[QUOTE]I've been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months and we are very much in love. We first started having sex about a month into our relationship, and since then i have had some questions which i hope you good people can help me answer! [/QUOTE]

Here is one man's assessment of your observations.

[QUOTE]When we have sex it's amazing for me. I'm a very open person, and make a LOT of noise, which really turns him on. I've always had a very high sex drive, and am turned on really easily. During sex, my whole body seems to turn into one erogenous zone! Most of the time during sex with my boyfriend I feel on the very brink of an orgasm, it feels amazing physically and emotionally...[/QUOTE]

It is claimed a person's skin is the largest sex organ we have. One erogenous zone is right! It sounds like he is pleasuring you very well.

[QUOTE] ...BUT...
...he seems to feel sex completely differently. He makes NO noise (although I'll notice his heavy breathing if he's right up to my ear), if I ask how something feels, he'll say 'Good'. He has to tell me that he is about to come as I can't sense any change in his muscles, facial expression or breathing. We have yet to find any areas of sensitivity on his body, and he can talk completely normally right up to the point of climax. His face is blank throughout sex. [/QUOTE]

To each his/her own. Every person is "wired" differently and has different experiences that may have shaped the way they respond. For example, for boys sharing a room, one may attempt to remain very still and quite while masturbating so as not to disturb or alert the other as to what is going on. Enough of this over the years and this becomes a behavioral pattern.

Example two- because boys masturbate much more often than girls, some doing it daily or multiple times a day, it stands to reason that at some point in time, others are going to be home. In order to be secretive about his activities, he closes his bedroom door, or tries not to stay too long in the bathroom, and essentially bites his tongue as the expression goes so as not to make any exclamatory sounds. (I used to run the cold water in the shower for twenty minutes before ever turning on the hot water and stepping in. Try explaining your way out of that scenario to your mother when she knows the hot water tank is only 40 gallons!)

I imagine the same is true for girls, also, yet if you/they are better able to choose a time when the house is empty, then maybe being more vocal is possible.

I'm surprised that he lacks animation that much. My gosh, everybody I know of stretches, tenses up and squirms, often curls his/her toes, perspires, grunts, groans, sighs, making some noise even if not as articulate and loud as you and others, possibly lifting their hips (a good signal to give that s/he is ready for the next stage), changes breathing patterns to a pant or holding it (depending).

A blank face or stare is not unusual. Neither is a look of pain or a far off gaze. The more a person concentrates on peaking their arousal, the more they focus on their body and its responses to the exclusion of all else going on around them inside and outside. A blank look is just one such indicator that he is totally concentrating on what is happening to him.

"I'M CUMMING!" Neither of you are mind readers. And, because a woman's orgasm is much more internalized than a guy's, I believe it is very important and a necessary part of etiquette for a gal to inform her guy that she has or is about to climax. Doing so prevents the guy from asking the age old question: "Did you cum (yet)?" Providing feedback to your partner about whether you have climaxed or are about to can be done verbally or non-verbally.

The same holds true for guys. He should be encouraged to let you know when he is about to climax. Why?
a.) so you can stop what you are doing in order to let him cool it
until his sense of urgency subsides, in order to have another go at it
b.) so you can change tactics with what you are doing for him with
your hand and/or mouth and tongue (stopping all action for the
above; speeding up or becoming more animated in order to maximize
his climax)
c.) so you can stop what you are doing in order for the two of you
to get into position for intercourse

[QUOTE]At the beginning I was really hurt by all of this, and still sometimes get upset if I've found a particular experience particularly amazing when he doesn't seem to have felt much at all. We have talked about how I feel, and how he feels. He says that sex is different for men and women, and we feel much more pleasure than men do. I never imagined that that was generally true.[/QUOTE]

He is correct that men and women experience sex differently; although, there is more. More is that the experiences of becoming aroused and of having an orgasm are much more global for women {meaning a total body experience). Men enjoy being touched and caressed, yet as we become aroused to the point of an orgasm, in every sense these sensations are all localized in and around the penis.

I wouldn't be overly concerned about his reactions. If he is enjoying himself, quietly or not, animated or not, and wants to keep doing it for his pleasure, yours, and to further bond your relationship, then do not question his ability to respond. Please realize that men are not generally as chatty as women, so talking about feelings or experiences can be difficult.

