No, you're not "screwed". Though I think that's the ultimate goal....think about it...you'll laugh.

Now on to business, most of this is stuff that the two of you should be discussing BEFORE you ever get to the point where it becomes an issue. You should already know if she is on the pill or not. Best to get together at a time when sex is absolutely not going to happen and talk about these things. As for unhooking a bra, go buy one and practice at home! Pretty much, she is the one you should be asking these questions, because she is the one you want to please.

You should have the condoms and she should have the spermicide. If you cannot discuss it with her, you should not be sticking it in her.

[QUOTE=flames068;220950]I have no idea what im doing. And shes been having sex for a few years now. Am I screwed or what?

[COLOR="Blue">NO! not at all. Please read this article that you should have found and read already. :confused:[/COLOR]

HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:
[COLOR="Blue">Chapter Five (also has its own separate link):[/COLOR]

Let me see if I can think of all the questions I have:

As far as condoms go, should I look for one that is thicker, to hopefully make me last longer? I honestly don't care about feel at this point.

[COLOR="Blue">And why not? All condoms reduce the friction to one degree or another. The most heard complaint is that wearing one makes it very difficult for some guys to reach the trigger point of an orgasm. Not always, but enough do complain.*

More important is finding the right size. They come in small, medium, and, large so I suggest buying at least two sizes and evaluating them. If you know you have a Latex allergy then purchase a plastic one. Unless and until you know the person better do not purchase a natural one because these do not protect you from STDs.

* Place a dab of lubricant on the Glans only of your penis before rolling it on. This will give it more "wiggle room" and help transfer more friction.[/COLOR]

I feel like buying spermicidal lube is the ULTIMATE mood killer. "Oh hey, before we have sex, let me just take out my handy dandy spermicide that I carry around me.!" Nothing says I'm overprepared like carrying around spermacide just in case it actually happens.
[COLOR="Blue">
You do have much to learn and wrap your brain around. First, it is her responsibility to apply it; however, my ex-wife used to use a diaphragm and we'd incorporate adding the jell and inserting it into our sex play. She would apply the spermicide and I would usually insert it. What fun, not a mood breaker at all unless you look at it negatively. How is this any different than taking a moment to roll a condom on? Incorporate one or both activities into your sex play. Ask her to roll the condom on and see what she does along the way! There are several different types of spermicide, some of which can be used up to an hour before getting to actual intercourse (make that 3/4 hours to be safe.) Do a Google search on the topic. Here, I'll do it for you:[/COLOR]

http://www.mjbovo.com/Contracept/Sperma-Types.htm

Is it also a mood killer to ask if she takes birth control?

Why? You should have the answers prior to having sex whether intercourse is planned or not. If this is to be a lusty activity spur of the moment or not, you better use a condom and put a bit of spermicide in the reservoir tip just in case you do not ask before things become heated. Asking the question demonstrates to her that you are concerned about the future.

How do I best do it in the car?

Geez! I'm dating myself. I thought making out in the car went out when cars became smaller than the "boats" of the sixties and seventies. Answer: the back seat. If a pickup, a (air) mattress in the bed. If a van....somewhere behind the front seats.

If we have never done anything else besides kiss, how long should I wait before anything below the belt happens? Give me an actual time not "depends how the situation is going." Like give me an average time. 5 minutes? 1 hour?

[COLOR="Blue">No less than half an hour, 3/4s is better, and, it does depend how the situation is going. Here, please read this:

Chapter Three:[/COLOR]
INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS / and the gentle art of Making Out, FIRST
[COLOR="Blue">
Please scroll down and read this chapter, first, then return to the top and read Chapter One and the rest.[/COLOR]

How the hell do you unhook a bra?
[COLOR="Blue">
That depends upon how it is constructed. Some unfasten in the front, most from behind. Many have one or more "eye-hooks" that will separate by pulling the two halves of the back strap toward each other then separating the two. This is not a big deal. Actually it is one of life's great experiences to fumble with a bra the first time or two. Not to worry. She will probably snicker (why I do not know) and help you out of this situation by taking matters into her own hands.[/COLOR]

What do you talk about during sex?

