You have to be persistent like a man. You know how men will start a date with saying they want to have sex with you. Then all during the date they will ask you if you want to have sex and even if you say no they will keep asking and saying how much they want you until they wear you down at the end of the date- or not. Even then, they will touch you during the date and ask you to touch them and act like they're really turned on and ask for kisses and touches and strokes and keep on. When i was on a date, I was so used to being pursued that after he was satisfied after sex and i wanted to cuddle i'd ask once and he'd say no and i would give up. I didn't know how to ask for what i wanted like men. Just because you as a woman might not want sex you might want something else just as much. So wear them down for what you want- be a little selfish. How about a massage? Ask them at the beginning of the date for one, let them massage your shoulders, ask for more, you want your back massaged, your feet, how about your hands?- your face stroked with light caresses, kisses teasing you around your breasts, licks and sucks, then their mouth to suck your nipple and roll their tongue starting around the edge of your nipple whirled in a circle toward the center- enough of that- back to massage- ask for what you want! A lot of times after a looonnnggg relaxing massage a woman can be sensitive to wanting sex so you may feel like more intimate caresses- be aggressive and give back generously, esp. after you've had yours, don't forget the man- or he won't be back for more- you know how it feels!
I could ask for massages all day- do! Keep touching and being intimate with your significant other and return the caressing touches and massages when you feel like it- give freely- a lot of times you'll find them so sexy you can't help but enjoy touching them!
You can also have a rich imagination by imagining caresses that you like, it doesn't have to be straight sex like a guy- women like it slower- if you start imagining at your pace you'll get very good.
However, if you're married or committed, i'd only imagine sex and touching with your significant other- to make one as faithful as possible. But you can appreciate beautiful bodies without imagining sex with them- try it-you'll see! it gives you REALLY good vibes just gazing at a beautiful male body.
Read up on sexy things to do so you always have an idea of what else you can ask for. But like a guy- be never ending persistent and aggressive! Women should be the aggressive ones a lot because then they can satisfy themselves more. So hope these tips spark that desire in you to be sexual in the way that a woman can be and should be! This coming from a woman herself! I will post more articles when i learn and have tips. My goal is to create the ultimate FREE Woman's guide to being sexually AGGRESSIVE! Help me towards that goal with any comments or suggestions!
[QUOTE]Men can take 5 minutes tops to get an orgasm.[/QUOTE]
not true at all. men can last as little as 5 minutes and go as long as hours to get an orgasm. it is not 5 minutes tops, just thought i would clear that up.
[QUOTE]they can learn to orgasm quicker[/QUOTE]
you can't determine how quick a girl will last in an orgasm and they cannot learn to orgasm quicker. it will just happen.
[QUOTE]You say to put your partner first, that sounds like good advice, how do you do that though?[/QUOTE]
best way to explain this is to basically think of them before yourself... think what they would like, how they would like it, ask what they want, etc etc... You need to realise that if you do not get anything in return that day/time then it is not the end of the world, you should be happy that they enjoyed it and had a good time not just thinkin of when you will get your turn. Ignore yourself at this point and just concentrate on your partner.
Well, I do not know where that came from but maybe it has some useful tidbits. For the purposes of most young women on this Board, I, too, say be aggressive about using condoms. Do not let him wear you down with the pleas of just once, or it is near your period, or just for a second - I won't come, or just the head.
Be aggressive! It is your body; protect it aggressively with a condom on him and an applicator of vaginal cream in you. Now, that is female aggressiveness!
:D Thanks Brandeye, that is very important of course. i wouldn't risk sex without it, i don't want babies here. I just thought this could spark newcomers or women not knowing how to please themselves to start pleasing themselves by being the aggressive one and not always just taking it. However, you are naturally aggressive and seeking for your own pleasure i would think- and experienced- i think this would just be natural for you. :)
I would not want to be in a relationship where you have to nag to get what you want. There should be an understanding so that both people can choose the best course of action for that particular time and situation even if it is not necessarily what your hormones and instincts desire.
me and my girl both stand at the same... we are quite protective and do not care for any of the 'not wearing 1 because it wont happen to us' thing.
it can happen to anyone.. the more precautions the better... u can still have fun wearing a rubber and that way if you are not ready for a child you can keep having fun the proper way without bringing a lifeform to this world that really was not expected
Are we going to turn sex into a battle of who's most aggressive?
