You have only been with him for a month so you are still getting to know him and how he responds/reacts. Have a talk with him when neither of you are in the mood. If he wants to wait for you then great. If not then stand your ground and move on to someone that will. There are plenty of guys who will wait but there are those that won't. My opinion is he shouldn't be unhappy if you are sucking him off.He is getting something!

If he wont wait. Then leave.

> My boyfriend has been with me for a month and i dont have experience because my parents have been strict and never let me date out late. Now i'm 18 so i can but i feel a bit shy.

So, Molly, tell him what the deal is and if he agrees, you can relax. If not, you can tell him "it's been nice, but no thanks", and move on to the next guy in line.

I'm concerned that given your "freedom" at 18 that you are moving way too fast. I remember a time when couples made out in stages (Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting, Foreplay, progressing over several months in their familiarity with one another and their increasing level of intimacy.)

Progressing slowly over time and being armed with knowledge are keys to overcoming shyness. I recommend that you do both while reading every article listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. Knowledge is empowering. In fact, why don't the two of you read them, discuss the information learned, add it to what each of you already knows, and then explore and learn together.

Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other in partnership.

> Do most guys leave girls if the girl is not going all the way?

You are asking us to be mind readers when it comes to what your boyfriend will do. Statistically, no, most guys will respect the wishes of their girlfriend. More specifically, they will have enough integrity in themselves not to jeopardize their budding relationship. Sadly, not all guys will.

There is a section in the Index regarding dating. Please read those articles.

> I suck him and cuddle him on his lap with my bikini on but i want to stay a virgin until we are long-termish.

How much time do the two of you spend kissing, cuddling, Necking, and Petting before ever getting to sucking? My concern is that you might not be going slow enough--and, that by having oral &/or manual sex this early in your relationship that you are setting yourself up to make it very difficult to stick to your timetable.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

If a boyfriend decides to dissolve the relationship, what does it matter the reason?

If a girl decides to dissolve the relationship, what does it matter the reason?

If nothing untoward is going on it matters only in so much that one or the other is not the right partner for the other. Please read the articles on dating beginning with this one:

DATING--Rules: how to and how not to

Do you go right into sucking or do you take your time. If you dont already i would recommend kissing and licking his shaft, head, and balls without sucking him. Do that for a while and he is going to be so on the edge of cumming he will beg you to finish him in your mouth.

Btw happy belated 18th birthday.

Molly,
I can see that your parents really did a miserable job preparing you for life out in the world.

Bottom line: if you want to remain a virgin then get off his lap and stop giving him anything even remotely resembling sex - no oral, no manual, nothing! Because if you give him anything, he's not going to believe you when you say you want to remain a virgin. Guy are just like that. They look at your actions before they listen to you.

Next: if he leaves you because you're not engaging in sex then it is HIS loss and HIS fault. You are well rid of him. What makes a guy stay with a woman isn't sex - there's more to it than that. But if sex is going to be his 'end all and be all' then he's not "man enough" and therefore is UNWORTHY of you.

As far as I can see, you need to forget about men until you've grown a spine and a sense of self-identity and self-worth. Until you're married to a man, no man has the right to tell you to do anything or to not do anything. No boyfriends for you until you can RULE HIM not the other way around.

I don't think that its necessarily fair to call the OP's boyfriend "unworthy" if he chooses to leave since the OP hasn't even defined what she even considers to be "long term-ish". Does that mean six months? A year? Or maybe even two?

And another thing, the OP and her boyfriend were talking about being "exclusive" which we all know is a big no-no. Would he really be willing to stay in a exclusive with a girl who won't put until who knows when?

Not trying to sound shallow. Just looking at the bigger picture here.

> I read the index and he will too if he's ok with it but he seems to not read much hehehehe

What is wrong with this statement, people?

First, "he seems to not read much hehehehe"
Is the hehehe... a nervous chuckle, or is the hehehe... your approval?

Second, aren't you bothered by his apparent indifference to reading and learning about subjects that could make him a world class lover and great partner in other aspects of your relationship?

Third, why would he not be OK with it? Ya gotta inquire, not wonder....

> Thanks I read that article and the part about exclusive. My boyfriend wants us exclusive

Did he read the article? What is your conclusion after reading about the pros and cons?

No doubt his reasons at this phase of teenagedom and maturity is to possess and have ownership of you. The point to be made in the article is that you can imply exclusivity with your behaviors and actions toward each other. Other reasons for an open relationship is that if the two of you do decide to break up there will be less emotional upheaval. Second, dating should be open ended and the two of you should be able to date more than one person at a time--not that you will choose to. Why? The purpose of dating is to go out with others and learn about each person in depth as you discover what matters to you in a marriage partner. If you want to find that one in a million fella, you have to date a million fellas!

The two of you need to know and understand the purpose as well as the benefits of dating.

> he told me not to go to a male massage therapist anymore

Why does he want to control what you do or not do. It is your life, your needs, your desires. If he truly cared about your well being he would embrace your decisions unless you want to do something dangerous or reckless.

Another reason he may want to control what you do is that he is following thru on the notion that as the man in the relationship he must direct its content and direction and as a result--you. Nothing is further from the truth. As a leader in the relationship he should guide it and with your approval. (Read the article discussing "Implied Consent".)

Relationships are formed by two people each with a past who choose to join forces and have a cooperative life that is greater than the sum of its two parts.

As for the actual massage, what about them makes him uncomfortable? That you become aroused and wet? Better inform him you'll be visually checking his trousers frequently for signs of a bulging erection! and signs of precum stains.

As for the actual massage, it might behoove you to inform him why you get them. He may incorrectly presume that you are going to a third person in order to become aroused and get feel good feelings when in fact if they are deep tissue therapeutic massages, you receive them for your health and well being. He needs to know and understand the difference and not be threatened by the activity. Let him know you would enjoy the former at his hands and the latter from a trained and certified professional.

> > I suck him and cuddle him on his lap with my bikini on but i want to stay a virgin until we are long-termish.

Just out of curiosity, when you provide oral stimulation is your boyfriend fully exposed or is his penis only exposed thru the fly of his underwear? I ask because if the former, and you are wearing your bikini bottom as a modern day chastity belt, you will more than likely find it difficult to impossible to remain a virgin regardless of your timeline. WHY? Well, he's going to look at this from the point of view that if he can be and is exposed, then you should be too--and he'll no doubt have designs on how to accomplish this, so be prepared for an eventual tug-of-war.

If he is receiving pleasure at your hand &/or mouth, he is going to try and justify reciprocating in kind. He may hold off on having intercourse, yet if you stop him from fondling your genitalia in kind then all bets are off. Do you part your legs and let him finger you thru your clothing?

> Sucking is not until like one hour away because it ends his sea men and is messy on us so best to leave it till the end, no?

If the two of you are making out longer than 30--45 minutes with a collective mix of Necking, Petting, and Heavy Petting then you should become very highly aroused--and he will benefit from the time spent, also.

His ejaculate need not be messy because you have options.

1. You can catch and collect his semen in a small jar such as an artichoke heart jar.
2. You can mop up his puddle(s) of semen with a wet wash cloth
3. You can collect his semen in your mouth and either swallow or spit it out into a tissue.
+ if there is a handy box of tissues, you can wipe up any mess and continue on if the desire and time permits.

> He said making love will let him last longer.

Yes, and so too will masturbating an hour or so beforehand, or, not worrying about the first one and concentrating on having more enjoyable second and third orgasms in the string of multiples.

Didn't I mention somewhere about the article that discusses how to slow a guy down????

> I hope he waits but I guess I might make love soon anyways so maybe its gonna be okay anyway.

