> When I do give my girl friend oral sex it doesn't seem to do much for her.
On the one hand I appreciate the references to time that you have given as it provides a reference for what is happening; on the other hand, your concern with how long is like somebody doing something strictly by the numbers or by rote. {Do this or that this way for this long and "x" will happen.) Arousal, excitement, and anticipation are not accomplished "by the numbers" using some formula.**
> What I'm doing it putting my toungue in and out as well as licking all around. Mabe I need to do it longer.
Speaking of "formulas" here are some suggestions to try:
* Hold off on doing oral until she is very very aroused
* Let your tongue lick, flick, and massage, the tip of the clitoris
* Involve the Labia by using your lips and tongue using them to
caress and gently suck
* Instead to trying to insert your (all to short) tongue into her
vagina (that has no nerves) as far as possible, use your tongue
in and around the vaginal opening (that is rich in sensitive nerve
endings)
* Use your tongue to massage the shaft of the clitoris, also
* In addition to orienting your body with hers, try positioning
yourself at a right angle across her and then use your tongue
to stimulate both the tip and the shaft across the organ, not
along its length. (This is at the heart of the "Kivin Method"
described in an article in the Index)
> When she seems to be in it, she starts to pull her legs back and kinda move her hips
** Often times a little of this and a little of that are better than a lot of one thing before moving on to the next technique.
Her actions show enjoyment, getting into what you are doing, and perhaps wanting a little more of what you are doing. Again, body language is one form of providing feedback.
> After a few minutes she just wants me to put the penis in.
OK, so what is bothering you about her desire? Remember what I said: making love is not what we do to each other; rather, it is what we do with and for.... Do not try to second guess when she is ready for something to happen and when you think this ought to take place.
I've said time and again that communication is the cornerstone of a relationship and this includes the sexual aspect, also. Giving each other feedback on how we are responding to our partner's caress and for what we need now/next is also key. This is a substitute for our internal feedback that is missing when we let our partner do the stimulating.
> I want her to orgasm, she said she can't with oral.
This is a nice wish; however, you cannot command or demand something happen. Perhaps she can, perhaps not, perhaps not yet.
> I'm assuming no ones ever did it right to her even though she's has a lot of exp.
> What am I doing wrong? Oral usually last about 5 min.
Somewhere in all the articles some of us have written and listed in the Index is one on how to make out. Fooling around and making out is a progressive activity, just like "Necking", "Petting", "Heavy Petting", and "Foreplay" are. All too often these are not done effectively. All too often a couple and guys in particular will either rush from one thing to the next, discounting the importance of a person's LARGEST sexual organ--the skin. A slight hug, a peck here or a passionate kiss there, a quick groping of a breast and a tweak of a nipple and then its on to a hand job and/or oral.
Necking-
Kissing and caressing above the shoulders Petting-
Kissing and caressing everywhere but the erogenous zones (breasts and genitals) and with clothes on Heavy Petting-
Partially disrobing and in stages and continuing the above no involving the breasts and later the genitals Foreplay-
Hand stimulation, oral stimulation, and/or both
Five minutes of oral is probably too long and drawn out, although, having said this, only she can tell you what she needs as well as what is working and what is not.
A great make out session is lingering and also progressive. Being "progressive" means beginning with "A", moving onto "B", then "C", revisiting "A" and/or "B", adding "C", etc., et cetera, etc. If you want to prolong some activity, try giving it a break and continuing with it a few minutes later.
Building arousal, desire, excitement, and sexual tension take time, especially for women. If you are not devoting a minimum of half an hour (more within reason) building each of these, then you are not fully providing what women require. As mentioned elsewhere, men can be ready to go and enjoy a climax with a moments notice and with little if any preparation. Women require time and commitment in order to get all hot and randy. Do not rush the process, yet do not wear out a particular body part, either.
Your wish for answers is commendable. I wish more men would ask questions. A few of us have authored article that discuss all manner of questions and concerns people have. Your quest for knowledge should begin by reading those articles we worked so hard on just for "you" (editorially speaking).
Whether the two of you do it together or separately, I believe both of you should read each of the articles more than once and discuss what you have learned. Knowledge is empowering. Afterward, if you have questions please do not hesitate to ask.
Who knows? Given your multitude of questions over the last few days, it sound as though you are seeking vicarious experience.
Did it ever occur to you that she just does not like oral? Or has found that she simply does not respond well? She told you (according to you), believe her. Men are simply partners in this process and do not determine the woman's response. Although clumsy lovers can end it.
d-boy you haven't told us what you are or not doing so it is impossible to say exactly "what is wrong ," as you put it, with your oral skills. I suggest you search the Pleasing Her section of the forum and then do a general search for cunnilingus. There are many posts on the subject. Once you read what the standard techniques are and see some other people's variants on those techniques you will be able to begin analyzing what you might or might not be doing correctly.