[QUOTE] He used to have quite a low sex drive, although it seems to be fairly high now. He maintains that he loves having sex with me, says it's amazing and by far the best sex he's ever had. But still, I feel unsure. I feel that he's not accessing a whole world of pleasure, and really want him to be able to enjoy all the pleasures of sex. But perhaps this is not reasonable?[/QUOTE]

Now, in light of my comment, above, and in light of the behaviors he may have had to adopt as a teen living at home, a dorm, or barracks, * then you might encourage him to become more vocal or animated, in effect loosening up and getting into it with less reserve. If he is open to the idea, then one approach the two of you might try is to just let him be pleasured by you a few times. He is not to reciprocate.

Read the information in the Sticky post about how to make out and put it to good use with him. Get him all worked up over an hour or so and later to the point of having a climax. Pause, let him slide back down his arousal curve to a point where the sense of urgency subsides, then rebuild his level again. You can do this once or twice, although do not torture the guy. Let him have his climax by hand and/or oral at the end of these exercises. All the while, when you know he is extremely turned on, encourage him to explore his own reactions and responses to your caresses. Have him curl his toes if he does not do so at the brink of or during an orgasm. Encourage him to squirm, tense up, and lift his hips holding that position for the count of two before laying back down. Lifting his hips as he approaches the brink of an orgasm, causes considerable strain and will augment the feelings he has immediately prior to climaxing. Elevating his hips momentarily at the trigger point of his orgasm will also help bring it about.

Have you asked him if he has noticed an increase in his sex drive? What does he attribute this to?

[QUOTE]He is not as adventurous and kinky as me in terms of sex, and I wonder if his army background means it is difficult for him to let go. [/quote]

* I'm willing to bet that the more comfortable he becomes with himself, you, and your relationship, he will become more adventurous. Shucks, encourage him to read through some of the threads on the forum or to go through the articles in the INDEX

In addition to doing the exercise, above, a few times, why not take over the lead once in a while and do things to him that you would like him to do to you? Begin with a massage, turning it into an erotic massage as one place to begin. Use your imagination and maybe he will do unto you what has been done unto him. This is worth a try.

Brandye suggests purchasing the sex manual "The Joy of Sex". This is a book that has been updated considerably over the years and is very current.

[quote] So...in conclusion.... can sex be great even if you don't make much noise or facial expressions? How is sex different for men and women? [/quote]

Absolutely.

Asked and answered, above; although there is more. Sex is different because there seems to be much more of an emotional component for women with regard to the relationship. No relationship, no sex. Not necessarily true for guys. Generally speaking, it takes longer and with more effort to arouse a woman to the point of an orgasm. Sex is different for women because all aspects of her life have to be in harmony before she'll commit to a romp in the hay. Romance is a crucial factor for the fairer gender than for the male. Sex at 9:00 PM often means beginning the romance at 7:00 AM that morning and making sure the day before was a pleasant one for her.

Orgasms are also different in this way: Many women can experience more orgasms in a day than a guy. It's not uncommon for some women to enjoy a half dozen or more distributed throughout the day, or, combined into multiple orgasms. The spacing between need only be moments apart; not so for guys who, depending upon age, sex drive, and "wiring", generally require a down time of between ten and thirty minutes. The typical male is limited to between two and four throughout the day, plus, how many orgasms have taken place in the past twenty four hours.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

I am not a man and, so, cannot answer directly. I have witnessed many (too many) men during ejaculation. What I have seen runs the gamut from those who simply thrust and hold still with no expression to those who thrash a bit, groan, grimace and shout.

We women tend to want the thrusting to continue through orgasm; men make a deep thrust and hold still. It appears to me, medically, men's orgasms are all pretty much the same; we women have many different orgasms, sometimes in the same session. The male orgasm triggers endorphins in the brain which leads to drowsiness; we like to continue and cuddle.

I heartily support Doc's recommendation that you get the Joy of Sex. That book, and its companion, has enough ideas to keep any sexual relationship fresh or refreshed for a long time.

PS: As a woman, though not as a scientist, I do not believe men can experience the breadth and depth of sex that we women can. I love penis', to play with, but I would never want one of my own!

Please have a look at my original reply, again. I was doing some online editing while you were reading an earlier version. I've made some slight modifications and additions.