I'm all in favor of open, honest, sharing... and that of course includes stating one's needs, wants and preferences. However, there seems to be a fine line here.
Look at all the threads here that are about one person wanting (oral, sex during period, etc. etc.) something from the other person... sometimes without much consideration for what the other person wants. It most often seems that we are obsessed with pleasing ourselves and less interested in our partner!
The assumption that guys are always pesistent and women need to learn how to be more demanding sets the womens' movement back a few years.
Doesn't matter what the issue is... if a guy was truly interested in his girl's pleasure he'd be making sure to remove the threat of unwanted pregnancy. The condom issue aside, I'm not sure we gain greatly when we make sex about a contest of wills.
yes i have to agree... putting your girl first gives you numerous rewards...
If you keep thinking about yourself girls think you are only in it for one thing... if you share the love and put them before yourself sex and all of the other foreplay will still occur just it will feel so much better because she is really enjoying it as much as you and thus you will both be engaged in heavy feelings and pleasure.
Well said, Vper... there's much to be said for learning to enjoy another's pleasure! We need to learn to share!
At first I was going to object to your statement "putting your girl first gives you numerous rewards." It's true, of course, but we ought to put others first because we care, not for what we can get.
If we were more aggressively interested in our partner... we'll we'd learn a lot, wouldn't we? And in the process our partner would learn about herself...
and then her aggressive interest in us bring us pleasure and enables us to learn about ourselves...
almost magic!
thanks for your responses. Wally, you're right, i don't want sex to become an fight as to who's the most aggressive. You say to put your partner first, that sounds like good advice, how do you do that though? While getting your needs met? I'm of the opinion that women should be satisfied first during sex with an orgasm because it takes longer for a woman to achieve one. Then she can focus totally on her partner. It's not because i'm a woman and being selfish though. It's because of simple logic and wanting both partners to be satisfied.
However, putting partners needs first is always a good way to work. But i'm trying to be a little realistic. Men can take 5 minutes tops to get an orgasm. I've never had an orgasm from sex though.
If you don't like what i'm saying, what do you suggest that i say to women instead so that they can learn to orgasm quicker and enjoy sex more? Please just summarize it here. I still want to create a great free guide for women that i never had- maybe i need to read more books- i have several on my wish list.
Well... I'm not going to write your book for you. LOL Frankly, you need more than a summary -- you need to rethink your biases and beliefs and do some research into facts. As Vper has already pointed out, many of your "facts" are flawed.
One major problem with your thinking is that it implies sex is all about orgasms. It's not. Until you understand that... well... your "guide" is simply taking people down the wrong path and may well lead to increased frustration.
As for realistic... there is nothing unrealistic about putting your partner's needs first - male or female.
Your approach that the woman should be satisfied first is just wrong no matter how you rationalize it... yes, there are practical considerations when it comes to sexual response, but ultimately it's a highly individualized process unique to individuals and couples. It might be your preference, but it's not right for everybody else. In a sense, the rule is there are no rules.
Except one, maybe. Putting your partner first places him or her under an informal "obligation" to do two things:
1. Communicate to you openly and honestly what they want and need.
2. Reciprocate by listening to your wants and needs openly and honestly.
That listening goes beyond discussing who cums first. It includes "listening" to physical responses... and not expecting what you want - truly caring and "hearing" what your partner is feeling and wanting.
You can't reduce this is a scientfiic, mechanical formula...because it's done with words and touches and sounds and sights and... it's dynamic... it may never be the same twice and what's "right" today may not be "right" tomorrow.
There is nothing you can write for women that will get them to "orgasm quicker." For starters, there is no rule that says they should.. in a sense, you are perpetuating the very thing you want to eliminate! Just as with a partner, we ought to care enough to allow others to enjoy what they do... to feel and experience what they want, not what we want them to!
Man or woman -- who wants to "enjoy sex more" should explore, not follow rules and formulas and watch a clock. When we take an interest in our partner and our partner takes an interest in us... when we learn to understand the intimacies and mutuality of sex... we'll enjoy it more.
It's not that I "don't like" what you are saying... on one level I admire your enthusiasm - and I do think it's important that both men and women learn to communicate their wants and needs better. I'm just not sure you have the experience and understanding necessary... or, for that matter, that you are pursuing a thesis for your guide that makes sense.