There is a "guess" two "anyways" and a "maybe". There are two many uncertainties and not enough substance to what the two of you wish for or will accept. Y'all gotta talk and start communicating with each other. Make a plan, sign off on it with him and proceed. I've said that it requires two "yeses" YET ONLY ONE "NO" for something to happen or not. Do the research and choose wisely. You can change your mind, yet before you decide on any plan, know that your first intuition is usually the correct one, and, that you have looked at all the options pro and con. Do not give in to this important life choice just because.

Stick to your guns as well as your choices in life.

I'm Ready for SEX! (or am I?) I really want to do it.

How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?

Squeeze & Training Exercise for Controlling Premature Ejaculation

Making Out--Knowing How Far To Go

Please, g-dubz, the girl is naive and the boyfriend is not. The guy is trying to control her and the relationship by demanding exclusivity and telling her what she can do and where she can go and acting like only he is entitled to make her wet. She does oral on him and worries that he will leave her if she doesn't have sex with him. He doesn't even bother to read the articles just glances and says in effect that he knows all of that already - he's so baad is the implication behind her hehehe.

That she's even worried he'll leave her unless she f's him tells its own tale.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;276718]Molly,
I can see that your parents really did a miserable job preparing you for life out in the world.

Bottom line: if you want to remain a virgin then get off his lap and stop giving.Because if you give him anything, he's not going to believe you when you say him anything even remotely resembling sex - no oral, no manual, nothing! you want to remain a virgin. Guy are just like that. They look at your actions before they listen to you.

Next: if he leaves you because you're not engaging in sex then it is HIS loss and HIS fault. You are well rid of him. What makes a guy stay with a woman isn't sex - there's more to it than that. But if sex is going to be his 'end all and be all' then he's not "man enough" and therefore is UNWORTHY of you.

As far as I can see, you need to forget about men until you've grown a spine and a sense of self-identity and self-worth.Until you're married to a man, no man has the right to tell you to do anything or to not do anything. No boyfriends unless you RULE HIM not the other way around.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;276730]Please, g-dubz, the girl is naive and the boyfriend is not. .The guy is trying to control her and the relationship by demanding exclusivity and telling her what she can do and where she can go and acting like only he is entitled to make her wet She does oral on him and worries that he will leave her if she doesn't have sex with him. He doesn't even bother to read the articles just glances and says in effect that he knows all of that already - he's so baad is the implication behind her hehehe.

That she's even worried he'll leave her unless she f's him tells its own tale.[/QUOTE]

I agree with everything EEK has said.He doesn't own you Molly and if he leaves you because you refuse to have sex with him,then he isn't a man at all,but an immature little boy who can't have his own way.Even if you are married to someone they still don't own you.

I was in an abusive marriage for 18 years,10 of which I was living away from my husband.We are now finally divorced and I am now with someone who doesn't control me.Well I guess he does in a way.We aren't married and he allows me to see other people, but as I am bisexual he agrees I can see women only.I have bent that rule somewhat and have several friends who are trans gendered or x-dressers.I have been on several dates with them but there has been no sex so far.I was honest with my boyfriend and told him that I had met these people but he is very judgemental and suspicious of them.Like my husband before him,he doesn't own me and if he doesn't approve and leaves me it is his loss.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;276730]Please, g-dubz, the girl is naive and the boyfriend is not. The guy is trying to control her and the relationship by demanding exclusivity and telling her what she can do and where she can go and acting like only he is entitled to make her wet. She does oral on him and worries that he will leave her if she doesn't have sex with him. He doesn't even bother to read the articles just glances and says in effect that he knows all of that already - he's so baad is the implication behind her hehehe.

That she's even worried he'll leave her unless she f's him tells its own tale.[/QUOTE]

I already knew that EEK. What my issue was is that while he is controlling (really she should just kick him to the curb just for that) she should have specified how long she wanted to remain a virgin with this guy. If she doesn't put out right away, he may leave or he may not. If she does choose to remain with this guy, she has to understand that while its okay to wait, she and her BF are going to have to get intimate at some point if their relationship is going to progress, because if she never chooses to have sex with him, then they're just going to part ways anyway.