Two things are important to remember: 1)not every woman responds the same way to a certain kind of stimulation, 2) there is nothing like effective, open communication between sex partners-it is perfectly alright, and even manly to ask her what is good for her, what doesn't work and to allow her to guide you.
Please read what is already on the forum and talk with your girlfriend. Then get back to us.
This block is not necessarily your doing or lack of expertise. If a woman is distracted or looses her focus or is not getting into the moment and letting go for whatever the reason, then her ability to be aroused to the trigger point of an orgasm and then beyond is out of your control.
Making love is a partnership and communication is key. Communication can be verbal or non-verbal, and is how we let our partner know how we are responding to their caresses and for what we need now/next. Making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other. Explore and learn together.
Let me emphasize what Doc has just said: We women do not come with operator's manuals. We do not respond to items from a checklist. What your sister may tell you is wonderful, may not even make the list of one of your cousins. This is a process and the focus should be on what is happening now; not on anxiousness to get in there or for her to respond the way you hope.
You are not unusual. Too many young men expect a woman to operate the way you, yourself, do. The sooner you break that mindset and focus on the process, the sooner you will be way ahead of your competition.
It takes some young women a long time to get over that final hurdle and that may have nothing to do with you or whatever you are doing. My first orgasm was a complete accident and totally unexpected. My first orgasm with a partner was a result of her reading what my response was and instinctively doing just the right thing. My first orgasm with a male was a result of his patience and guessing right.
[QUOTE=d-boy;236741]I've read a lot on here but seems like I get her arousal to a certain point and cantget that final touch onit[/QUOTE]
You might want to observe her clitoris. When a woman is highly aroused it can seem to retract. When this happens she might need less direct and less intense clitoral stimulation or just the opposite. Some women seem to be helped along to oral orgasm by some slight nipple stimulation during cunnilingus while others hate it. Note what Brandye said about the differences between women.
Sometimes you just have to experiment, but it helps to have the input and knowledge of those who have gone before.
I think I have been exceptionally lucky at having had partners who were exceptionally gifted at being able to reach orgasm. Still I have had to adapt my techniques to each one.
this is a bit of a cop out but it always works...
during oral put a strong mint in your mouth and allow ur minty saliva to get mainly on the clit... this will make it tingle in a good way
How should we know what's wrong with your oral skills? You're not between my thighs.
ASK HER!
> When I do give my girl friend oral sex it doesn't seem to do much for her.
On the one hand I appreciate the references to time that you have given as it provides a reference for what is happening; on the other hand, your concern with how long is like somebody doing something strictly by the numbers or by rote. {Do this or that this way for this long and "x" will happen.) Arousal, excitement, and anticipation are not accomplished "by the numbers" using some formula.**
> What I'm doing it putting my toungue in and out as well as licking all around. Mabe I need to do it longer.
Speaking of "formulas" here are some suggestions to try:
* Hold off on doing oral until she is very very aroused
* Let your tongue lick, flick, and massage, the tip of the clitoris
* Involve the Labia by using your lips and tongue using them to
caress and gently suck
* Instead to trying to insert your (all to short) tongue into her
vagina (that has no nerves) as far as possible, use your tongue
in and around the vaginal opening (that is rich in sensitive nerve
endings)
* Use your tongue to massage the shaft of the clitoris, also
* In addition to orienting your body with hers, try positioning
yourself at a right angle across her and then use your tongue
to stimulate both the tip and the shaft across the organ, not
along its length. (This is at the heart of the "Kivin Method"
described in an article in the Index)
> When she seems to be in it, she starts to pull her legs back and kinda move her hips
** Often times a little of this and a little of that are better than a lot of one thing before moving on to the next technique.
Her actions show enjoyment, getting into what you are doing, and perhaps wanting a little more of what you are doing. Again, body language is one form of providing feedback.
> After a few minutes she just wants me to put the penis in.
OK, so what is bothering you about her desire? Remember what I said: making love is not what we do to each other; rather, it is what we do with and for.... Do not try to second guess when she is ready for something to happen and when you think this ought to take place.
I've said time and again that communication is the cornerstone of a relationship and this includes the sexual aspect, also. Giving each other feedback on how we are responding to our partner's caress and for what we need now/next is also key. This is a substitute for our internal feedback that is missing when we let our partner do the stimulating.
> I want her to orgasm, she said she can't with oral.
This is a nice wish; however, you cannot command or demand something happen. Perhaps she can, perhaps not, perhaps not yet.
> I'm assuming no ones ever did it right to her even though she's has a lot of exp.
Please read this article also listed in the Index:
HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:
> What am I doing wrong? Oral usually last about 5 min.
Somewhere in all the articles some of us have written and listed in the Index is one on how to make out. Fooling around and making out is a progressive activity, just like "Necking", "Petting", "Heavy Petting", and "Foreplay" are. All too often these are not done effectively. All too often a couple and guys in particular will either rush from one thing to the next, discounting the importance of a person's LARGEST sexual organ--the skin. A slight hug, a peck here or a passionate kiss there, a quick groping of a breast and a tweak of a nipple and then its on to a hand job and/or oral.