[QUOTE] Well... I'm not going to write your book for you. LOL [/QUOTE]
:D Darn, well at least you're helping.
Thanks Vper, and Wally. yeah, enjoying the experience has it's perks. i find i enjoy other things than the man i'm with, like if we're grinding skin to skin on the bed i'm enjoying the skin contact and the feeling of being enveloped and the warmth and he's enjoying more the physical sensation in his groin area. or like he doesn't get turned on by my sucking his nipples but i do when he does mine. Then there's things that we mutually like like kissing. and there are all sorts of things like i notice trailing fingers along my partners bodies makes them feel good, they'll be feeling so great with that if i touch their groin they'll actually stop me and want me to continue trailing my fingers along their body and face. it's kinda cool.
i'm all for putting your partner first. but i'm kind of selfish in that i always think of what i can do for someone that also makes me feel good. i always think of satsifying my selfish needs and my giving needs at the same time. i don't want to sacrifice myself for someone else. But maybe there's something in sacrificing your wants for someone else. i have to explore that way of thinking more.
and about enjoying the experience, i definitely do that but i would like to experience what it truly is to be a guy and orgasm in a fast way. as well as learning what method i can take to do bang 123 and orgasm like crazy. orgasm faster is a goal of mine- it's not what i want to focus on all the time just sometimes, like sometimes people like slow, sometimes people like quickies.
But y'all have impressed on me the importance of putting your partners needs first. I'm going to research this more. it's just i wish guys would know that who i'm with because then i wouldn't be left hanging after theirs.
i need to read more books and explain it in a way that puts our partners first though i think. but i never want to forget my own satisfaction at the expense of theirs. if i'm satisfied more then i want to have sex more, not being pleased all the time does not make me feel like having sex.
[QUOTE]and about enjoying the experience, i definitely do that but i would like to experience what it truly is to be a guy and orgasm in a fast way. as well as learning what method i can take to do bang 123 and orgasm like crazy. orgasm faster is a goal of mine- it's not what i want to focus on all the time just sometimes, like sometimes people like slow, sometimes people like quickies.[/QUOTE]
ok.. here is what i have found works sometimes on my partner.
Get your man to start to get his fingers inside you in a way so that you are on your back and he is ontop of you (so the fingers are pointing upwards whilst inside the vagina). Now get him to sort of tickle the 'roof' or the vagina towards the front near the opening (by tickle i mean like making your fingers 'run' or like playing the bass guitar) in doing this it is rubbing the g-spot and thus giving the women quite a high level of sensation... constantly fingering and 'bass playing' will lower the time it takes to orgasm if followed by rubbing as well. (doing both will shorten the time, so rubbing and fingering/'bass playing' will shorten the time)
Do not quote me though, each person is different, but this is what i have found works. Otherwise just let nature take its coarse and don't let a little thing like how long u last get in the way of any feelings and emotions.
ok, i've researched this put the other person first thing and i have a great article about it that i'm going to put in this thread in a couple of days first. it's all about being satisfied putting your partner first sexually whether it's a male or female. i hope it'll be some new information.
Thanks Vper. I will try that! :) alone first. :)
No Problem, let me know how it goes.. though u will usually get more of a stimulation when your partner is doing it
I'm going to be making comparisons that might or might not make sense to other people but it makes sense to me. I'm going to compare being a good conversationalist to being good sexually.
Ok, you know how a good conversationalist asks questions to the other person to allow them to talk. I do that a lot. However, i only ask questions of other people that really interest me, i never ask questions to be bored. It's easy to think of questions that the other person can answer, just think of something you're really interested in about the other person and ask them about it and really listen to their response.
Same like in sex. If you want sex, be aggressive and touch the other person in ways that please you and also please your partner. Never touch your partner in a way that makes you bored, just to please him. There are thousands of ways that you can touch your partner so that it pleases you, even if on the surface it looks like it's just pleasing him. I've had experience with this in that i had 2 male friends that I would LOVE giving massages to. They had nice muscular bodies and it really turned me on to touch them, i would ask to touch them, and a lot of time i wouldn't recieve anything in return but i'd be totally satisfied. Your partner doesn't have to have a great body either- just find ways to touch that also interests you.
