I don't understany WHY I am embarrassed to TRY new things with my hubby, like I fear he will laugh at me but NEVER has. We just recently tried anal sex and I LOVE it! I am 130 but flabby, lol. So i get really self conscience when I am on top and feel like I am just jiggling all over, BUT I have been married for 6 yrs (we separated twice) and i am still nervous to just let go!! I know during our last split he was with a chick that was skinny (he said I weighed less, yes I brought it up, lol) he made a comment that she was FIT, so I have felt weird since. I shouldn't he is MY husband. I shouldn't be embarrassed to EXPERIEMENT with him. I noticed alot he closes his eyes when we have sex (but Its been all the time) I brought it up and he said he never realized he did that, lol! I am just SO self science, about sex. I just gained 5 lbs, I was down to 124 when we FIRST got back togehter and altho I was flabby he was SO into me, I can't say he isn't into me now and he hasnt mentioned my weight gain but I know he knows.
Do u think he NOTICES that when I am on top I feel like my flabby butt is all over the place, lol!! I don't know! He is SO hot and I love being with him but I wonder about this! He tells me not to worry about it but sometimes I look at mysef in the mirror and I am like eek!!! And I kinda lose the mood. I am going to start going to the gym to TRY to tighten up my skin, I never worked out before so its ALWAYS been flabby, I am not fat just flabby if that makes sense and it REALLY botheres me, so I think it must bother him.
I would LOVE to tie him up (like a post I just read) and have MY way with him but I am afraid to do that, like he will laugh but he isn't like that AT all, I just fear it I guess. Do u think he would LIKE if I tied him up and had MY way with him. We are married I should NOT be at all self scince about MY body, he married me for ME, but yet I am since our split, its just in the back of my mind, obviously he LOVES me and came back to me. Our sex life was SOOOOO boring before, I want to ADD spice and make it exciting. Anal has TOTALLY brought alot of spince into our lives and we BOTH like it alot!!! Any adivce would be nice!!
Anytime! We're here to help.
I believe if you read your post that you have answered your own questions.
When it comes to strapping a person to a straight back captains chair or a bed, I believe it is wise to discuss the matter first at a time when the two of you are not about be become romantic. One of the first things to discuss is the choice of a "safe word". This is a word that does not come up in normal conversation and when spoken means all activities immediately [COLOR="Red">STOP[/COLOR]! no questions asked.
Bindings do not have to be tight, he should be able to get out of his bonds if he really wants/needs to. Keep in mind that making love is a partnership and as such a cooperative endeavor. Once you have the ground rules decided upon then do not do this right a way. Give it several days so he wonders, ponders, or thinks you may have forgotten or decided not to---then take charge and have your way with him.
The issue isn't your "flab" - it is what's in your head.
He has scampered away from you twice now and you FEAR he will do it again if you do not...whatever... pick one... there are so many reasons/issues/doubts.
All of them are NONSENSE.
Your desperation to "please him" will only exasperate him and eventually bring about the leaving you that you fear so much as he gets tired of your constant pleas for reassurance which you haven't and still aren't listening to.
Constant begging for emotional validation is BORING and induces DISGUST first of you and then of himself as he knows he should not be disgusted by you but is.
Do you understand?
Now then - having gotten your attention - remember: it is the PERSON NOT the PACKAGING that MATTERS. Do you hear me?
THE PERSON NOT THE PACKAGING.
You need to work on WHO you are not what you are or think you are. Confidence is sexy. A personality that is FUN, JOYOUS, ENTHUSIASTIC is what gets and keeps men.
Forget being fearful and start being ALIVE with joy! Breathe deep and dare the devil to do his worst - you shall overcome!
If you want to do something - do it! If you like something - do it! If you want to try something - do it! If it doesn't work out, nevermind, you'll do better next time. No harm, no foul.
Do you see?
Ok I understand what YOU are saying YES, but my husband has NO idea this is even a concern of mine. We mentioned the girl he was SEEING when we were separated and he told me she was fit (when I was asking him about her) so I assume that when she was "riding" him she didn't get her flad flapping all over like with me it would because well I am not fit. I have not worked at a gym to trim my body or to work on it! I wonder IF he thinks about how "hot" she was as oppsed to me, again he has NO idea this is what I am thinking because I do NOT want him knowing that I am jealous that he has been wth others but I am expressing here that its a CONCERN I have.
I have lost weight, I actually look the hottest I have in years but i know this chick he was with WHEN WE WERE SEPARATED her BODY was hotter then mine (face no) and she had BIGGER boobs. Is it normal for me to be jelaous? MY husband Is HOT, he is a very good looking man and I suffered LOTS of depression and left cause of MY depression and thinking I was freeing him OF my problems only realizing that he loves me and WANTED me but yet now I am insecute, lol I dont know how to explain it but I AM insecure. I am honest here but dont' let HIM know because thats not exactly a good thing to admit to him, I play it off like all is ok.
Doesn't matter if he knows or not. This is your problem, not his. Esp. since you're not listening to him anyway.
The fact that he is with you and not her should have answered your problem. Doesn't matter if he's "hot" or not. By his actions, you will know him and he's with you not her. Forget her. Forget whatever happened while you were separated. Only what is between you two matters. Nothing else.
Stop being jealous. Stop being insecure. Abandon fear altogether.
We all have body image issues. Fix it or accept it but get over it. As long as you're healthy, your body is just fine. He wouldn't be there if he didn't think so too. If you think you're ugly now, what are you going to do when you're my age?
Let your fear go.
[QUOTE=Danzgrl4eva;229356]Ok I understand what YOU are saying YES, but my husband has NO idea this is even a concern of mine.
again he has NO idea this is what I am thinking because I do NOT want him knowing that I am jealous that he has been wth others but I am expressing here that its a CONCERN I have.
left cause of MY depression and thinking I was freeing him OF my problems only realizing that he loves me and WANTED me but yet now I am insecute, lol I dont know how to explain it but I AM insecure.
I am honest here but dont' let HIM know because thats not exactly a good thing to admit to him, I play it off like all is ok.[/QUOTE]
The pieces above are the biggest issues I see here.
Why in the world would it not be a good thing for him to know your concerns???? He's your husband of 6 years for God's sake, he should know more than we do about how you feel and what you fear. If you can't talk to him about all this, then whom?
COMMUNICATION, people!!!
Int - yes but then - he HAS shown her - but you see, she's NOT listening to him. Ordinarily, I'd agree but in this case. She's got work to do before she can talk to him.
I agree, thanks for your advice. I am going to WORK on my insecurity because that is what my problem is. Again thank you, I appreciate the advice.
I don't have much for advice. Just some sympathy. I used to struggle with this myself. I'm about 130-135 but not in shape and I used to be paranoid about what I looked like. I'm not sure how I got over it, Im 30 now so I'm sure that helped. I think I just started to focus on enjoying sex itself and then I didn't worry, at least not while we were going at it. I figure I wont ever be perfect and Im sick of struggling to be. Remember he is with you. He knows ever inch of you and he still chooses you.