My girlfriend and I have had sex twice. Before, both of us were virgins. We discussed it enough beforehand and we were both prepared for it to not be much good the first few times, we used protection, etc.
The first time, neither of us orgasmed, and both of us felt a little deficient, but we discussed it and concluded that the only thing that mattered was being close to each other. We looked up information (on this site) and the second time, I was able to orgasm, but she didn't. Whenever I tried to do anything for her (manually, orally, etc.), she told me not to worry about her and to concentrate on getting myself off. In our conversations since then, she has told me essentially the same thing.
Now, I understand that she loves me, but I love her too, and I would like her to enjoy what we're doing as much as I did. Should I press the issue and continue trying to give her pleasure, or should I just worry about myself like she says? I know that theoretically sex is about being together and not about orgasms, but I would still like to share that with her. She has told me that she feels indifferent toward sex, and I feel terrible about that, since I've really enjoyed the sex we've had so far, and it's not fair to her that she hasn't.
Cant wait
Choc,
In the next day will be the story (brief) of a woman having her first orgasm at 40. Hang in there, girl, and we have some good ideas for you.
No I dont think I have ever had one. Never touched my self until 2 days ago. For my whole life I have been told that was inappropriate. Masturbation has got to be the dirtiest word in my families vocabulary. I am more than confused at this point, half of me says you need to do this for yourself and the other part is telling me i am definatley going to hell. My husband thinks the devil is in my life and if i pray hard enough i can get rid of it. Talk about peer pressure. It makes me wonder if anybody else out there has ever felt this way. I am trying to convince myself that if i can have an orgasm it will relieve stress, anxiety, etc.. That is the information I am getting from the intranet. Do you think that is true? Is it really medically necessary to have orgasms? Am i being a pervert?
Chocolategirl, have you never given yourself an orgasm? Do you touch yourself? Are you not able to orgasm? I'm just a little younger than you and cannot even imagine what it would be like to go all these years without having had one! (Sorry...don't mean to rub salt in the wound.) I hope you achieve one soon! Once you do, you won't regret it! Good luck to you both!
Well I am brand new to this site, any site for that matter, so hear goes, I would definetly try and help her have an orgasm, I am 35 yrs old and married for 15 yrs and have never had one. I am in my prime I think now and having a hard time convincing my husband I want to experience it. I am in the opposite role, he is more on the shy, religious side I am going out of my mind. Guess I shouldnt talk to so many of my friends about this and I wouldnt have heard what I have been missing all my life. She may not think it matters to her if she gets off but someday it may come back to bite her in the butt. Now I feel guilty about being so selfish.
I think you need to address her apparent indifference.
You are correct that it is about being together and not orgasms and you are even more correct about wanting to share with her. There's a thread buried somewhere here that attempts to describe the difference between making love and having sex.
That means, in part, finding out what gives her pleasure and continuing to concentrate on that pleasure for both of you, not the orgasms - yours or hers.
She may not, in fact, be indifferent to making love - she may be indifferent to her own orgasm.
Since you seem to have good communication skills as a couple, talk it out and figure out what is going on so you continue to share love making!
Well, perhaps your girl is somewhat like me. It may take her ages for you to get her off. If I want to get off, I'm going to have to do it myself when he's screwing me or something.
And while I do like his attention and him getting me wet and turned on and what not, it's not the end of the world if I don't have an orgasm. I'd much rather him acheive one than spend forever on me. There are sometimes I can be equally satisfied just giving him a blowjob and getting him off.
So maybe she gets pleasure out of seeing you get off. It may not get her off physically, but it may get her off in a mental way seeing you cum.
My advise, and I have always tried to do this myself, is to please your lover first. Once you get better at it and you both can relax more, she will probably begin to enjoy it. Take it slow. It sounds like you have a close relationship. Keep talking, and don't pressure her about anything.
I hope this helps. I'm sure some of the ladies on the board will be giving you much better advise. Keep us posted.