Me and my wife have been together for 16 years and have been married for 6 years. When we first met sex was great and my wife really enjoyed sex , things have gone worse over the last few years my wife has no interest in sex and there seems to be no chemistry between us , there is for me ive got a very high sex drive but my wife seems to have none and its always me who has to ask or make the first move and it seems like im pressuring her to do it at times but she says that she loves me and nothing has changed she says her problem is low sex drive , at one point I went without sex for about 13 months however she did have a vaginal cyst and was pregnant at the time so I let it go and just carried on but id like to get things fixed
Thu, 05/05/2011 - 04:22
#1
Wife has lost interest in sex
Please review the similar threads for the suggested remedies.
More often than not, there can be one of three reasons why a person has no interest in sex: 1) that person has a hormonal imbalance (2) there is no longer any romantic interest in the other person (3) it has been said that when a relationship is working well sex is 10% of the reason; and, when the relationship is in trouble, sex is 90% of the cause.
> my wife has no interest in sex and there seems to be no chemistry between us , there is for me ive got a very high sex drive but my wife seems to have none
Your statement is contradictory.
Is your wife on the pill? If so, this is very likely the reason. If so, she should talk to her doctor and look at other pill formulations or other contraceptive methods. It may be that she should get a complete workup and have her labs checked.
I understand that you have a high sex drive that is going unsatisfied most of the time and even when you are able to enlist her participation, the results are probably less than completely satisfying. That you have a high sex drive or even a normal amount, this is not the same as "chemistry" and this is why I said your statement, above, is contradictory. "Chemistry" refers to the mutual emotional connection between two people; "sparks" or pheromones pertains to the physiological.
> When we first met sex was great and my wife really enjoyed sex...but she says that she loves me and nothing has changed
Wrong. Something has changed. Your job as a couple must be to find out what and why. It is not normal to go from one extreme to the other without a reason or cause. Is she that naive, or, is there some trouble that she is not sharing?
Is she a stay-at-home mother, or does she work, also? Are you helpful around the house and do chores? I was raised in an era when the mindset was that men took care of the outside of the house and women took care of the inside. That we lived in an apartment complex at the time where I had no responsibilities outside meant that I was getting off lucky. It never occurred to me that the inside of the house was a joint responsibility and that I c/should do the laundry, dust, vacuum, straighten up, cook, shop, etc., et cetera, etc., until the roof caved in on my one day when I was sitting in my chair watching TV while my wife had fixed dinner, and later was vacuuming after having worked all day. That was an eye-opener! or as they say nowadays: "an ah-ha moment" that my mother never considered and as a result never passed along to her son.
If your wife is not using a hormonal contraceptive, then ask her to have her hormone levels evaluated so you have a base line from which to work. It may be that she "loves" you, however, this is much different than being "in love". For this, one or both of you need to seek guidance from a counselor.