[QUOTE=NorthernPixie;189291]Wow! Thank you so much for your carefully thought-out, in-depth answer, Doc! I just read it out to my boyfriend and we talked about some of the things you said- of course, his favourite bit was where you say that he must be pleasuring me very well! [/quote]

There I go, again: Winning friends and influencing people. :cool:

[quote] To answer your question, we rarely have sex in the dark- perhaps the problem is that I am not sufficiently attuned to the changes in his body as he becomes more aroused. He claims that he does feel different at different stages of sex, tensing more when he is reaching the peak of arousal, although he admits that he body is generally pretty tense throughout! I do try every now and again to be more aware of these small changes, but i find it really hard to do, and he generally notices that there is a change in my focus and thinks something bad is going on. We'll keep trying, though! [/quote]

A good solution is in giving each other feedback. I have written about this at length and the information appears in one of the Sticky articles. Here is the rest of the information that I did not include, above:

Verbal feedback can be a word or a phrase or some other utterance the two of you work out to convey a specific meaning. The same goes for non-verbal communication that can be a squeeze of the hand or some other form of body language.

I recommend giving each other more feedback and work out signals that convey specific meanings. Incorporating feedback will keep you from having to keep an eye on him and his reactions. Feedback will give you accurate up to the minute information on how he is responding to what you are doing, for what he may need--now! and you can then focus more fully on pleasuring him instead of splitting your attention in order to monitor him (unless you want to enjoy the view). Non-verbal communication is great particularly for women because it is less distracting. Feedback is a form of communication be it verbal or non-verbal. Learn what "words" or what actions (like a squeeze of the hand or a frantic rubbing of one place) to convey what meanings the two of you work out.

[quote] He loved the bit about blank expression- it's what he's been telling me the whole time- I just didn't believe it could be true! So thanks for that confirmation! Now it seems like much more of a positive thing! [/quote]

Relax, believe in him, and go with the flow--both of you. ;)

[quote] I think that in light of your info I may be able to relax a bit and just let him enjoy sex the way he enjoys it. We talked about me focussing on pleasuring him exclusively on occassions. I've tried that before a lot, and he finds it difficult to be the centre of attention, and gets more turned on my turning ME on. I suppose I should be flattered that he can't keep his hands off me for long! He has agreed to try a type of compromise in which I can focus on him, as long as he is allowed to pleasure me a little later. I can see it's not ideal, but it's a start![/quote]

Compromise? Sounds like a win-win strategy to me. He's definitely thinking. OK, so you do him as described, earlier, letting him explore his physical responses to what you are doing with your hands, lips, and tongue. Let him have his climax after one or two build ups, then while he is recuperating and rejuvenating for half an hour, let him keep his ardor alive and fairly high by pleasuring you. Once you're up to speed, then do whatever comes naturally.

[quote] As for your other advice about encouraging more movements, we're going to have a think and a talk about that and work out what he's comfortable with. [/quote]

Sounds like a plan.

[quote] Yes- he has noticed his sex drive has increased- he finds me very physically attractive, he's more comfortable with me and able to be more open with me...and he loves me! It also helps that I'm his longest term sexual partner, so I'm probably getting to know what he likes more, even if I sometimes feel that I'm not![/quote]

I am willing to wager that your relationship is becoming more solid.

P.S. As for deleting your posts, only a moderator can do that. If you want a post ignored, just place some //////// in the body and say OOPS or something.

My husband is the same. He will say "I am going to cum". And it doesn't seem very exciting.@!
He admitted that he hasn't had a mind blowing orgasm. I think it may be cos he doesn't let go in the same way I feel I am forced to, it just happens for men. I feel I have to really work for an orgasm so of course the reward may be greater. I also have them less frequently than my husband does.

I quite like Brandye's reply and fully agree with her on all, including the PS. I also wish sometimes I had my partner's wide variety of sources and forms of pleasure! I am constantly in awe of this...

On the following statement :
"We women tend to want the thrusting to continue through orgasm; men make a deep thrust and hold still."

I can try and explain what happens to me when I orgasm, as I tend to very much do as she says above. I find that the closer to climax I am, the more sensitive the head of my penis becomes. As I ejaculate and immediately after, sensitivity is at its peak. Continued thrusting or rubbing (from penetration, manually or by mouth-work) can actually be quite painful or at least very uncomfortable :eek: . As much as continued stroking of the shaft of the penis through and after ejaculation can be very pleasurable, leave the "head" alone for a couple of minutes. I know that my partner would often like the thrusting to continue, but this is one area where I have learned to accept my own human limitations... :p And I am grateful for her understanding!

