There are as many reasons for women not being married as there are women who are not married. Some include insecurities of men; some, of women. I had one try for it in my early thirties, death intervened, and I have not had my bell rung by another before or since.

Perhaps one could say it is not high on my things to do list irrespective of various advice from many family members, friends, strangers, men, women and casual acquaintances. Lord knows lack of sexual satisfaction is not a factor.

I say that I had thought the times in which women were "looking to get married" were over, cause there's more to life... And I agree on not recommending this article, EEK, unless it's for housebreaking the dogs ;) I laughed at the phrases: "You started to hate the bride -- she was so effing happy --" and "Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore --but they're not trying to get married. You are". I mean: really? So the author thinks all the girls are trying to get married and the best motivation they have is jealousy? And like a good Smallville black-and-white housewife or pills-popping Stepford wife we will smile and bake cookies (or her proposed macaroni and cheese) to make our man happy? Give me a break please!

Though I sincerely am happy for anyone who finds their luck and happiness in marriage (I truly am, no pun intended!), I've stated at this forum many times my personal problems with it. Both in general history and my familyhistory the holy matrimony is a contract of enslavement. Somehow that makes it impossible for me to view this as happy and romantic and something I'd want, I can view it somewhat neutral as in a practical contract (with some effort I've managed to regard it as so).

Funny story: at some point in my relationship with my bf we talked about a future with kids. My bf asked me whether I wanted to get married before that (or even: should, because of family tradition). A cold silence followed and I looked him straight in the eyes and said he would never make me wear a slaves ring. (sorry, I have my moments of complete revolting...) He laughed and said he'd never even dare to! I nuanced my prior statement a bit; off course I would want some things to be clearly stated officially for the children and financial purposes. But that's official business just like filling out my tax-forms. The contract that I'll consider most beneficial at the time will do (fe: civil partnership). If this will happen to be marriage, I'll probably have it taken care of on a first Monday of the month (at which marriage is free ;))

I've tried it (marriage)and it's left a sour taste in my mouth.I'm on my way to becoming a free agent ,via divorce.I was of the opinion that marriage was important for a stable relationship,and for giving children a good start in life.Two loving committed parents,who vowed to cherish each other for life.Yes EEK,Brandye and RedRoses,that woman has rocks in her head .Next time i'm in a committed relationship,i don't need a piece of paper or a gold band to prove my love for my partner or his/ hers for me.Plus not having a ball and chain around your neck makes it easier to up and leave should the relationship disintegrate.

[url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/8331027/Couples-who-marry-young-a... who marry young are most likely to divorce - Telegraph
This points out a few reasons not to get married;

Failure rates?: 1 in 3 fails before 15 years have passed. Rates are twice as high with those in twenties who marry. The upside; the majority apparently survives :) But it doesn't say how those people feel about it.... Guess that's what you get from cold statistics...

Unrealistic promises? The promise of "till death do us part" does seem unrealistic, given how people grow and change over time. Perhaps there are fewer people that still take that promise literally nowadays. Let's call it: till this relationship dies. Would explain why it's apparently not as earth quacking to divorce for younger people than it is to previous generations...

Unnecessary for children? Marriage for the sake of the children apparently too lost it's popularity. The article says in this article that in the UK "almost half of children are now born to unmarried parents". That's my experience in Holland too.

False sense of security? In an episode I just watched today on tv the insecurity and chains as reasons for marriage became clear. As this poor teenmom cried to her fiancee; "No, I don't want to wait, I want marriage now! Because I don't want you to leave me alone ever again!" Heartbreaking to see the poor thing struggle... And even more so that the guy really promised he'd marry her, but not yet... Yep, that's a false sense of security... Do they really think a ring and a signature will change that?

Personally I've always felt torn between reason and emotion in this. Though I don't believe in marriage, from a more emotional point of view I do strongly believe in the lasting love (like marriage to many people implies). From a more reasonable point of view; it's illogical, absurd, should be banned to the land of fairytales. Guess that's why I still secretly love watching Disneymovies :rolleyes:

EEK, yes, it was a hyperbole (aka: funny story :)) Way too dramatic, I laughed about it later. However; it does show how deeply my emotions run on such matters... He's actually honored that I do show my emotions so purely around him; it's a sign of trust (in a unromantic way, that's for sure :rolleyes:).

Yes i agree EEK,the only reason i married was because i became pregnant,and my fiance whom i had only recently became engaged to promised to support me and our children (twins)I felt it was very noble of him,and plus it meant i wasn't going to be left on the shelf at 26yrs of age.We hardly knew each other,it was a whirlwind romance,and i did have romantic,silly notions of married life.Well he turned out to be a dud .My parents married at age 19 and 18 and they have been married for 45 years and still going strong.They have had their ups and downs,but got through them.According to the star sign compatability my parents are a perfect match,an Aries and a Libra,and it seems to have worked out just fine for them.Where's my perfect match lol.Yes if i met the right person who would treat me right,i may marry again.Who knows!!

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265385]Tsk! The number one reason for failure is (Drumroll please) Unrealistic Expectations! If you believe in romance novels and fairy tales - too bad - chances are against you making your marriage work. If you think your love will change him/her into the spouse of your dreams - nope! Not going to happen![/QUOTE]
I meant unrealistic expectations with the teen-mom-example... Your terminology is better and more powerfull, EEK, I agree.

Believing in lasting love is not the same as believing in fairytales ;) Those just let you be that kid I'm sure every grown-up still caries within (as Disney once stated: "I do not make films primarily for children. I make them for the child in all of us.")

Maybe I am naive to believe in lasting love... Love is such a strong and beautiful feeling, so fundamental to our being. Once such a deep bond is formed, I just can't believe that those feelings ever really die. Transform possibly (since there are many ways to love). Unless there is some kind of heavy and terrible trauma; the love lasts in a family. I don't see how love grown from romance instead of birth-line should be any different. It sure doesn't feel much different to me... I'd just as easily jump in front of a car to safe him, as I would for my mother or sisters. In some cases love between very close friends can be just as powerful (as if they were siblings). One way to put it could be that by loving someone deeply (s)he becomes family. And therefor love lasts.

I can think of a good many reasons not to get married, but the best one of all is that marriage is not, as most think it is, a contract between to people in love or in some kind of trouble. What it actually is? A contract between the two parties and the State.

If I ever want to get married again, I will bypass the State altogether, hire a preacher and have him marry us. I won't be begging permission from the State to go out and live my life the way I want to.

In other news, marriage is a lot of hard work between two people. It is not the stuff of fairy tales and motion pictures. Most people do not realize any of this however and will continue to screw up their lives with this nonsense.

Not getting married and not having children is definitely a boon for women. It is proven that women who do not marry and do not have children live longer, happier, healthier lives than women who do.

It is also proven that men and women who get together at an early age in life, as in their high school years, for example, who have children and who have a belief in God and practice their faith together -- almost always stay together their entire lives and are happier and healthier than those who do not.

Depends on the preacher. I know preachers who will do the deed without a license and be very glad about it. Several of my friends are married in this manner. They wanted their contract to be between themselves and their God, not themselves and Uncle Sam -- and that is how they have it.

Good for them! More power to 'em! I am so happy for them!

Marriage, in the sense most know it and understand it, is just plain dumb.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265419]Oh that's just great! So no hospital visitation/decision-making rights, no joint tax returns, no parental rights in case of divorce (which can happen even to these religious persons), no gift splitting, no FLP or FLC, no trusts, no pension rights, no insurance rights, and no automatic inheritance rights - good idea! Brilliant thinking there, buddy!

Sure there are loopholes but seriously - the 'system' developed to protect the family and keep family members from becoming 'wards of the state' in case of disaster.[/QUOTE]

Like I said. It's a contract between two people and the State. Nothing more.

Thank you, for helping me with even more factoids to clarify and emphasize what I have already said. You have done more to help me make my case than I had time for. Thank you.

I am confused about one thing however... what religious persons are you talking about?

You'd make a most excellent New Ager and Socialist. Have you thought about joining the movement? I have a free copy of Madame Blavatsky's "The Secret Doctrine" all ready for you.

Oops -- just looked into my grab bag and they're all gone -- sorry about that.

Nix, nix. Bringing in a preacher does not imply religion. Religion is man-made, made-up gibberish. I don't do religion of any kind. Bringing in the preacher, for me anyway, implies faith in God, not faith in some man's made-up junk.

