okay, i've been having sex with my g/f of 2 years for 1 year. i was her first, she was mine. i read all over the place that foreplay is essential to great sex and i tend to agree. i love it, whether i'm giving or recieving or both. i can tell she really likes me to suck on her boobs and have found what she likes best by talking to her and exploring. but she doesn't like it to last too long. thats not really a big deal but she also just told me she doesn't like me to go down on her! i thought a lot of girls liked that better than intercourse! i know i don't suck at it super bad because i've read everything there is and tried it all but i can't get a reaction from her. she just wants me to take off her clothes and get down to business. to most guys i guess that would be desirable but i want to please her beyond her imagination, from everything i've read, foreplay usually leads to greater orgasms during intercourse, but she told me last night that sex is not as good for her if i perform oral on her before. i don't know, i guess i just wish i could make her go crazy like girls describe how they do when guys go down on them and how much they hate when a guy skips foreplay alltogether. am i just doing something wrong? i swear i've tried everything in the book and nothing works.
Thu, 05/13/2004 - 15:39
#1
whats wrong with her?
[QUOTE=Quote (duckie @ May 13 2004,14:02)]I wouldn't sweat it. Ask her to maybe take control a little maybe have her on top during sex if you haven't already done so. Maybe try some different positions where the woman is in control of penetration. I'm sure she let you know when she's ready for oral sex and exploration. Talk with her and let her know that you really enjoy pleasing her and want to please her and that you understand that maybe now is not the right time for that and that when and if she's ready to receive you are definately willing. Just a personal question is SHE able to please herself through masturbation or does she just avoid that all together too? Just a thought. If she knew what pleases her then she could show and tell you. LittleFury is right everyone is different and what is good for one it may not be good for another.[/QUOTE]
yeah, she's on top quite often and she enjoys it. she orgasms during intercourse often, no problems there. i just was wondering why she didn't like oral. she doesn't masterbate. never has. it sucks! she says thats weird and i explain to her the importance of it and how its more normal than she realizes. i ask her what she likes and she doesn't know, then i try to find out on my own and she still can't tell. i wish she would explore on her own!
Just tossing it out there, but she may have underlying emotional issues due to something else that are now affecting her ability to relax & enjoy in bed. I am stunned and saddened at the number of women I now know who were abused in some way when they were younger and now have issues that affect their sex lives and how they feel about their husbands.
Obviously I could be waaaaay off here, but you never know unless you ask (or have a professional therapist ask).
I'd say you're getting some great advice... I'd just like to add a couple thoughts.
One, if she's happy then you want to accept that. It sounds like your heart is in the right place, but there's a fine line between wanting something for some one and making them feel that you're not happy or satisfied with them. I'd say if you can be a bit more accepting, you might find that a lot of the stress and tension goes away and who knows where that might lead!
Two, you are paranoid. LOL The stories you are reading aren't telling all. No couple hits 110% on every aspect of their relationship and sex is only one (sometimes highly over-rated) aspect. I'd say, see #1. It works when you both, as individuals and a couple, are satisfied - not always blissfully happy, but there's enough stuff there to want t be together.
Three, I once had an intense but brief relationship with a woman who steadfastly refused to let me go down on her. The sex was nonetheless incredible. A bit different, perhaps, in that we rarely screamed or broke beds, but damn it was intense and satisfying. Maybe if we'd been together longer I'd have asked her about it, but at the time we were too busy enjoying each other.
Try that.
Wally
I wouldn't sweat it. Ask her to maybe take control a little maybe have her on top during sex if you haven't already done so. Maybe try some different positions where the woman is in control of penetration. I'm sure she let you know when she's ready for oral sex and exploration. Talk with her and let her know that you really enjoy pleasing her and want to please her and that you understand that maybe now is not the right time for that and that when and if she's ready to receive you are definately willing. Just a personal question is SHE able to please herself through masturbation or does she just avoid that all together too? Just a thought. If she knew what pleases her then she could show and tell you. LittleFury is right everyone is different and what is good for one it may not be good for another.
[QUOTE=Quote (duckie @ May 13 2004,09:57)]She may just be self-conscious about you going down on her. How she smells or thinks she smells, afraid that she'll turn you off. It's very common for women to feel this way, I used to. The other thing that maybe affecting how long she can handle oral sex is the sensitivity sometimes it can be way too intense and a woman can't handle direct clitoral stimulation for too long.
I'm not sure how old you are but the age might be a slight factor too.
Just a few thoughts, hope that this helps.[/QUOTE]
at first i thought she was insecure about how she looked/smelled etc. too. so i brought it up. she was at first but now she says she's totally comfortable with it. her clit must be extremely senstive or something because she doesn't even really like me to rub her down there very much. she doesn't say it hurts or is uncomfortable, just that it doesn't really feel all that good. but i would think that if it was sensitive then when i very lightly carress it it would feel good for at least a few minutes. which i've tried with absolutely no reaction. it just makes me feel like shit that i can't pleasure her like i want to. especially since i'm just now getting to where i can control when i cum, but sometimes i just can't hold out. then i feel really bad because i know she didn't enjoy near as much as i did. i guess its all fairly common problems to people who are fairly new at sex but it sucks! not sex but not being able to please the person you're with like you want to. i don't know, we both just turned 19 if that makes any difference. i just read all these stories of marriages breaking up because one of the people in the relationship isn't sexually satisfied by their partner so they go elsewhere to find satisfaction and it scares me. i plan on marrying her one day and i don't want that to happen to me! am i just being too paranoid?
Also remember, not every girl is the same. Some might like one thing and for her in might be this way, for another it's completely different. You gotta do whats right for the two of you and not try to make it like others say it's for them or like it's in the movies. Sometimes you gotta think outside of the box or in this case a book. Also, each time mgiht be different. I love forplay, but sometimes, I just wanna get down to it. You might benefit from just sitting down outside of the bedroom and talking about it. It mgiht help. And remember to have fun then you're doing it.
She may just be self-conscious about you going down on her. How she smells or thinks she smells, afraid that she'll turn you off. It's very common for women to feel this way, I used to. The other thing that maybe affecting how long she can handle oral sex is the sensitivity sometimes it can be way too intense and a woman can't handle direct clitoral stimulation for too long.
I'm not sure how old you are but the age might be a slight factor too.
Just a few thoughts, hope that this helps.
Somewhat reminds me of my girlfriend, except that she always wants me to go down on her. We used to have a little foreplay, but no more..she just wants to get RIGHT to the act. She's perfectly fine with me just pulling out the ky and getting right at it with absolutely no warm up...I can't find anything that would be of any use in foreplay anyway. She doesn't like having anything fondled, stroked, sucked on, etc. All she wants is cunnilingus or sex, the only thing I've found of interest is that there's this certain spot I can press on her back and it makes her go wild *shrug*. All women are different I guess. heh.
The only downside is she's one of those people that just lays there... She gives me no input on anything, the only time she actually says anything is if I put too much pressure on her clit with my tongue and she says ouch. :\ I really wish I could get her to be more responsive. heh.