If this is a guy the OP really desires, then she needs to figure out how long she wants to remain a virgin and see what happens from there.

If you find it confusing then DON'T have a boyfriend!

So he just walks away does he? He's of the opinion then that by asking him to read something you suggest that you are trying to control him and he's not going to let that happen.

He approves of this and he demands that - SO WHAT. Really, this guy of yours is impossible. What a self-centered "it's all about me" idiot! IT is NOT his place to demand/approve/disapprove of anything you do/say/think/feel. That's YOUR business, not his.

NO she doesn't have to set a time line to when she'll be "intimate" i.e. have penetrative sex with him. Sex in whatever form will occur when she says it will occur and not before and not subsequently unless she wants to have sex with him or with anyone else. Stop thinking he has 'rights' - he doesn't.

If he 'walks' he walks and good riddance to bad rubbish. This 'automatic assumption of leadership in the relationship' idea that men have has got to go. Until that point, she should consider him a learning experience and not as a serious boyfriend.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;276758]

Stop thinking he has 'rights' - he doesn't.

[/QUOTE]

I wasn't saying that he had rights. I just wanted to know if long-term to her meant a few months or possibly marriage. Just sayin'.

g-dubz, she used femme-speak.

What she actually meant by "long-term" is "not yet/now". She really didn't have an actual time in mind.

Well, dubz, you do sound shallow and have lost the big picture.

The big picture is that molly has gotten herself into something beyond what she wanted and we all need to learn from those experiences. Some of us have and some have repeated the same mistake over and over. Yes, he may leave you. So what will you have lost? You are in a learning mode and so is he. If you each leave the relationship with a better understanding of selves, and partners, then everybody wins. If you do something to meet someone else' expectations, no one wins and you will each repeat mistakes in the future, because this relationship is not bound for long term - yet.

OOOps! Molly just posted a well thought out and rational replay. Good for you, Molly!

[QUOTE=Brandye;276766]Well, dubz, you do sound shallow and have lost the big picture.

[/QUOTE]

Yeah, apparently since I'm applying the same logic and reason that was provided by most of the senior posters around here about sex & relationships and then applying to the OP's situation but fine whatever.

[QUOTE=molly_bikinier;276753][COLOR="blue">i know he never reads so I'm use to it, its like impossible for him to read (but he can read).[/COLOR]

Please clarify this for me, Molly: it is impossible (but he can....)

Of what benefit is it for you to make a life with a functionally illiterate person?

[COLOR="blue">I asked him today if he will read the links you gave but he just walked away. He never even reads magazines. The only way is if i say i will make love with him, then i think he would read [/COLOR] :rolleyes:

His (re)action speaks volumes. (Is he in regular Ed. in school or does he attend special classes or program? I'm just wondering how he will complete course work and be able to graduate. That he does, then what? Does he plan on going to a community college or trade school? What are your plans for continuing your education?

[COLOR="blue">From what you said I think I should maybe break up with him and just date.[/COLOR]

And what is the purpose of dating? DATING--Rules: how to and how not to

[COLOR="blue">I missed out on dates during the other years because of house rules. I like the idea of dates because its fun to wear different interesting clothes and guys I think are happy to kiss a lot on first dates :) Its exciting to think about[/COLOR] :D

Guys like kissing--period. I really do not believe you missed out on much. Many parents do not permit their child(ren) to date before 16 or 17 and not until a certain level of maturity has been achieved.