[COLOR="Blue">Well, I have no clue since you do not seem to be too concerned about the meaninfullness of the relationship. The weather? [/COLOR]

What do I do if and when I finish in 24 seconds? I have pretty good control of knowing when I am going to finish, so would you recommend stopping and changing positions or doing non intercourse stuff for a little while, and then going back? Do you know what I mean?
[COLOR="Blue">
Wait for between 10 minutes and half an hour for whatever time it takes you to pass through the refractory period and be able to have another climax. Laugh off the premature climax and continue to make out and help her to have as many orgasms as she desires during this time. Just because a guy climaxes before he wants to does NOT mean that love making has to end. A woman is often capable of have many more orgasms than a man and her refractory period is much less--being moments to just a few minutes. Continue to make out for as long as it suits the two of you.[/COLOR]

Do all girls moan when they have sex and are enjoying it?

[COLOR="Blue">Some do some do not. This depends upon how she is "wired", how she feels in the moment, how inhibited she is, if others are nearby, etc., et cetera, etc.[/COLOR]

If shes not moaning, does that mean I suck? Is there any way to know if she had an orgasm without her telling me?

[COLOR="Blue">Once again, you should have read all or most of the articles listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen. I recommend you devote some time to reading these, they were written to answer your very good questions.

The answer is that she should give you that indication verbally or non-verbally. Will she? Depends upon whether she read the Index, also. There is no sure way to know unless she volunteers the answer by word or body language, or you ask.[/COLOR]

What the hell do you talk about after sex?

[COLOR="Blue">Asked and answered.

I'll let a woman answer this.[/COLOR]

Ill think of more later.[/QUOTE]

You have asked some very good questions. I look forward to hearing what else is of concern. In the meantime, please do read the articles listed in the Index, beginning with this one:

I'm Ready for SEX! (or am I?) I really want to do it.

Amen, Brandye.

What the hell are you doing thinking you're going to have sex with a girl you barely talk to? What, are you going to use her and lose her?

OK that's harsh. But seriously. Get a grip and some common sense.

I have the best idea of all. If you hardly talk to her, get it out of your mind that it is gonna happen, cuz I am guessing you are just hoping that it happens. And if the chance arises, don't let it happen. Get to know her a lil better first. That will make you tons better at it. Learn what kind of touches turn her on ect, before you go that far. If you learn that, and touch her properly from what you have learned, you will be great at it.

int, remember, she could be going to use him and lose him. And I remember from HS a few other harsh things that girls did to guys like him. I don't know how old flames is, but it makes me wonder if it is HS.

> Doc, thanks a lot.

You're welcome.

> I guess it doesn't seem like I read the stickies, but I did. A few more than once. The reality is though the stickies are pretty much like "it depends", etc. I want concrete answers, even though I know its impossible for you to give them to me.

That depends on what is being discussed, many issues are rather emphatic.

> A few suggested that I should get sex out of my head cause its not gonna happen because I don't know her very well. Well, shes on the slutty side and im on the horny side, so touche.

Well, now that we know a bit more about the two of you, it may or may not happen. If she is lusting after good ol' sex, it very well might. On the other hand, if she has more serious notions on her mind it very well might not. The reason except for the qualification above, is that women generally are more romantically inclined and if this is her mindset sex for sex sake is a different prerequisite than it is for most guys. This is why we are saying your expectations may be unrealistic. Guys are able to separate love and sex much easier than women.

> If a girl can give some insight that would be great. Is it a mood killer to ask if you are on birth control?

You have my rationale. Each of you should be looking out for #1 and not relying upon or trusting the other.

> Also, doc, the reason spermacide is different from a condom is a condom is much more accepted as normal in society. Spermacide I don't think is.

What does society have to do with protecting the twists and turns of your future? Brandye and I and others regularly urge couples to double or triple up on contraceptives and not just use one type. Teens should especially triple up. This is not about what is the "accepted norm", it is about minimizing the very real chance that a woman can become pregnant despite the relatively low(er) odds.

> I have never heard of it until I came to these forums.

Spermicide foam has been around for many decades.

> And while I am very aware spermacide is VERY helpful, it could possibly send a weird message if I wipped it out.

How so? This is your logic being illogical.

[QUOTE=flames068;220965]Past high school. But I haven't seen her since high school.