You can also asks your partner, "what do you want?" "what are your fantasies?" "where do you want me to touch you?" Then you touch them like they instruct. Then you remember and touch them like that over and over again. If something works, keep using it. Be varied but throw it in as a spice a lot.
To get your pleasure, some great advice i read is even if he's touching you in a way that doesn't please you, compliment him. oh, that reminds me of a very important point, whatever pleases you, whether if you're doing something to him or he's doing something to you, tell him that he's pleasing you. Like say, "i like when you do that." when he does something you like or moan or so "oh", "ah", "mmmm" "oh, yeah" or something that shows that you like what he's doing. But back to the first point, even if he's messing up compliment him and show signs you like it to give him self confidence. THEN, you can tell him to tweak what he's doing, like, gently tell him to stroke slightly differently or move the direction of his hand and he'll do it without being offended or feeling like he's attacked because you made sure you protected his feelings. but definitely if he's doing something that really pleases you, make sure he knows so he keeps doing it.
You can also say to him, "touch me in places that interest you." he might not understand what that means though. but if he does then that opens a whole new door. explain to him how to touch you and like it like i explained how to do it to him. You can also say "touch me anywhere" "touch me again." "touch me where you like touching me".
It's also important to have a flow. Like in conversation you say something related to what he said, and then he says something related to what you said. So, he touches you and you touch him in a way related to the way he touched you, he touches you in a way that you touched him- a flow.
also a good thing i read is that a lot of time people will touch you in ways that they like to be touched themselves. so, remember the ways he touched you and touch him like that. tell him this theory and tell him to remember the way you touch him sometimes because you'll like that back.
If you like someone, I can see you starting the touching. See how they respond, ask them questions and touch in a way that also pleases you. Or if you want them to seduce you, ask them to touch you. Be aggressive as much as you can stand it so you'll cause you're own happiness or orgasm, and then be submissive the times you have to rest but then be aggressive when you get enough energy to. Monitor your energy and be responsible for pleasing yourself as well as him. Both of you should be equally responsible- not just one person.
I also like romantic or sometime dirty talk. I can start as much as i can stand it and say things that i truly like, that truly interest me, that is romantic or dirty sounding as possible. Then ask the person gently to say something romantic or dirty in response if they haven't yet, and above all be encouraging of their trying outs so they don't feel embarrassed to be doing something new with you. Even encourage the mistakes and then fix them gently with your encouraging words. Try not to complain, cry, or be negative in any way. Like the saying goes, if you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all. Or i'll expand the saying by in alternative saying complimentary things to boost his self esteem and then gently correct him.
If they dont feel like making out or having sex or stop you, that might mean they are not sufficiently turned on, not that they don't want you to touch them. so focus on getting them as relaxed and turned on as possible. Focus on their needs first and you'll most likely be rewarded in the end. Give them a nice long massage. Touch them gently in ways and places that please you as well as them- spend a long time on them. If they tell you to stop, stop, and then start from the beginning and try to turn them on again. When you get past the roadblock, the pleasure will probably be even more intense. They'll probably return the favor if you do it right. You can turn cold to hot.
You can be turning yourself on at the same time you're turning him on too- if you touch him in ways that please you and him at the same time. The theory is you could orgasm while being 100% the giver and never taking. Of course this should only happen once in a while- it should be an equal give and take. Have fun touching, kissing, licking, sucking the other person.
Finally, i just wanted to say if they're not pleasing you in some way, limit the times you complain, or ask negative questions or things like that. They usually don't work. Just compliment them and hopefully they'll do more things you can compliment them on and they'll stop doing the things you hate.
also, another idea is if they're doing something jerky, give yourself permission to be an even bigger jerk to show them how it feels. If they have a problem with it you can say, well, isn't this exactly what you do to me? So if they're doing something you don't like, copy them, make it really OBVIOUS, do it right in front of them, make them feel how it feels. And you can get your kicks too. And then when they complain you can explain how it makes you feel and what you want instead and they'll be more likely to understand. This is just one suggestion. There's many ways to skin a cat- although i would never skin a cat. :) hope this helps and please comment on and give me some suggestions to improve. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks Vper and Wally and friends for the idea for this article. I hope y'all like it.