KISSING & CARESSING--a young person's guide to EXPLORATION
[COLOR="blue">
Today i told him about how my male massage therapist feels really good after playing tennis. And also netball. Its like my legs feel really tired and then feel perfect just after him. Because i have sensitive thighs in makes me turned on. I told him this but he said there is no reason why a girl can't do the massage. And so I said how that would do the same thing and turn me on from my thighs. He said its ok if a girl turns me on. [/COLOR]

Is he going to declare when it is time for you to get a physical or consult a doctor you will not go to a male doctor?
[COLOR="blue">
Anyways i think i'm gonna break up. Dating sounds fun![/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Dating should be fun, yet more importantly, it should be educational. In the beginning you want to observe and learn about male behavior at various ages. The fella you may fall for at 18-19 will very likely not be who attracts you at 21-25. Second is to assess what qualities do and when you know this then you can begin narrowing your search from among all the men you do date.

> I find it confusing to have a bf.

And, do you think boys are not confused when it comes to understanding girls? This is one more reason to date lots of different people. Communicating with each other also is of tremendous benefit to gaining understanding.

> My boyfriend seems ok if I am bi too because he approves of a female massage therapist making me go drooly.

Knowing what I know about this boy's personality type he feels threatened by a male masseuse making you feel good.

> But i love being kissed in my top and doing lapdances, so its gotta be a guy that likes that without wanting more.

Not impossible, but good luck in finding this guy. Sex for sex sake should be fun; however, I believe you need to recognize that this aspect will always be with us. What I wish you would begin understanding is how sex and love connect and finding importance with this. This will happen--eventually.

> My boyfriend made love to another girl he said.

Somehow I rather doubt this. I believe he had sex and got his rocks off. Love? Not so much. Please begin differentiating sex for sex sake and pleasure vs. sex as the outward expression of the love two people have for one another.

g-dubz, at the time you asked, she didn't know what she wanted, what she had gotten into, and where he was all about so how could she formulate a coherent meaningful answer to your question? Now she can and she did. Patience - you weren't wrong. You were early.

Awww thanks EEK :D

Good for you leaving him Molly and standing your ground. I personally can't understand why some people can be so controlling. dating is good for you since you didn't much if at all before. Best of luck because dating can be fun but also annoying. A pretty girl like you will attract all people good and bad.

Good for you. I got in on this one late, but it definately sounds like you are better off without a guy like that.

> i said i liked lapdancing him but want to keep my virginity, he said i was too cockteasey.

Maybe yes, probably not. Only you can judge the merit of this comment and it is part of the reason I asked what you permitted him to do for you in reciprocation.

Regardless of when you might decide to have intercourse--or lose your virginity as a result of foreplay, you have to be careful what you do for a boyfriend yet not permit him to do in return. For example, if he never undresses or only partially so, exposing his penis thru the fly in his pants, then you do not bare it all, either. Tit for tat? Not always. If you go further with the guy than you are prepared to reciprocate, then let him know up front. (Read article on boundaries and implied consent.)

If you enjoy giving a guy a lap dance, fine, yet understand he will most likely expect to be able to touch your genitals thru your clothing. If he climaxes as a result of the lap dance movements, he will probably want to try and finger you thru your clothing in an attempt to either bring about your orgasm or at the very least--feel really good.

The usual label attached to a person deemed to be a "cock teaser" is to work a guy up just short of climaxing and then stopping leaving him frustrated and hoping for that last little bit of fondling to take him beyond the point of no return. Failing to do this will often leave the guy with the uncomfortable condition known as "Blue Balls". So, before you give a guy a lap dance in the future, please understand that it can be fun and enjoyable for both of you, yet if you carry on too long, then abruptly stop short of his climax, you might very well be leaving the lad in a very agitated state! He may try to fondle you in reciprocation and could become a bit too aggressive, not so much to be mean but to try and encourage you to continue.

