Ok, a quick introduction. I was google searching for sex advice looking for a solution to the below listed problem when I stumbled upon this site. My girlfriend and I are both 18. Neither of us have any physical or mental conditions and we have been having sex for about three months. The only problem is I cant reach an orgasm when I'm with her. I can reach an orgasm through masturbation when she isnt around, though I havent done so for about two weeks because we have been having sex once or more daily. Before we started having intercourse, I would generally masturbate once daily.
Whatever the problem is, it is not her fault. She is far more experienced at sex than I am and she really knows how to make me feel good. She takes deep concern in how good sex is for me. I'm fairly sure that the problem is not the size of her vagina or the size of my penis either. She tells me that its the third largest shes seen out of about ten guys, and shes so tight that it hurts her to insert two fingers.
At any rate, since we started having sex I've been faking my orgasms. I've told her that I dont cum very much and so far she hasnt really caught on that I've been faking. Now before you start posting about how I shouldnt fake and all of that honesty stuff, you have to be aware that it would crush her if she knew I wasnt reaching a climax with her. She does and excellent job of pleasing me over all and she knows it. However, shes also very sensative about her preformance. Once, when I had had too much to drink, I couldnt acheive an erection and she cried for two hours because she thought it was her fault and that I wasnt attracted to her. It took me forever to convince her it was because I had drank too much alcohol, so please (with all respect) spare me the honesty rant.
As for her, I always make sure that she is pleased during sex. Because I never reach a climax with her, I am able to continue for hours at a time, ussually giving her six or more orgasms through intercourse combined with clitoral stimulation. This causes her to loosen up a bit but she remains tighter than most of my ex-girlfriends have been even before sex.
I'm fairly sure the problem doesnt lie in the psychological realm either. I am extreemly comfortable with my girlfriend and I'm never nervous or stressed during sex. So does anyone know what mght be wrong with me? I've tried everything from abstaining from any sexual contact for a week then going at it again, to adding flare to our life in the bedroom by using toys and tying each other up and using blindfolds ext... The same result occurs every time, she can reach an orgasm and I can not. What's wrong with me?
have u thought about seeing a doctor?
First, think about how you come when you are masturbating, ussually the orgasm comes as the relax of some muscles, before of that they are very tense, if you can tense those same muscles during intercourse that may help.
second, concentrate on what you are doing to her, look at the penetration, try to over excite you
third, stop masturbating for a while so you can increase the anticipation and orgasm easier.
Hope that helps, greetings.
when you're doing it is finishing the job always on your mind?? my bf had the same problem for almost a year when we started going out. he could never finish because he always used to focus so much on pleasing me that he wasnt letting himself enjoy it. Finally i convinced him that he didnt need to focus so much on me and should allow himself to do so also and finally it worked and he's always managed ever since...unless he needs to pee or sthing in which case you wont be able too hehe...so make sure u always pee before hand!
anyway...my point is maybe you need to relax and just forget about it and it might happen
Thanks for everyone's replies. I really appriciate the help.
As for seeing a doctor, college students are generally broke. This isnt really an option for me. In resposne to the other two posts, you kinda hit the nail on the head when you asked if I was thinking about it the entire time I was having sex. I'll try my best to forget about it next time we go at it. Thanks once again for your time.
I understand the college thing, but what about the Health Services on your campus. Might not be the best doctors, but they're cheap where I go, only $5! And it gets tacked on to your bill, so you might not even have to pay for it if your parents cover it. :)
You mentioned that you were not uncomfortable with your girlfriend's performance... are you uncomfortable with yours?
Men are so focused upon finding a woman, getting her into bed, pleasing her in bed, and then trying to get her back and keep her - that they do not have a lot of time or energy to devote to theselves.
Next time: Ask her to find your 'hot buttons'. Ask her for a massage should do it. Tell her if that feels good etc, Have her try a bit of body worship. Do you like the back of your knees licked? Hmm? How do you know? The mutual exploration of your bodies should help 'cure' you of your problem.
my boyfriend climaxes but it takes forever. I usually climax 20minutes before him. I am not concerned about myself because it usually hurts me by then and he is always saying how tight i am and that seems to turn him on. This may sound weird but i think that it might have to do with the fact that I dont have huge boobs. I think that is what turns him on. It seems like he has to be looking or touching mine before he climaxes. He has made several comments about girls with big boobs. I have always been pretty secure with myself. I am proportionate. Im only 118 lbs. Should I be worried about this? Do you think he is thinking about something other than me when he is having sex with me? Or is that normal? Lauraladybug77
[QUOTE=lauraladybug77;168699]my boyfriend climaxes but it takes forever. I usually climax 20minutes before him. I am not concerned about myself because it usually hurts me by then and he is always saying how tight i am and that seems to turn him on. This may sound weird but i think that it might have to do with the fact that I dont have huge boobs. I think that is what turns him on. It seems like he has to be looking or touching mine before he climaxes. He has made several comments about girls with big boobs. I have always been pretty secure with myself. I am proportionate. Im only 118 lbs. Should I be worried about this? Do you think he is thinking about something other than me when he is having sex with me? Or is that normal? Lauraladybug77[/QUOTE]
I was sort of thinking along these lines too. For the original poster, try to focus on something that really turns you on about your GF. Just focus on that and as others have sugested, not worrying about climaxing. I think if you do that, it will happen. After all you say you climax when you masterbate so contrary to what some have sugested, I doubt a doctor could help. If there was a medical condition involved, you wouldn't cum at all.
Ladybug, who knows what he is thinking. I admit that I have caught myself fantisizeing on occasion. I think it's normal and you probably shouldn't be concerned. And for what it's worth, I prefer petite women with smallish breasts. I may comment on a really large set but it's not because I want them.