Alright so I've definatley read up on all the virgin threads, and I actually have a question I couldn't find a good answer for.
I have been using toys to masturbate and was wondering if this will decrease pain and actually make my first time pleasurable. I can get an orgasm very easily by myself vaginally and with clitoral stimulation. So, my real question is this: since I have used toys and such, will the real deal be as painful as often described?
An interesting question, that.
Thank you for doing some research, first, before posting.
Let's play "what if".
If you are able to insert one or two fingers comfortably without discomfort then the liklihood is that toys of small to moderate size will also be comfortable.
> I have been using toys to masturbate and was wondering if this will decrease pain and actually make my first time pleasurable.
If your toys are bigger around than that of the average penis then unless the man is being very rough with his actions, the liklihood of having pain is not very great.
Perhaps in your search of the Board you ran across one or more of my posts in which I describe an exercise that women can do prior to first intercourse that will help stretch the virginal vaginal opening (and hymen, if there). If you missed them, you can do an advanced search using my name and the term: quadrant, tug, bathtub, two fingers. The exercise is quite simple. Simply sit in a bathtub partially filled with warm water (no soap) in order to soften your skin. Insert one finger and pull or tug in one direction, holding the pressure for a moment before moving on to each of the other quadrants in turn. Do this at least once a day. When you can insert two fingers, either of one hand or one from each, continue to do the same only pulling together in opposite directions. This can be done for the hymen if it is in place as well as the opening that is naturally small in women who have not had much if an intercourse or who have given birth.
The ideal position for first time intercourse is the Woman Superior positon in which the man reclines face up while the woman straddles his body facing him. She can squat, kneel, or perhaps ideally--rest on her hands and knees hovering over him. Why? Because this position places the woman in total control. She knows where her opening is, where his penis is and can easily bring the two together. In so doing she can set the angle of penetration to some extent, the pressure applied, the speed of penetration, depth; and later, the speed, rate, and depth of the stroking.
As the woman, you can use a rocking and grinding motion more so than a bouncing up and down motion more effectively. Your man will be more passive unless you do use some up and down movements for which he can contribute to by elevating his hips. He can also steady your breasts by grasping and fondling them as desired.
> I can get an orgasm easily by myself vaginally and with clitoral stimulation.
GREAT! It is important to know that very few positions provide the required ongoing continuous contact in order to produce the necessary friction to bring about the woman's orgasm. The Woman Superior is one; the Missionary position in which the man rides high up in order to contact her "pieces parts" is another. What most caring considerate lovers do who are in the know is to reach around and finger the clitoris while stroking. I also believe it is best to help a woman climax before and/or after intercourse if it is her desire.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
Thanks so much for the help! I did in fact stumble upon some of your previous posts, and I think it's great you give such amazing answers to many of the questions here. Alright, so now in response to your guidance:
I'm glad you brought up a good first-time position. So often I picture myself losing it in the missionary, and that seems very cliche. Luckily my boyfriend (whom I don't live with mind you) hasn't pressured me, but we have definatley talked about it. I've waited to make sure I love him and wouldn't mind losing it to him, and he has always supported my decision. Plus, his first sexual encounter was a virgin also, so I'm hoping he picked up on some no-no's for first-timers like me. ;) Good to know that pain isn't a total worry! Thanks again for the help, you are amazing!
Thank you for the kudos.
As our resident doc. Brandye so often states, many women have little left of the hymen by the time they are ready for intercourse. One reason is due to exercise, another is because of toys like you enjoy. So, if your hymen has eroded away then first-time access is generally easier and less painful. You may experience some discomfort the first few times, especially if the opening is small. In your case, playing with dildos will be helpful, especially any larger ones.
Please do not expect things to go perfectly the first few times. Every new partnership (virgin(s) or not) brings with it a new set of dynamics, likes, dislikes, preferences, and obsticles to overcome. Experience equates knowledge not skill. So, while your boyfriend may have had some prior experience, it may or may not be of help. What is important is that you both explore and learn together, keeping in mind that making love in all its aspects is not what we do to the other person, rather, what we do with and for them. There is a big difference.
Gotta run. Duty calls. Feel free to continue the correspondence should you have additional questions, comments, or concerns.