All this is not limited to just a lap dance; you can give the guy a hand job and/or a blow job and stop short of him ejaculating--maybe because of not wanting to make a mess or whatever the reason if his penis is exposed. So plan ahead and decide together what the limits will be. Keep tissues handy or a damp washcloth so that if he does climax, the puddle(s) can be wiped up. OH! and if either one of you is not yet comfortable fondling an exposed penis, it is OK to let him ejaculate inside his underwear. He will either live with the mess until returning home, or, he can discretely mop up with the tissues or napkins or washcloth on hand. No harm no foul.

When you begin dating another guy, do not be in a rush to "put out" for him. Spend a couple months or more getting to know and trust each other. It is OK to kiss and to cuddle, yet in the beginning keep it at this level of intimacy. Later, as explained in one of the articles, you can let his hands roam over your clothing, keeping his fingers at and above the shoulders at first {Necking). Later, let him explore your body with his hand, but keeping him away from breasts and crotch {Petting). Heavy Petting is letting him fondle your breasts while remaining dressed. The same for your genitals. Once the two of you get past the Necking stage, then mix up what you do so its all inclusive and not A then B then C. When it comes time for him to actually fondle your breasts, consider letting him slide his fingers inside your bra from the top down but do not be in a rush to unhook it. Let him wait! for another session or two later. Foreplay involves fondling breasts to include the nipples and areolas. Foreplay also involves gender appropriate fondling, kissing, licking, stroking, massaging, scratching, and squeezing a person's genitals.

> he bruised my upper theigh from squeezing too rough so its a relief to avoid that happening again, I always fear this when we cuddled

Yup, just one more indication of this kid's display for being a controlling bully. (Be glad he was not squeezing a breast!) Why did he do this? I don't know, perhaps to assert dominance; perhaps to see what sort of reaction he would get. Regardless, if something ever occurs in the future that you are uncomfortable with, you should say [COLOR="red">STOP[/COLOR]! That's enough! &/or remove his hand.

Thank goodness all boys are not like this jerk. Knowing this, do not let this one guy's behavior and attitude impede your willingness to date lots of other fellas. Learn from the experience and move on.

-doc

Excellent! So glad you dropped him!

BTW - there is no such thing as a cocktease. That's just what certain idiot males say when they don't get what they want, when and how they want it.

Please make sure that the first bruise, the first slap, the first hit, the first insult - is the LAST time you see/speak to him. NO ONE has the right to resort to violence - even verbal/emotional violence when upset.

Molly, you seem to have things under control for the time being but you are expressing many natural feelings that lead me to believe that you should think about protection. With the feeling and desires and ease of arousal you indicate, risky behaviour is a short step away. I do not advocate any specific sex act but you enjoy bringing men off and express excitement on your own part. The time is getting close to be very careful.

I recommend that you acquire a few condoms and a few vaginal suppositories so you do not join the ranks of those young women who have a risky first experience. Having protection available makes it no more likely that you will have sex but it does make it easier to protect yourself and will assure that you are saying "yes" or "no" for the right reasons.

Both condoms and suppositories are available at any pharmacy or most discount stores (or, even, grocers).

> I think I got a problem, you said on dates 'keep him away from your breasts and crotch'.

Correction: Perhaps I misspoke, my intent was not to advise that you "keep him away from your breasts and crotch", rather, to build intimacy over the course of several months progressing from Necking to Petting to Heavy Petting to Foreplay and then mixing up what the two of you do, eg., caressing above the neck then the torso, then as more of the torso is involved returning to Necking, then back to the torso and on an on. So, rather than A, B, C, D, you are doing A + B + C + A&B + C, B + C + D, etc.

Making out should be progressive while continuing to include the previous levels of intimacy.

[quote=]Spend a couple months or more getting to know and trust each other. It is OK to kiss and to cuddle, yet in the beginning keep it at this level of intimacy. Later, as explained in one of the articles, you can let his hands roam over your clothing, keeping his fingers at and above the shoulders at first {Necking). Later, let him explore your body with his hand, but keeping him away from breasts and crotch {Petting). Heavy Petting is letting him fondle your breasts while remaining dressed. The same for your genitals.[/quote]

It is when transitioning from Heavy Petting {clothes on) to Foreplay {clothes off) that he can actually touch skin in your erogenous zones.