Necking-
Kissing and caressing above the shoulders
Petting-
Kissing and caressing everywhere but the erogenous zones (breasts and genitals) and with clothes on
Heavy Petting-
Partially disrobing and in stages and continuing the above no involving the breasts and later the genitals
Foreplay-
Hand stimulation, oral stimulation, and/or both
Five minutes of oral is probably too long and drawn out, although, having said this, only she can tell you what she needs as well as what is working and what is not.
A great make out session is lingering and also progressive. Being "progressive" means beginning with "A", moving onto "B", then "C", revisiting "A" and/or "B", adding "C", etc., et cetera, etc. If you want to prolong some activity, try giving it a break and continuing with it a few minutes later.
Building arousal, desire, excitement, and sexual tension take time, especially for women. If you are not devoting a minimum of half an hour (more within reason) building each of these, then you are not fully providing what women require. As mentioned elsewhere, men can be ready to go and enjoy a climax with a moments notice and with little if any preparation. Women require time and commitment in order to get all hot and randy. Do not rush the process, yet do not wear out a particular body part, either.
Your wish for answers is commendable. I wish more men would ask questions. A few of us have authored article that discuss all manner of questions and concerns people have. Your quest for knowledge should begin by reading those articles we worked so hard on just for "you" (editorially speaking).
--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics
Whether the two of you do it together or separately, I believe both of you should read each of the articles more than once and discuss what you have learned. Knowledge is empowering. Afterward, if you have questions please do not hesitate to ask.
Who knows? Given your multitude of questions over the last few days, it sound as though you are seeking vicarious experience.
Did it ever occur to you that she just does not like oral? Or has found that she simply does not respond well? She told you (according to you), believe her. Men are simply partners in this process and do not determine the woman's response. Although clumsy lovers can end it.
d-boy you haven't told us what you are or not doing so it is impossible to say exactly "what is wrong ," as you put it, with your oral skills. I suggest you search the Pleasing Her section of the forum and then do a general search for cunnilingus. There are many posts on the subject. Once you read what the standard techniques are and see some other people's variants on those techniques you will be able to begin analyzing what you might or might not be doing correctly.
Two things are important to remember: 1)not every woman responds the same way to a certain kind of stimulation, 2) there is nothing like effective, open communication between sex partners-it is perfectly alright, and even manly to ask her what is good for her, what doesn't work and to allow her to guide you.
Please read what is already on the forum and talk with your girlfriend. Then get back to us.
... well, at least take the first two of dlb's suggestions.
What I'm doing
tighten your toung?
I've read a lot on here but seems like I get her arousal to a certain point and cantget that final touch onit
This block is not necessarily your doing or lack of expertise. If a woman is distracted or looses her focus or is not getting into the moment and letting go for whatever the reason, then her ability to be aroused to the trigger point of an orgasm and then beyond is out of your control.
Making love is a partnership and communication is key. Communication can be verbal or non-verbal, and is how we let our partner know how we are responding to their caresses and for what we need now/next. Making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other. Explore and learn together.
Let me emphasize what Doc has just said: We women do not come with operator's manuals. We do not respond to items from a checklist. What your sister may tell you is wonderful, may not even make the list of one of your cousins. This is a process and the focus should be on what is happening now; not on anxiousness to get in there or for her to respond the way you hope.
You are not unusual. Too many young men expect a woman to operate the way you, yourself, do. The sooner you break that mindset and focus on the process, the sooner you will be way ahead of your competition.
It takes some young women a long time to get over that final hurdle and that may have nothing to do with you or whatever you are doing. My first orgasm was a complete accident and totally unexpected. My first orgasm with a partner was a result of her reading what my response was and instinctively doing just the right thing. My first orgasm with a male was a result of his patience and guessing right.
ASK HER!!!
Jeez!
[QUOTE=d-boy;236741]I've read a lot on here but seems like I get her arousal to a certain point and cantget that final touch onit[/QUOTE]
You might want to observe her clitoris. When a woman is highly aroused it can seem to retract. When this happens she might need less direct and less intense clitoral stimulation or just the opposite. Some women seem to be helped along to oral orgasm by some slight nipple stimulation during cunnilingus while others hate it. Note what Brandye said about the differences between women.
Sometimes you just have to experiment, but it helps to have the input and knowledge of those who have gone before.
I think I have been exceptionally lucky at having had partners who were exceptionally gifted at being able to reach orgasm. Still I have had to adapt my techniques to each one.
I will just keep trying. It gets frustrating causeg to do with it
this is a bit of a cop out but it always works...
during oral put a strong mint in your mouth and allow ur minty saliva to get mainly on the clit... this will make it tingle in a good way