Just because he wants to you doesn't mean you have to and if you think you will get jealous then don't do it - why inflict your issues onto another person?

Talk about your feelings with your husband. Explain to him that you are concerned about becoming jealous. No reason to throw a wrench into something that seems to me running smoothly.

Watching two females go at it isn't all that unusual a fantasy for a male to have. That's (one reason) why they make female-on-female porn. Perhaps it's simply one of those fantasies that's best left a fantasy.

[QUOTE=bambie69;272797]I like that !! good IDEA! He says he loves our sex life best he ever felt with any one and he's had plenty !! Why do you think he wants me to be with a woman and he said he just wants to watch?? If its so good why another person?[/QUOTE]

Women have asked me this question. It seems to be a common male fantasy. I don't know where it came from; maybe Penthouse Forum in the 70s or 80s. The best I can figure is that once the two women finish pleasing each other they are going to please me. At least that has been my experience.

It is quite common but not as common as watching other men enjoy sex with your wife which is the #1 male fantasy according to research on the subject.

Or to put that another way - watching your wife enjoying sundry other men.

Yes, usually the hsband gets to subsequently enjoy both women in a FMF.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;272815]It is quite common but not as common as watching other men enjoy sex with your wife which is the #1 male fantasy according to research on the subject.

Or to put that another way - watching your wife enjoying sundry other men.

Yes, usually the hsband gets to subsequently enjoy both women in a FMF.[/QUOTE]

I do not understand why that is in the slightest. I think of watching my husband making love to another woman and I am devestated no matter how hard I try not to be. Is it because I don't like to share or what? :o:confused:

Insecurity - you think if he's with another woman, you will lose him to her and you don't want to do that. Of course calling sex "making love" is the first clue. Often, love has nothing to do with it.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;272841]Insecurity - you think if he's with another woman, you will lose him to her and you don't want to do that. Of course calling sex "making love" is the first clue. Often, love has nothing to do with it.[/QUOTE]

What do I have to be secure about? Divorce happens daily. I have no guarantee's. Do I know that he loves me now? Yes. Does that guarantee that he will love me tomorrow? I don't think so.

If he likes sex with another woman better than me, she gives a better blow jobs or she is sexier than I am, what would he come back to me for?

If sex is separate from love, then why does my husband tell me that he shows me how much he loves me by having sex with me and wouldn't that mean that he would be showing another woman how much he loves her if he has sex with her?

P.S. I do not mean to thread steal, but my feelings go along with the OP's. I too would be afraid of feeling jealous.

I think what EEK means is society has intertwined love and sex far more than what the action of sex itself warrants. Some societies don't allow kissing, some don't allow eye contact, and some don't allow handshakes.

I think it's easy to get turned around with society's acceptable list. For example with sex, is it the physical act of pleasure being given to another person that's wrong? If so then there are plenty of other pleasurable activities (ie. massage therapy, etc) that should be looked down upon. Is it the skin contact? Because people hold their friend's hands, or hug, or any other such allowed activity. The skin on my hand and on my penis is DNA matching.

I believe that the root issue is the love. It is correct to feel all the above about love, as (generally speaking) love is situated between 2 people. Altering that love is where the betrayal comes. Sex just happens to be one the tools that does that altering. But I will agree that for the sake of love, if one party says "don't do this, please" then the other person should respect this. That is love.

As far as the example of the of the husband showing love by having sex, while I understand that they are closely related it also doesn't mean if he stopped having sex with you that he doesn't love you anymore. I love my wife dearly, and I know she loves me, but we don't have near the sex life I would prefer, because for whatever reason she just doesn't "require" it. While I really want more I respect that I can't force her to, but even if she turned into an EEK overnight it wouldn't mean that she now loves me more than before. It would just mean she's interested in sex.

Divorce does NOT happen daily. The vast majority of us stay married - most even happily - come hell or high water despite the headlines.

Sex is the physical expression of desire.
Love is the emotional attachment between people.
The two should never be confused.

Of course there are no guarantees - that's life itself and either you can handle this 'uncertainty' or you can't but we humans are particularly prone to not knowing what we are capable of, where our true happiness lies, and we all fear the unknown to the point of always imagining the worst will happen.

But behind such statements as your's and the OP's lies the idea that YOU aren't good enough and THAT is BS - if your husband permanently strays then it is HIS error, NOT yours. He is not a child to be absolved of responsibility by laying any guilt upon you. In my not at all humble opinion - any man willing to trade in a loving wife for 'better sex' is a fool his now ex-wife is better off without.

So - why should you be jealous? Waste of time and energy. He will or he won't but it really will have nothing to do with you being better or worse than the next woman.

Awe, thank you Firmus and EEK for your wonderful posts! Great explanations and I appreciate them very much!

EEK, you are right, I do think that I am not good enough most of the time. I often wonder what 'good enough' even means. I remember feeling that way when I was a child.

"Good enough" by itself doesn't mean anything. It should always be joined with "as compared to..." AND "according to whom?"

You are YOU - a unique human being with your own collections of virtues and flaws. No one else quite like you has ever, does now, or will ever exist again.

Besides which - such comparisons are odious.

That was it EEK, you just totally put that into perspective. The comparison was that I am not good enough in general and I am the one deciding that. I did some researching and I think I found the reason. My mother is narcisistic and in her eyes I have never been good enough, so I look at my self through her eyes and not my own. Please understand though, I am not blaming my mom for my life, I am attempting to understand myself and to fix myself. I know that my mom had a harder life than I have had, she too was molested as a child and for some odd reason, her parents were going to adopt her out to the very man that molested her.
I have distanced myself from my mother some since we moved away but I am still affected by her behavior towards me. I have always attempted to please her and never accomplished it, I have finally realized that nothing that I could ever do with please her and even if I did something good, she would take the credit for it. She attempted to keep me from getting a college degree, she has withheld her love from me and I was even 'grounded' from going to her house when I was in my 30's. (which ended up being a vacation for me)

My biggest challenge in life is to keep myself from inhereting those traits and passing them on to my own children.

Thank you for helping me realize this feeling and that it is not healthy for me to continue on with it. I am good enough, I have always been good enough. :)

I understand..Im not allowing another body into my relationship. U never know the consequences that may bring

Me - I let everyone in - only those who can stand the pace will last so why worry.

[QUOTE=bambie69;272797]I like that !! good IDEA! He says he loves our sex life best he ever felt with any one and he's had plenty !! Why do you think he wants me to be with a woman and he said he just wants to watch?? If its so good why another person?[/QUOTE] Maybe as he said, he simply wants to watch. I've asked my wife to play with herself but she won't. She asks me why do I want it so bad and I tell her I want to jerk myself off while I watch her. She still won't do it. So I compromise. I'll ask her to spread her legs open so I can see her vagina and I jerkoff while she watches. I enjoy that.