The point of all these stages is to build trust, familiarity, intimacy, and, anticipation, and not give the impression to a guy that you are "easy" and ready to go all the way at the first kiss! He must respect you and your boundaries. Please read the article on boundaries and implied consent.

> Problem is when boys kiss me i get tingly nipples and want to be touched there and then when he touches my nipples it makes me wet and want legs rubs near my middle. Kissing starts me. So it might be tricky on dates.

What is tricky for any girl is in establishing boundaries and self control for how far to go at any particular stage of your relationship and then sticking to your commitment until deciding to move the boundary to include more intimate kissing, caressing, and, fondling, as the future unfolds.

If you make out with a guy as described, you will determine when it is time for him to touch your breasts and nipples, first from outside thru your clothing, then up under your top and thru your bra, and then sometime later by his fingers slipping inside your bra, and later yet, removing said bra and your top in succession. You can delay having tingly sensations until you are ready for the experience. If the wetness is a problem, consider wearing a pad.

You can let your b/f fondle your breasts and finger nipples to a point. If this becomes too intense, you could shudder a little, smile, telling him that this is too much for right now as you remove his hand and place it somewhere else.

Kissing=tingle+wetness: Deal with it if you want to kiss. Understand what a typical guy has to contend with: He will have a dozen or more spontaneous erections throughout each day! Imagine walking around with a hard on, bulging pants, sensitive spots on the shaft rubbing against clothing from just normal motion, BEING INUNDATED WITH CONSTANT THOUGHTS OF SEX, putting up with the sensations of a straining penis, precum, then fighting the urge to put his hand in a pocket and fondling his penis and being pretty much powerless to neutralize all of this unless and until he can go to a restroom and masturbate! If you think this is b/sad, think about how often all this is exacerbated by looking at a mannequin in a store window or on the floor, a pretty girl walking past us on the street or mall, provocative TV and print ads, smells, sights and sounds, any of which will get us turned on when we do not necessarily welcome it. As I look at this, you have it easy....

> Thanks for so much advice doc, wish we could be bf/gf *HUG*

Hug received, appreciated, and returned.

..... and have protection available and the knowledge to use it. Any time that you both have your pants off, he should have a condom on. Any closer and you should also have vaginal spermicide in place.

The younger you are, the more apt you are to have an unwanted pregnancy. This a matter of physiology, raging hormones, and errors in judgement. If you do not want to become an unwed mother and to have the future course of you life changed, use a highly reliable form of birth control. If your boyfriend is not prepared for the responsibilities of being an unwed father, he must wear a condom. As a third line of protection, if you as a couple are not ready to become parents, use a spermicide, also.

Do not rely upon your partner for your protection. Look out for and protect A#1--you. If your boyfriend is not ready to father and raise a child then he must look out for and protect A#1--him. If you as a couple want every bit of protection possible, use a spermicide in addition. At the very minimum, use a condom and spermicide in combination--always, else what's the point?

A girl should always be prepared to hear reasons for not using a condom:

HIM: (YOU):

* it is a bother
(Have one handy)

* it disrupts the proceedings to roll one on
(Eliminate the disruption by rolling it on yourself while continuing to fondle his penis)

* it reduces the sensations "I need" to climax
(Add a dab of lubricant to the head/glans of the penis and to the inside tip only before applying the condom.)

* I don't need one if you're on the pill (other)
(Mistakes happen. Don't chance it. Double up every time.)

Bottom Line: No condom=no intercourse. If you want to play adult games, you must be adult in your responsibility for how you play. There are articles to read concerning birth control, and, becoming prepared for having sex. Please read each.

-doc

you suggest this all the time, but i'm yet to meet any man that actually wants to progress to sex in stages, rather than just pestering me/demanding it straight away.

> you suggest this all the time, but i'm yet to meet any man that actually wants to progress to sex in stages, rather than just pestering me/demanding it straight away.

Why do you think I suggest this all the time?
A.) Because in the olden days prior to the 1970s, this is the way teens and young people went about making out.

B.) Intercourse was generally and mostly taboo.

C.) Perhaps by mentioning the how-to's of making out girls will begin to understand the benefits to them and boys will begin to understand the benefits to them for taking lots of time to progressively arouse each other in progressive stages, rather than "jumping her bones" and getting right to intercourse.

This site's charter is to help make life and love much easier than it was for those of us who have traveled this way before. There is "method to my 'madness'", that is discussed in several articles listed in the Index that pertain to dating and making love.

I'm am hoping some guys wanting to become better lovers will take notice and do some reading. I am hoping some gals wanting to understand what makes them tick will notice, do some reading, and understand what is involved in making their love life and their relationships vastly better.

Perhaps if you tell your man what you want and need from him he will have the care and concern to fulfill your wish and improve your collective sex life. Some areas of our lives and relationships are important enough to change and correct in order to improve that they bear repeating until people get it.

If you do not want to be pestered and have demands made of you, begin changing the man in your life. Hopefully you will be with one who would rather switch than fight!

-doc

Glad you have acted and seen what a d**khead your bf was Molly.Yelling at 12 year old boys for talking to you Sheesh what an idiot.You deserve much better than that and yes please listen to Brandye and EEk's advice.They are both very well known and respected members of the forum.

Well I still have a bf but I don't know for how much longer,as I went and had sex with one of my trans gender friends the other night.She is technically a he still,but wants to fully become a woman soon,by having a sex change operation.So I do think of him as a she more than a he.He has always felt more comfortable in women's clothing and being with another woman sexually in the guise of a female.It was our 3rd date and things had been building to this point for some time.The first date she came to see me and we had a few drinks,talked for hours and lost track of time.The second date we went out for dinner for my birthday and went back to her place for a nightcap.The sexual tension was electric and although nothing happened then, we knew it would happen sooner or later.So it finally happened on our 3rd date and was wonderful.And yes we used protection and if my bf found out that she still has a penis that would be it for him and I.I did tell him about her but he thinks such people are weird and advised me not to see her any more.Well I didn't take his advice did I because we are not married and I am free to do what I wish until such time as he puts a ring on my finger.I am not judgemental and believe that if a persons behaviour or lifestyle is not harmful to any one else that it's their business and no one else's.My transexual friend is a lovely person and the experience I shared with her was one I will always remember.I had not had a night of sex and romance like that for over 20 years and it left me revitalised and very grateful that she chose me to share her bed with.

So Molly keep dating and learning by the experiences you have,and the people you meet.Some will be good and some not so enjoyable,but above all stay safe and have fun.

OK, Molly, you are handling one thing right and then risking another. You seem to be lunging from one risky relationship to another. Slow down, have some time for yourself, let life happen, do not become a drama queen. A former teacher? He has one thing in mind and it is not protecting your virginity.

You may be of legal age in Oz; but dating a teacher or a boss at work does not make it right.

> I finished school in 2011 so its ok to kiss him now though I thought.

The way I read your original statement about him not being your teacher was just that, that you were not in any of his classes.

Well, there is still the matter of age. This is just a bad idea to follow thru on in my never to be so humble opinion. (Think hormones and think squelching them.)

Molly,

I do not know whether you are stringing us along or are very naive. If the latter go back to my recommendations on self-protection. If not, get your laugh and forget it.

Conservatives have as much sexual need as anyone else. Else, we would be rid of them.

[QUOTE=Brandye;276978]Conservatives have as much sexual need as anyone else. Else, we would be rid of them.[/QUOTE]
And yet another great quote has been posted. Brandye, you make me smile! :)