Doc, thanks a lot. I guess it doesn't seem like I read the stickies, but I did. A few more than once. The reality is though the stickies are pretty much like "it depends", etc. I want concrete answers, even though I know its impossible for you to give them to me. :D

A few suggested that I should get sex out of my head cause its not gonna happen because I don't know her very well. Well, shes on the slutty side and im on the horny side, so touche;)

If a girl can give some insight that would be great. Is it a mood killer to ask if you are on birth control?

Also, doc, the reason spermacide is different from a condom is a condom is much more accepted as normal in society. Spermacide I don't think is. I have never heard of it until I came to these forums. And while I am very aware spermacide is VERY helpful, it could possibly send a weird message if I wipped it out.[/QUOTE]

It depends because it does. Be as knowledgeable as you can, but know that for every woman, and even every time with the same woman, the timing and progression of sex is different. This is a very, very good thing.

Spermicide has been around for ages and is extremely common and readily available, even in Wal-Mart aisles. It's quite a bit of a worse message to know how helpful something is and knowingly ignore it because you're scared of what she'll think. Sex is infinitely better worry free knowing you've done all you could to prevent a child when not ready for one. Worrying about that sucks immensely if there's an accident or you don't use everything available.

You are hoping to 'get lucky' with someone you don't really know, and are entirely too insecure to confidently discuss potential lifetime altering actions prior to the act. That's not a good combination.

Just straight up ask her if she is on bc. I mean is this a sure thing for you, or do you figure your going to make a move and its going to go straight their.

When it comes to the other stuff, its a no brainer. For the bra, grab both ends, pull them towards each other and they'll pretty much come unclasped. Its kinda like the clip you have on a pair of Dickies shorts. Its like a metal clasp. Eventually you will be able to do it with one hand ;)

Sex in the car is tricky. And why risk getting caught by the cops when you could do it in your bedroom and be tied up to the bedframe and let her use you to get the pleasure you want? I mean it lets you relax and enjoy, then she just basically gets to have her way with you and satisfy all of her primal urges.

[QUOTE=Ducy;220992]For the bra, grab both ends, pull them towards each other and they'll pretty much come unclasped. Its kinda like the clip you have on a pair of Dickies shorts. Its like a metal clasp. [/QUOTE]

Duc, I believe the technical term you're looking for is 'hook and eye' ;)

[QUOTE=flames068;220950]I have no idea what im doing. And shes been having sex for a few years now. Am I screwed or what?
Let me see if I can think of all the questions I have:

As far as condoms go, should I look for one that is thicker, to hopefully make me last longer? I honestly don't care about feel at this point.

I feel like buying spermicidal lube is the ULTIMATE mood killer. "Oh hey, before we have sex, let me just take out my handy dandy spermicide that I carry around me.!" Nothing says I'm overprepared like carrying around spermacide just in case it actually happens.

Is it also a mood killer to ask if she takes birth control?

How do I best do it in the car?

If we have never done anything else besides kiss, how long should I wait before anything below the belt happens? Give me an actual time not "depends how the situation is going." Like give me an average time. 5 minutes? 1 hour?

How the hell do you unhook a bra?

What do you talk about during sex?

What do I do if and when I finish in 24 seconds? I have pretty good control of knowing when I am going to finish, so would you recommend stopping and changing positions or doing non intercourse stuff for a little while, and then going back? Do you know what I mean?

Do all girls moan when they have sex and are enjoying it? If shes not moaning, does that mean I suck? Is there any way to know if she had an orgasm without her telling me?

What the hell do you talk about after sex?
Ill think of more later.[/QUOTE]

Good luck....

1. buy the condom that FITS
2. use the lube anyway - it isn't a mood killer - a quick squeeze of lube and then off you go
3. it is a mood killer if she ISN'T on her bcps - ASK!
4. sit in the back seat and have her straddle while facing you - or experiment a bit
5. Kiss her lips, then her face, then her neck slide your hands under shirt and unhook bra, both hands, while still kissing her etc. etc. one motion floiwing into the next - taking your time about it all
6. just make appreciative noises
7. wait a bit and then begin again - do it as many times as you both want to
8. some women do and some do not - just pay attention
9. "You are such a wonderful lover" - etc. etc. and give her big hugs!!

or just follow her lead!

I am only 13 and im not sure if this the right age to be in this page but I have many questions should I be in this page ?