive and that it isn't just about the orgasm. You also learn compassion and some humility as well.
Hi,
Thank you for the questions. From your post it seems like you just jumped in without having read the entire thread. This is one of many articles listed in the Index that is both informative and a how-to. I have addressed your concern in a couple of posts, above.
[QUOTE=GweMi;248039]Doc,, I have only reached an orgasm when my boyfriend fingers me, not during sex. Although its great that i can reach it through oral sex, but i want the whole experience!
[COLOR="blue">I recommend reading the entire article and replies, above. All of the articles listed in the Index were written to answer common questions that people ask about, and, to provide additional background information, so that we do not have to continually spend time re- re- rewriting the information each time a new person to the community asks.[/COLOR]
When we are having sexual intercourse, i can see that my boyfriend is reaching his climax, while im feeling nothing. Minutes go by and its only happening to him!
[COLOR="blue">
1. Very few sexual positions place a woman's pieces-parts in close constant contact with a man's pubic mound sufficient to generate the required friction. What a caring, knowledgeable, lover will do is reach around and finger his partner while stroking away.
2. The vaginal vault is devoid of sensitive nerves, except in and around the entrance. One of the things that is satisfying is the sense of fullness a woman feels from having a penis inside. Then, too, is the sense of being one with the other for a few minutes.[/COLOR]
I dont even feel anything when he changes positions! Whats wrong with me?
When his penis enters my vagina, i only feel like im putting in a tampon!
Where is the pleasure in that doc???
[COLOR="blue">Answered, above. There is nothing wrong with you, although, your expectations are on the wrong things.[/COLOR]
Also, when having sex and my boyfriend is clearly having all the pleasure, he sees that im feeling nothing and then he stops!
[COLOR="blue">Your boyfriend needs more insight and information. I recommend that both of you begin reading all of the articles listed in the Index. Knowledge is empowering. By stopping he may mean well, yet this is exactly not what should be done! How frustrating for you.
* How much time are the two of you devoting to fooling around and making out before ever getting to the foreplay stage?
* Do you do much kissing in order to get your engines reved up?
* How aroused do you generally become before beginning intercourse? [/COLOR]
How long does it normally take before feeling anything or starting my reach to climax?
Should i just wait for the feeling to happen??[/QUOTE]
Please read the article that discusses the differences in male/female arousal curves. Chapter Four: MORE: From bungling student to graduating Lover Cum Laude
There is no one answer to how long it takes a person to reach his/her peak. Much depends upon comfort (physically, emotionally, environmentally), mood, stress, excitement and anticipation, a man's understanding of how and what to do when, communication and feedback, to name a few requirements.
Certainly, if you are in a good mood, in a quiet place, with a loving lover, who knows what he is doing and communicating with you verbally and/or non-verbally, it can take only a few minutes; however, having said that, and in answer to one of the above questions, if you are not devoting at least half an hour to making out most of the time you are not giving yourselves sufficient time to become highly aroused.
Intercourse should not normally begin until you are ready and then invite him in. Many fellas nowadays operate under the misguided misconception that the most expedient way to an orgasm is from lots and Lots and Lots of stroking and thrusting. WRONG. This is the why of making out in all of its various stages. Both of you should be at the brink of an orgasm before starting.
There is much to read and learn on all this so I suggest that together or separately, you begin and then discuss what you have learned.
wow this realli helps thanx :)
Thanks a lot. I felt bad about not coming. My partner/bf would think that he isn't doing something right, but I would feel worst and think that I'm not normal. I have tried this technique once and it did good while i added it on the phone with my partner. So how can you tell if it's an orgasm or just wet juices? Does it have to be a white sticky substance?
I Dont Know Where those Parts Are..
Miranda,
Look around this Board. There are upfront articles and posts on many forums that can help you. Then visit clitical.com and get some ideas for yourself.
I wonder if Doc ever gets tired of repeating 'emself. Tehehe.
I however have a situation, that I would prefer a specific answer to.
I got out of a 5 yr bad relationship about 3 months ago to be with a new guy that I have known for almost 2 years. In this past relationship, the fella was an alcoholic and I hated to have sex with a brewery, but on the VARY rare ocassion that we did, I had no problems with cumming. In between I made use of a vibrator at least once a week minimum if not a few times a week. Now that I am with my new guy, he has seriously opened my eyes to my sexual cravings, however, the only time I have gotten off during intercourse is when he placed my vibrator in between us during missionary, which seems to be the only position I can get off in or come close to getting off in in the first place.
I am so addicted to the way he treats me in bed and he's told me that I'm the best lover he's ever had, as he is mine. I have put the vibrator away and tried just using my fingers, but I can't even stimulate myself into the big 'O' without my toy, no matter how into it I am. I think I have pretty much desensitized myself to finger stimulation with it? Also, I have issues with a glandular cyst that likes to pop up at least once a year. One time, the Dr. made a 2inch incision along the outside of my lip so that she could actually look into it and try to find the cause etc, so I am also wondering if that could have damaged anything?
It's not that he is lacking in skill, he uses most of the teqs that I have read about. He is a very sexually aware man in knowing where to touch or what to touch, and when to touch it. I just, can't get past that 'almost there' part.
Where the incision is relative your excitable parts will not affect any nerves or ability to respond. I am assuming the peri-vaginal glands (Glands of Bartholin) rather than the peri-urethral.
You have been with your new partner a relatively short time and it does some getting accustomed to new things. I would suggest some exploration for getting over the top from other things he does - such as oral or digital. It is possible that you have become a bit addicted to the speed of the vibrator but that is mostly mental and you will get over it.
Above all, keep in mind that a quarter of all women never experience orgasm, a quarter regularly reach orgasm through penetration and thrusting and fully half of us require stimulation in addition to what the penis does.
Thank you dear. Will be looking forward to when I that moment comes =0) I was figuring it was more so mental than anything else at this point and really just needed a second opinion. :D
[quote=]I wonder if Doc ever gets tired of repeating 'emself. Tehehe. [/quote]
I rely upon "copy 'n paste!" quite a bit. Others have said that I like to hear myself talk--or, more to the digital point, watch myself type. Take your pick.:D
Well, I like watching myself type too!! So we can just go with that one haha =0)
Your self analysis is correct. You have desensitized yourself as a result of using a vibrator too much. Vibes are useful and helpful and fun yet if a person relies upon them or enjoys their results too frequently, then becoming less sensitive to the softer gentler touch and caress of fingers can result.
Time to return to basics.
Do not throw that vibrator out, keep it handy, yet out of sight and reach.
Go back to when you were first learning to masturbate and put into practice what you did then in order to retrain your mind and body to respond to the milder sensations of your fingers. Doing so will take some time and plenty of masturbation, yet it is possible to "reconnect the dots" and to enjoy both forms of stimulation.
Have fun! and do not think of this retraining or "rewiring" as a chore or anything negative. Maintain a positive attitude to this.
dont feel to bad about it when i started to have sex my bf in no short of way could make me he tried everything but he just couldn't do it. then one day i started to read up on it cuz at the time i didnt no anything..and i learned alot and we started having sex all different ways and he ate me out differently..now he can get me to many and many times when we have sex
This is so much help, its just what i was looking for.
I've been masturbating since i was young, but i suppose i havent been very curious about how the rest of my body works, because i've focused on Clitoral stimulation only.
Yesterday marked the two week date from my first time. I have trouble achieving a satisfying orgasm when he's inside me, as its hard to touch myself and have him laying right on top (we've only really done missionary... doggy makes him finish too fast ;.; its a fun position). I suppose i've become to used to my hand and desensitized? and should i try this exercise not only by myself, but him as well?
Explore, and learn together.
Not to and you will not discover what works and what does not.
mineye - see the ticky post entitled The Program
base on personal experienced.it is true that we are responsible to get in orgasm! and if ur man is with you he can only guide you! and making in orgasm i think not rely only penetration i think! more on oral sex..that is my own opinion..i hope it will help...