This week we will have been married 22 years--not always perfect, sometimes pretty rocky. Seven years ago I caught her cheating with somone elses husband (went on for over a year and a half--started counseling--still saw him in secret for a while--eventually ended abruptly when I confronted him and his wife in a public place). Life went on and we settled into a pretty boring routine on both sides. Frankly, I can't trust her but I operate on blind faith.
Last week I installed a program on the computer to check on my 13 year old daughters' internet behavior and I find an "secret Yahoo account" that my wife has. I sign on to it and find back and forth messages to just one person, a guy ten years younger and someone I met last year (one of these 'life of the party' guys at a july 4th thing) Nothing in the emails really "said" anything, just things like 'lets get together for a drink" etc., but I noticed references to a rock band in some messages and realized that the bands name was also part of her password plus (I find out later-his birthday)
I lose it, go to the garage, get two suitcases, wake her up and tell her shes busted, to pack her stuff and take her ass over to **** house. She says "just a friend, nothing going on, someone to talk too,etc. The screaming match goes on for hours and I finally just go to bed and she stays.
Next morning, she says she has to go shopping and leaves.
I jump on the computer and see she has written this guy and says "meet me a (restaurant) at 10:30.
I jump in the car and drive to the parking lot--her car is there---Now, I know my limits, I only have accusations and I realize that if I walk in the restaurant, I will end up whipping someones ass pretty badly, so I just sit and wait for her to leave. About an hour later out she comes with ****. He gets in his car and pulls up next to hers, gets out and ahe gives him somthing she bought for him. No hugs, no embraces--(did they know I was in the parking lot??) or am I just seeing two friends giving each other the 'heads-up'.He drives off before I can get close enough but she sees my car and I pull up next to her. Pretty confused look but still maintains nothing is/was 'going on'.
Rest of the day was assurances that they are just friends,period. That saying that she was going one place and really going another (meet for a drink, etc,, help him with his apartment) was because "I would mis understand a platonic friendship.
That night we had sex (for the first time in who knows how many months---long time) and here she has had all her pubic hair shaved off. Her explanation: "everyone is doing it". As to having sex with her 'friend' or anyone else: "He is not even interested in a 50 year old woman"----we are just friends.
Ok, here is my dilemma-----shit don't look good on my end here and although its possible to have "friends"--way to much deceit is going on here. One other thing that really intrigues me is that if this **** guy is a friend, why is this friend letting her twist in the wind and not come to her defense?
FRiends look out for friends.
My friends,both male and female, are split on this situation--believe what she says or she is up to it again. They know me and some know her also.
I need opinions here, especially from those who have been
there on the fence before I get **** side of the story.
Thanks to any one who can offer assistance
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She doesn't understand that there are lots of people on here that can't wait to tell her what she needs to hear. She welcomes them with open arms. Just don't get so angry with her. Show her the old you and treat her better then the others do. Show her more love then they do. Give her other reasons not go spend so much of her time searching for something that isn't there. Just keep your cool and keep a tight watch on her but remember, if she doesn't want to be there there is nothing you can do. Go on a friends computer and try to chat with her as someone else. Then it will become clear. The more you push the more she runs.
Thank you folks for your input---sometimes you don't want to believe what you've got to believe. The shittest thing is that now she is over the top affectionate but if I contact he friend, she "Will hate you forever" ----what a sneaky little bitch.
Update: She has this briefcase with inner pockets.In one pocket was a toothbrush, an almost used travel tube of toothpaste, a minature mounds candy bar(puts it around Halloween)and a disposable razor. In the razor were small pieces of stubble and in the pocket (I guess that if you watch enough CSI you learn amazing things) of the bag, by using a piece of tape to swab the lining, I find a few thin, soft but wiriry hairs---the kind that only grow near and under your ass. Okay, now if everyone is shaving off their pubic hair,do they also have to have a razor on hand for touch-ups on the road?
Question is, and I really do need advice here, what do you think my next move should be? I know what I want to do but I also don't want to spend Xmas in jail.. help me out here friends. thanks
I am going to be frank. This isn't what anyone wants to here, but why the hell wouldn't she be honest with you if he was just a friend? Why does she need to sneak around and lie to you? Why haven't you ever been invited to hang out with this friend?
Because he's not just a friend... and if on the off chance he is just a friend, she is using him to manipulate you and make you uncomfortable. both are equally wrong and not something you should have to deal with. Best of luck.
Dude, what ever you do, dont give her your source of information. She will figure it out soon enough if she hasnt already. At this point, make her think you believe her. I know it will be tough to hold back when you know shes meeting him. Get some video. Keep good records of all of their meetings. Dont confront her until you have evidence of a few meetings. When you do confront her, have your ducks in a row and be firm. If she has kept on doing this after your post today, and still meeting him, you know what the answer is. There is no reason that she should keep that relationship going after this. If she does, bust her and send her packing.
I hate cheating, lying, bitch. Just my 2 cents.
Oh there are lots of red flags going on here. I think your right that she is up to something and it isn't good. What do you think she gave him at the restaurant? A letter explaining what you found out maybe?
She has a secret account with his birthday as part of her password? No one does that for someone that is just a friend.
I think you know the truth and it sucks but you can't hide from it either.
And if she is telling the truth and he is just a platonic friend. Why does she have to lie about it? Would you really misunderstand and have a fit if she did just have a guy friend? Is there are part of you to blame for her going into hiding?