But you can hire a preacher who is sympathetic to your particular religion and marry in that spirit, if you like. Your choice. I don't know however where you might find an Epicurean minister to marry you. I'm willing to bet that you don't either. I could be wrong, but as of this writing I have never heard of such a thing.

Good luck. :)

For me marriage is just big illusion. I mean it is all cool and nice, and would like to have family but... can we really be faithful to one person only. It is like candy to me, i like this candy but out there may be some sweetest candy, and i just have to try it.
This is just my opinion, don't get me wrong!

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265470]Excuse me but even believing in God, any god, equals religion.
Humans cannot help it - they are born with some sense of sanctity built in by which is meant 'the need to believe in something greater than themselves'. Most, but not all, people fulfill this need with religion. Some people fulfill this need with philosophy which is a whole other thing.

Of course you never heard of Epicurus and Epicureanism.
I did say you could look it up.

Thanks, but I've been married to the best man on earth for more than 30 years.[/QUOTE]

I have a degree in philosophy. I am very well versed on who was Epicurius. Not that I care about Epicurius and feel any need or desire to study him further; I surely don't.

Belief in God is -- belief in God -- belief in a higher power.

Religion is -- man-made gibberish. Specifically, usually, man-made gibberish based on a belief in God. The idiots imagine that they know what God wants them to do and to think -- and they build their world around it -- and, more often than not, attempt to both persuade and force others to build their worlds around their nonsense, too. That's their reality. Not mine.

I believe in God. I practice no religion. For me, one has absolutely nothing to do with the other. For others, perhaps, it does. For me, it never did, does not now, nor will it ever.

THE END

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265618]Preachers, of necessity, must 'preach', hence the name and what they 'preach' is "the word of God" which - is the man-made stuff called religion. Since you do not believe in 'religion', there's no need for any preaching then you have no need for a preacher to marry you - just go "Common Law" and you should have known that there aren't any Epicurean 'preachers' - the very idea is absurd.

Dariob - yes you can but there is something known as an open marriage for those couples who'd rather not be monogamous.[/QUOTE]

"The word of God" is, the word of God. As in, words that came out of the mouth of God.

Religion is, religion. As in, words that were made up by and spewed out of the mouth of some man.

God doesn't do religion. He doesn't need it.

Yes, common law is another way to be married to someone. But again, that is another agreement between the two parties and the State -- not an agreement between the two parties.

Yes, there are Epicurean preachers. There is one on this board right now preaching about Epicureanism and going on and on about it. Her name is, EvilEvilKitten.

EvilEvilKitten -- The Epicurean Minister. Lol.

I don't know, but everybody I know approaching or in their 40s that isn't married seems to be REALLY depressed about it, no matter how cool single rebel they were before.

I don't think I want to leave it past 30.

Does God have a mouth??? :rolleyes:

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265654]The words that came out of the mouth of God - now, what would that be except as reported in The Bible? But that was written, and which books were included were also decided, by MAN. So, you really have no idea what God actually said. All you have is hearsay. QED.

No, I am not a "preacher" for I haven't told you anything about Epicureanism other than the philosophy exists.[/QUOTE]

Correct. The Bible is, the alleged word of God. Whether the words of the Bible came out of the mouth of God or not is speculation. I would venture to guess that is not in fact the case. But I wasn't there when they wrote the Bible, so I can't say what went on. The alleged names of the men who wrote the Bible are located at the beginning of each chapter.

When God pops his head out from behind the clouds and spews words out of his mouth -- then and only then would I take that as the word of God.

Correct. We have no idea what God actually said. Well, I don't anyway. I can't speak for everyone.

God is a cartoon character and all of his authors write their own script.

[QUOTE=RedRoses;265655]Does God have a mouth??? :rolleyes:[/QUOTE]
I don't know.

[QUOTE=KatKilledCuriousity;265641]I don't know, but everybody I know approaching or in their 40s that isn't married seems to be REALLY depressed about it, no matter how cool single rebel they were before.

I don't think I want to leave it past 30.[/QUOTE]

I hear you. I am forty six now and I can't believe I am still alive after all this.

I used to think like you. I didn't even want to live to be thirty! And, to be quite honest, it is a wonder I did.

Live. Live as long and as healthy as you can and enjoy every minute of it. It only gets better.

Reference: "Why the Reckless Survive: And Other Secrets of Human Nature" by Melvin Konner