As to the drowsiness, also true. But most interestingly, I have found that with age (I'm 46), this drowsiness becomes less of a problem - go figure!!! :confused: Also, while I certainly have less sexual stamina (need more down-time between erections, can't do it as many times in a row as I used to, etc.), I have discovered or maybe just started using more extensively other "body parts" in our lovemaking more actively than before, as I guess a form of compensation... :p

I have asked a few men over the years, they say (the majority) that an orgasm is an orgasm for them. There are more rare times where it's earth shattering, but they said all in all--oral is the same as vaginal etc. Some men are screamers, some pant, some are dead quiet or "grunt". A few I have actually had to ask...now that is sad, LOL.

I believe women have an array of "types" of orgasms from mild to wild, single to multiple. Ones through intercourse are more intense to me then those from oral. Meaning we seem to be able to differentiate ours. Men seem satisfied to hit the destination and if they do not then they are not fulfilled, where as women enjoy the ride, orgasms are nice but yet optional for us...not mandatory.

[QUOTE=Brandye;189285]I am not a man and, so, cannot answer directly. I have witnessed many (too many) men during ejaculation. What I have seen runs the gamut from those who simply thrust and hold still with no expression to those who thrash a bit, groan, grimace and shout.

We women tend to want the thrusting to continue through orgasm; men make a deep thrust and hold still. It appears to me, medically, men's orgasms are all pretty much the same; we women have many different orgasms, sometimes in the same session. The male orgasm triggers endorphins in the brain which leads to drowsiness; we like to continue and cuddle.

I heartily support Doc's recommendation that you get the Joy of Sex. That book, and its companion, has enough ideas to keep any sexual relationship fresh or refreshed for a long time.

PS: As a woman, though not as a scientist, I do not believe men can experience the breadth and depth of sex that we women can. I love penis', to play with, but I would never want one of my own![/QUOTE]

As a guy, I've personally felt, many, many different varieties of orgasm. Theres been the "this is a quickie so there is no real emotion attached" sex orgasm. Then the orgasm where I was ridden so ridiculously well and I held it in for so long, if I didn't have a pillow under my head I would have knocked myself unconscious from my head whipping back when I finally let it loose. Also the orgasms when I'm dominating the sex, missionary, with my hands behind my girls head, pushing her body close to mine, moving us practically eye to eye as I climax...good lord.

Also...most guys go deep thrust then hold as they orgasm? When im in control of my orgasm(IE not in a female dominant position), I will always thrust in my deepest, but pull right back out and slam it right back in. I think it's my animalistic instinct to want to slam my "seed"(even with a condom on...) in as deep, hard and many times as I can. I probably give her a good 10-12 deep thrusts as I'm orgasming.

[QUOTE=NorthernPixie;189324]Thank you so much, Wagie.

Some questions for you!
1 to clarify...when you are getting aroused, a BJ, sex or kissing etc, where do you feel the physical sensation? Just the penis or the stomach too? Mentally?

2 You talk about the pint of climax- but what is sex like up until that point? Is it pleasurable in itself, or just part of a journey to a destination? I love the ride, you see![/QUOTE]

I'm not Wagie...but i'll answer...

1. It totally depends on the guy. It also totally depends on the level of connection between the two involved in the acts. Kissing early in my last relationship was just normal kissing like I'm hooking up with any girl. Kissing later on became much deeper. You can practically feel the emotion in the kisses when they are serious. Sex is the exact same way. Sex in the beginning of a relationship for me is, "I'm getting mine. I'll try a bit for you to get yours, if not oh well." Over the course, my main goal will be for her to get hers first.

2. This sort of ties in with the last part of #1. Are you basically speaking of penis-in-vagina sex or the whole act? The whole act is the best part. Exploring a women's entire body, pleasing every inch of her before even inserting is the best part for me. However, in general sex feels great. The warmth of the contact. The wetness of the contact(I like realllyyyy messy sex :-x). The rhythm of the two bodies in motion, it's awesome.

[QUOTE=NorthernPixie;189324]Thank you so much, Wagie.

