Hi there everyone,
My name is Peter and I am new here. I think every relationship needs 5 things to keep the bond of that special relationship alive and strong. These 5 things are,
#1 - Faith in God
#2 - Trust in one another
#3 - Communication with one another
#4 - Commitment
#5 - SACRIFICE
I think a lot of the times marriages end or relationships end is because the partners in the special relationship do not communicate with one another, they don't have much faith, or they do not Sacrifice for one another and truly make an attempt at solving their problems or getting to know one another more.
Any thoughts? :)
Interesting thread, dear Peter,
Allow me to share my views:
Faith in God Would you be so kind to please explain this? To me having faith in a relationship is not the same as faith in God. I think this could only be true for those who believe in some kind of deity. So for those of us who don't... Better; have Faith in yourself.
Self-worth and self-love is crucial to a relationship. If you can't love yourself, you can't truly love anyone else. Which brings me to:
LOVE; shouldn't that be nr 1???
Trust in one another I completely agree that the foundation of a relationship is trust.
Communication with one another is the key to anything in a relationship; understanding eachother, pleasing eachother, solving difficulties, etc.
Commitment I agree on this as in: it means that you won't just use the relationship for the "opportunity" or whenever it suits you, you are there for your partner. And you both agree upon which rules your relation will function (some come naturally, some need to be discussed explicitly). I don't much believe in commitment as in rules that are documented and it is officially dated and signed by both. I believe commitment combined with trust makes such document obsolete. It is only a necessity when it comes to formalities.
Sacrifice is a difficult one... I agree that in today's individualistic society people do tend to chose for themselves. It's heart-breaking to hear a partner say to another "you don't want to drag me down, do you? so I'm leaving!" I'm talking about people that become ill or depressed, lose their job, etc and are left by their partners. That is simply cruel! And there appears to be no sacrifice or empathy at all...
But: I too have to point out that sacrifice is not endless. Your life remains your own! Even in a relationship in which your lives are entwined and you first thought it would last a lifetime. You do have to consider whether you two are still "connected". People go through experiences, which makes them learn, develop and grow. And you need to accept this could mean; growing closer together or growing apart.
affection? patience? mutual enjoyment?
The latter is of extreme importance to like each other in the first place and to be able to lead and continue a joyful life together.
Faith in god #1?????
Where did you find this?...... Church propaganda me thinks..
Well what I found on my own is that many times people who are divorced or are cheated on sometimes go through breakdowns and they can't handle what has happened to them. And I have found many women who go through this turn to religion and they find God and love. This is just my experience when I talk with women. affection? patience? mutual enjoyment? I believe all these are special to have and I think these would follow from what I had posted and I actually forgot to put in LOVE in my initial post. :) PM me if you guys want to chat about anything
I agree with the person who said faith in yourself. After all, not everyone believes in God but that doesn't mean that their relationships won't last. Honestly though, I think Communication is the most important. After all, without it, how can you learn to trust your partner or even sacrifice for them if you don't know what they need? Love is really important too but I don't think that is something that should even have to be mentioned. Why else would you want to commit to a person if not for love?
Faith in a fantasy (god) will get you nothing but empty hope. Faith in reality in yourself and your loved one thats what will get you thru REAL problems. I will take faith in what is real and present. I dont get faith in god why not believe in santa clause....beliefe in him has been around for centuries and its no less silly if you consider it.
[QUOTE=Peter the rock 16;264747]Well what I found on my own is that many times people who are divorced or are cheated on sometimes go through breakdowns and they can't handle what has happened to them. [/QUOTE]
So you are married?
Have been married?
Divorced?
Many people put their faith in God,many do not.I do not jugde people by what they do or do not believe in.Peter makes some valid comments,but i do agree entirely with RedRoses.But i think what they both left out was respect.If you do not respect each other along with all of the other things mentioned,the relationship is doomed from the start.Also someone who purports to be a Christian,yet breaks these fundamental principles is a hypocrytical b***ard.I include my husband in this group.
@RG, I just thought of it this morning; respect and honesty. I'm so glad to see this addition has been made already! :) And you're so right; the relationship woudl be doomed from the start without it.
@Peter; when you start a thread about what a relationship/marriage needs, it's typical how you should mention the way people cope with cheating/divorce. Since that would mean the relationship failed(!)
It is true people derive comfort from religion. Which is not that weird; since it mostly is about believing there's someone up there that cares for you; so you're not alone. Most religions give meaning to why bad things happen to you because of some greater plan; takes away the "why-feeling" since it was not all for nothing. And there are usually some "enlightened" that lead the sacred way; it's nice to rely on someone else, esp when everything is too blurry for you. Plus; usually when joining a religion, you're also joining a community; people that are there to comfort you. I can see the liking and if it pulls someone out of there misery, I'm glad for them. As long as they don't expect me to do so.
@SavvyMV; I agree love should not even have to be mentioned. But there are a lot of other reasons on why someone commits to a person; money, status, freedom, an unexpected child, fear of being alone, the need to be loved, the need to be "saved", etc....Mostly it is an illusion your partner can really "fix" it for you nor is it fair to make him/her responsible for it. Such reasons do not make you happy, but in the real world it happens often.
My liist would be different.
1. shared core values regardless of religion/politics Religion and politics are 'outward' manifestations of the 'inward' desire for meaning and order. As long as their defintiions of meaning and order match - their religion and politics don't matter.
2. having the courage to be honest with both yourself and with each other and the kindness to be relatively tactful
3. respect for each other as an adult individual thus leaving them to deal with their issues helping only when needed and even then only offering to "hold their coat for them" until more is clearly required.
4. Giving a damn about him/her as him/her - their own person - and not as 'my wife/husband' or 'my provider of this or that'.
5. being willing to forgive and to accept forgiveness - for surely we all make mistakes
6. a deep appreciation for the bittersweet and the grey areas of life while being able to remain joyous
I heartily disagree that there is any sacrifice involved in any loving relationship for there should within the relationship be a meeting of the minds and an understanding which precludes any need for sacrifice.
I like evilevilkitten's list! Oh, @RedRoses, I'm naive when it comes to relationships (I'll admit it, after all I got married at 18 to a man I had just met) so I guess, in a perfect world, love should be the reason people stay together. I have a friend who stays with her abusive husband because of lack of money and their children so I do know that reality is harsh there.
Savvy
Your friend need NOT stay with her abuser - there are organizations that will do everything for her including financial aid and helo with the children.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;264775]My liist would be different.
1. shared core values regardless of religion/politics Religion and politics are 'outward' manifestations of the 'inward' desire for meaning and order. As long as their defintiions of meaning and order match - their religion and politics don't matter.
2. having the courage to be honest with both yourself and with each other and the kindness to be relatively tactful
3. respect for each other as an adult individual thus leaving them to deal with their issues helping only when needed and even then only offering to "hold their coat for them" until more is clearly required.
4. Giving a damn about him/her as him/her - their own person - and not as 'my wife/husband' or 'my provider of this or that'.
5. being willing to forgive and to accept forgiveness - for surely we all make mistakes
6. a deep appreciation for the bittersweet and the grey areas of life while being able to remain joyous
I heartily disagree that there is any sacrifice involved in any loving relationship for there should within the relationship be a meeting of the minds and an understanding which precludes any need for sacrifice.[/QUOTE]
x2 EEK:cool: