OK, first off, I have read several of the threads on similar topics, but have not really found any answers that I have not tried already. If I missed some answers, I apologize and appreciate link to the correct threads or websites.
So, I was out of the sex game for several years (since 2003). Reason was infatuation with a distant relationship that did not end up working out. This year, I have re entered the market, and have been experiencing some equipment malfunctions. In March, I hooked up with a lady I met, and after a week of hanging out together, we started getting down to it. However the first two times we were together, I was not able to maintain an errection when the right time came. All during foreplay, and before that, I had a rock hard penis, but by the time we got around to intercourse, all blood was gone and nothing seemed to bring it back. After those first couple of times, I was back to my old self, wearing her out which ultimately ended our relationship as she did not have the stamina to keep up with me once I got back in my old form.
This month (May), I met a new lady. Once again, a week or so into the relationship, we started getting it on. But once again, I am experiencing the same problem. Hard on looking at her in some of her outfits, hard on during foreplay that feels like it is going to explode on it's own, but when the time comes for penetration, the blood is dissapearing.
We have talked about this, and she is certain that I am putting too much emphasis on it and am mentally psyching myself out of it. Maybe so, and I will continue to work on that. It also may have to do with being forced to use condoms, which I have rarely used before in my life as I have lead a monogamous sexual lifestyle. It is also still a new realtionship, but I feel like **** when I can't satisfy her. Unfortunately, giving her oral is not an option due to her HSV2 affliction. And I love giving oral. I actually shed tears one night when I felt how wet she was and knew I could have made her come with my tongue.
So maybe I already have the solution between her and I and the details we know and have talked about. But if anyone has any thougts on this, I would love to hear them.
BTW, I am 41, in excellent physical condition and can masturbate/ejaculate 3+ times a day, every day if I so wish, so I know the equipment does work. I have been avoiding that to save my sexual energy for her, but it does not seem to be having an effect either way.
Thanks for any information you can share with me on the topic. I appreciate all input.
Cheers~
Equipment
We'll have to wait for Dancin' Doc to get here!! I don't think anything like this has ever been posted on this site! :rolleyes: He's sure to have an answer for you
Yeah the only thing I can think of is that foreplay is lasting TOO long.
How long does it go for usually?
You can only sustain a rock hard one for so long before it has to go away eventually if not by "release".
Maybe if you cum during foreplay whether w/ HJ or BJ then continue to focus on her....by then you should be ready to go again and hopefully w/ no trouble.
I'm not a guy or a Doc lol but that's just a guess :)
Is there any way you could use dental dams to give her oral?? Never tried one but that's the only thing I've heard of for protection on the woman.
The brain is the most important sex organ and, evidently, it is not into these women yet.
> We have talked about this, and she is certain that I am putting too much emphasis on it and am mentally psyching myself out of it.
This sounds like a common case of Performance Anxiety that disappears on its on after a couple of sessions together.
> It also may have to do with being forced to use condoms, which I have rarely used before in my life as I have lead a monogamous sexual lifestyle.
Condoms do put up a barrier to the transmission of friction, that's true. My suggestion is not to put it on until the very last minute.
> I feel like **** when I can't satisfy her.
Very few women have a climax as a direct result of intercourse. This being the case, what most guys do is to reach around and finger the clitoris and associated pieces-parts while stroking. It may be that you will have to limit your pleasuring of her to this.
My suggestion is to finger her before and after intercourse as she wishes. This is often standard operating proceedure just because our bodies do not always match up in order to provide the necessary and ongoing stimulation, regardless of whether there is something medically wrong with one or both individuals.
Thanks to everyone who chimed in on this topic, and in a very timely manner. I appreciate all the feedback.
I think I just need to relax and let happen what will happen rather than being so focussed on either of us having an orgasm.
I guess another factor that I neglected to mention is that she too has been out of the game for a couple of years, and has told me that she was unsure if a man could ever please her again (because of having contracted the STD and the details surrounding that drama). The one time that I did have an erection hard enough for penetration, it caused some pain for her because of how much time she had been away, and that immediately brought me down. So part of my anxiety may be based on the idea that the penetration will cause her pain, which she is not into and I do not want to bring about.
I have been using my fingers extensively while she gives me BJ's, which have been great. I also have been using a small glass dildo, sometimes with my fingers, to try and get her vagina used to the penetration again. Her responses have been loud and clear, and I really enjoyed her reactions!
I am sure all will cum together eventually, I just wanted to see what others thought about the situation.
Once again, thanks to all for the feedback and I will continue to check back to see if anyone else has any advice or thoughts on this topic.
BTW, I did look into the oral damn situation that demonbuttercup mentioned, and read some stuff about cutting a condom to make your own. I am going to try this, but have not yet.
Cheers~
Equipment