Some questions for you!
1 to clarify...when you are getting aroused, a BJ, sex or kissing etc, where do you feel the physical sensation? Just the penis or the stomach too? Mentally?

2 You talk about the pint of climax- but what is sex like up until that point? Is it pleasurable in itself, or just part of a journey to a destination? I love the ride, you see![/QUOTE]

Pixie,

I believe my reactions are in many ways different from Flex's, while also similar in others (I do resent generalised statements that "men" or "women" are like "this" or "that"!).

When getting aroused, through more or less heavy petting, kissing, touching, rubbing, hugging, or whatever (and wherever! :p ), my mind will focus on whatever is taking place and the sensations in whatever part of my body that is being "stimulated". Best example I can give you of smallest gestures with most impact is when I'm driving and either meet up with or drop off my love somewhere. She often slips her fingers up the sleeve of my shirt, delicately caressing "under" my arm (the soft fleshy part) - that is "almost always" as-good-and-sweet-and-sensitive as the deepest kiss or the most skilled oral experience. Arousal is a state of mind and how good it is is a matter of the extent to which I'm in the mood for it. Anticipation is also a part of it, and the best symptom of this is usually butterflies in my stomach (as much as a good, healthy hard-on, of course!). Not quite a mystical experience as I may make it sound here, a VERY real thing!

As to sensations leading up to climax, I did say in an earlier posting (and stand by it here!) that I see climax/ejaculation as more of a mechanical thing, certainly pleasurable and often (not always!) essential but really as part of a whole. Of course I like to cum and cannot go by for very long without it. But to me the "joy of sex" lies at least as much in everything that happens "before" and "after" I cum - the pleasure of seeing/feeling her cum ideally a few times before and after I do, all the sensations related to penetration(wherever!)/rubbing/stroking, the warmth, the wetness (much like Flex here), the whispers and moans, tastes on my tongue, smells (oh that musky one!), the texture of skin and hair, etc. And finally, few moments in life are as tender as the "after", lying in each other's arms, panting, hugging, kissing and letting heartbeats come down to more normal tempo... :p

Now, you still have to figure out what makes your boyfriend/hubby tick!!! :D

I have not had much experiance, but I have felt big differences in my orgasms from different things.
Most of the time I am real quiet when I have an orgasm. This may be caused by me being a bit embarresed if I come to fast. Or I just want to keep going for her pleasure.
But the best orgasms for me happen when it takes more stimulation for me, the longer I go, the more build up, better release. So the second time I come, it is much better. Also, listening to a girl pant/moan/scream intensifies the orgasm for me. Even if Im just giving her oral, when she pants and moans it increases my arousel to pre-come almost instantly.

It all depends on the girl too, Ive had a girl who could suck real, real good... knew how to use her tongue. But some girls are a bit timid and have no idea what feels really good to a man. I like handjobs better than blowjobs most of the time, because I can help direct her as to what I like, and how hard to squeeze.

For me, Ive only had a few orgasms with a girl that were on par with what I can do by myself.

Rail,
Only thing I can say is that I feel sorry for you! Hopefully, with experience and reaching a certain level of comfort and intimacy with your love, you'll find that your hand is only a poor substitute for the real thing, if not all the time certainly most of it!
...

Christmas.

I've found that over the years I've become more free to experience the fullness of orgasms. In my early years, each orgasm was intense, but my motions and sounds were a bit inhibited. Now, decades later, I yell, moan, thrust deeply and quickly, and generally look like a madman (which pleases women!!).

It seems to me that it is part of an overall feeling of being more open talking about sex, expressing my desires and fantasies ... generally just being open and free about the whole thing.

Every year I find that I'm exploring new sexual things, and right now when I orgasm I'm feeling it throughout my entire body, being completely lost in it, and let my body do what it wants ... I lose awareness of what's happening on the outside ... I'm exploding in sexual bliss on the inside!

Good luck .... and enjoy!!!!

Passionate Man

[QUOTE=Brandye;189285]
PS: As a woman, though not as a scientist, I do not believe men can experience the breadth and depth of sex that we women can.[/QUOTE]

I don't accept this comment at all.

How do we go about attaining that, Brandye?

My orgasms are pretty short-lived. And yet, I hear about friends who have the most intense orgasms from sex.