So I just broke up with my girlfriend of about almost a year due to what she called lack of sexual chemistry. Basically our sex was not up to par according to her. I like a lot of foreplay. Oral sex, stroking, kissing, and so on. She was very much against any of that so that was somewhat of a problem. She told me that the 2 guys she was with before she never had to do that and they were hard and ready to go just by kissing each other. Plus, she got upset that i couldn't last very long. Maybe 5 minutes or so. So my 2 questions are:
Can guys get an erection and be ready to go just by kissing?
Does that mean there's anything wrong with me? I find I need a lot of physical stimulation to be ready to go. Sometimes I can get an erection by just kissing but not be fully erect.
Any suggestions would be helpful
well it sounds like you better look for another girl that one was not worth it
Some women like/need foreplay in varying amount to get 'ready' - and so do some guys. Nothing wrong with this.
Some women, myself included, have their engines always idling; as do some men. A strong wind blows and we orgasm. Different sorts of people and it takes all kinds.
Part of the problem was that you two were not a great sexual match. The other part of the problem was the 'feedback loop' you set up for yourself, and she didn't help, in your head. Expectations and comparisons with previous lovers - do not do it as this can make you 'gun-shy'. 'You failed before and you'll fail again' - that sort of deal. Do not 'past think' and do not 'future think' but get lost in the moment! Focus upon this woman here and now. Relax, this is not the Olympics!
This lady simply was not the woman for you.
Try again, there are many out there.
No, there's nothing wrong with you. I'd much prefer someone like you who would take the time to warm things up before going for it. Yes people can be ready to go just from kissing, but foreplay makes it so much better! So trust me, you're doing the right thing. As for only lasting 5 minutes, you can try stopping just before you're about to come, and then once the feeling has passed, go for it again. This will make it last longer and make orgasms much more powerful for both of you.
I completely agree. In fact, the substance of the above reply is what I reply to most often and at a much greater length. It's nice to see the gist of my messages put into a synopsis.
As for becoming aroused, certainly by now you should know that you can have an erection from such sensory inputs as sight, sound, smell, imagination, touch, taste, and just randy thoughts in general.
> Can guys get an erection and be ready to go just by kissing?
Of course; although it is more likely the erection will happen just from the thought of kissing.
> Sometimes I can get an erection by just kissing but not be fully erect.
This is normal. Whether you do or do not acheive a full erection, much depends upon the chemestry between you and "the moment". What is important is that the erection, partial or full, is an indication that you are becoming aroused. To become fully aroused, you must add kisss and caresses and more making out to this.
> Does that mean there's anything wrong with me?
What matters most about this is truly what matters to you and that is that before you close in on the orgasms, you devote lots of time to the necking and petting aspects that precede foreplay yet are all inclusive at this stage, also. A person does not have to go back through too many of my posts to find where I recommend devoting at least half an hour to just making out (more within reason if time permits). From what you say, you are not only doing good, you also have the makings of a caring, compassionate, knowledgeable lover. Hopefully future girlfriends will recognize and appreciate these qualities.
> She told me that the 2 guys she was with before she never had to do that and they were hard and ready to go just by kissing each other.
What she is describing is what is known as a "Quickie". Nothing wrong with these when passions are running at a feverish pitch! There is a time and a place for these escapades, although as a regular means for making love--no. She will learn this when she discovers true love.
> she got upset that i couldn't last very long. Maybe 5 minutes or so.
This question can take two paths and therefore have two answers.
A#1: When lasting concerns intercourse, most women report that if the act lasts longer than about ten minutes they become tired, bored, and, sore. This being the case, you are right on target.
A#2: Even if you are not yet having intercourse, your staying powers are pretty good and should not be of worry to you. Should you ever experience Premature Ejaculation, there are ways to handle it as noted next.
Regardless, if you do find that you are about to climax and that you would rather hold off for a while longer, one of two solutions can be applied. The first is for your partner to use the "Squeeze" technique on your penis; the second is for you to learn to recognize those sensations that immediately precede an orgrasm and then be able to wake up out of your euphoria and bliss in order to pause the action. I frequently describe an exercise you and a partner can do to help train you. It is fun, challanging, and a very worthwhile undertaking. To learn about his, please do an advanced search using my name and the any of these key words: squeeze, PE, Premature Ejaculation, urgency. You can do a GOOGLE search to learn about the Squeeze technique.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
Well be broke up last week. I think our sex issues were at the top of the list of reasons why. I thought she was a very pretty girl and that's why I don't understand why then we had so many issues. Basically she just got very turned off for the following reasons:
1. I'd lose my erection very frequently.
2. She was bugged that we never could do multiple sessions during sex. The reason being was because I'd lose my erection when we'd go to switch into another position and she'd not be as wet when I got my erection back. She was against doing oral onto herself so that didn't help matters.
We went to talk to a therapist over our issues and during the session my girlfriend had to talk about her past boyfriend. She basically said that not all these issues were such a deal as it was with me and her. This has bugged me ever since and I felt like I had to meet that expectation. This expectation being 1/2 hour -45 minute sessions with no erection difficulty while doing multiple positions. Its worth mentioning that she told me that she's never had an orgasm through intercourse with anyone so I don't know how good it really could've been..
I really liked her a lot and she felt the same about me but I think she got to the point where these problems would continue. I felt that these issues would go away through practice, parience, and understanding. I guess I'm just confused why I seemed to have so many issues and the guy before didn't. I know guys are different and have different turn-ons but it still confuses me. It's also worth mentioning that the guys she dated before were aggressive guys who were somewhat jerks. I'm definitely a more sensitive person who tends to think more about the girl I'm with.
Feedback would be great
I have to agree with the previous posts completely. Especially that she was not the gal for you. When you meet the one that you REALLY click with, it will be hard at the thought as stated. What you need is a compatible partner who enjoys learning and exploring and is open minded enough to know there are many ways to skin a cat.
I am not proud of the fact that I am in my forties and dating again but I can also tell you that in the past 12 months, only 1 of four sexual partners was really compatible with me. The rest compared as yours did, or simply didn't respond or were just not getting me into it and things fizzled out rather quickly.
Not sure your age but if you are 35+ maybe you should seek a medical opinion on the erection issue though I suspect it is more psychological than physical. I have had similar issues and there are times that there is so much going on in life that your mind wanders during sex and that is a sure hardon killer. Or maybe you really were not all that attracted to her after all. Good luck and just relax....your a average dude who just has to find the one (and she is out there times ad infinitum) who adores the way you look, smell, touch and feel and she won't care or even remember how the others did it....or better yet, for her you will always be the comparison. Believe me....its easy to do...as I have silently compared and no one will ever live up to ****y because she was phenominal. I can do those comparisons....I WOULD NEVER SHARE THEM WITH A POTENTIAL SEXUAL PARTNER.
Sorry for your loss but excited for your future!! Head up, chest out and if you can snag such a pretty girl......just get out there and snag another till you spark together.
Fescue: true, one never shares details with one's partner(s). Unless you swing, of course.
of course Evil. And if she is into sharing or wants to know and tell about hers, I will gladly share. But not to hurt her or make her feel like I 've had better. Please. You are all very lovely and I adore all women....I just might want to jaccuzi first.
Mmmmmm jacuzzi! Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.