If you have not discussed this yet, it is almost too late. She can tell you her fears and you, yours. Then you know what to be careful for.

I'm surprised you're waiting until your wedding night. Even in the past when people were much more conservative, it was acceptable to have sex once the proposal was accepted, because it was assumed the marriage would take place. Weddings are tiring, stressful events - my husband and I didn't even have sex on our wedding night because we were both so tired from the drinking, dancing, eating, etc. (we had done the deed plenty of times before, though!). I worry that if you build it up too much in your mind, combined with the less-than-ideal circumstances of the event, you may be setting yourself up for a let down. Basically I'm saying you should relax - it's just sex! People have been doing it for thousands of years.

If you will both be virgins on your wedding night, I'd strongly suggest keeping it pretty basic. My recommendation would be to buy a bottle of lube and go with the flow on your wedding night. Part of the fun of having sex is learning what you like together.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. If you click on the site's Home page you will find even more information.

> I've read through the stickys and found some neat information. However, I do have a couple of questions.

Thank you for taking the time to peruse the many Sticky Posts. If you have not read thru the Index I recommend doing so because you may find some articles you missed. (Check and double check!)

> Since we are both virgins, is there anything we need to be aware/careful of?

* Please read the article discussing first time intercourse.

* Next, do not expect that all will go well the first time or two. Intercourse and to a lesser extent, making out, are learned experiences that take time and practice. Just like learning to ride a bicycle, expect that there will be some fumbling and bumbling the first few times.

I everybody in every new dance class not to go to a dance to "dance"; rather, go to a dance to "practice". The mind set is to go, have fun without the stress of having to "perform perfectly" and learn. If people go to "dance" the inference is that they have to "perform" and guys especially knowing that they have yet to acquire great skill will more often than not sit out the evening. So, consider your honeymoon as both Act 2 of the wedding, and, a learning experience. Enjoy it, foibles and all and do not set lofty expectations.

> Do you have any advice/tips to make it as comfortable and as least awkward as possible.

As discussed, plan on using the Woman Superior or Cowgirl position. The reasons for this are explained.

> Also, should I try to talk to her about the "big night" and how she feels or just let it flow naturally?

In a word: Absolutely, positively, indubitably--yes! Making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other in partnership. A partnership requires communication and feedback. Feedback, verbal and non-verbal. These three are all discussed in at least one of the articles, and while the discussion pertains to sex, the BIG picture means they pertain to all aspects of your relationship.

As an aside to this discussion yet no less important, I recommend that the two of you read the article about living together. There will be a lot for the two of you to think about and discuss with each other.

So, do discuss the Big night way before it comes to be and learn about her ideas, expectations, fears, and she yours. Tell each other what you want, and give each other reassurance.

> > I'm surprised you're waiting until your wedding night. Even in the past when people were much more conservative, it was acceptable to have sex once the proposal was accepted, because it was assumed the marriage would take place. Weddings are tiring, stressful events - my husband and I didn't even have sex on our wedding night because we were both so tired from the drinking, dancing, eating, etc. (we had done the deed plenty of times before, though!). I worry that if you build it up too much in your mind, combined with the less-than-ideal circumstances of the event, you may be setting yourself up for a let down. Basically I'm saying you should relax - it's just sex! People have been doing it for thousands of years.

You bring up good points. Years ago a cousin of mine and her new husband went to a motel after the wedding the night before leaving on their honeymoon, and as they hopped on the bid it collapsed!

Nowhere is it written that the wedding must be consummated on the night of the wedding. In fact it makes more sense often times to wait until the following morning when the two of you are refreshed and relaxed. Spend the first night just kissing and cuddling.

I am pleasantly surprised, although not unexpectedly so, that you and others do in fact wait until after becoming married to do Part 2 of the ceremony. In none of the replies above has anyone talked about that four letter word: "LOVE". If you are thinking about sex in terms of satisfying an "itch" and simply getting your rocks off, then you better have another think coming. Making love is that and so much more.

* Making love is the outward expression of the love a couple shares.
* Making love is the expression and reaffirmation of the love a couple shares.

As also explained in one of the articles, as great as intercourse is, it is not as physically intense as a great hand job combined with oral stimulation. Why? Because intercourse connects a man and a woman together for however long and joins the psyches. We come together as "one".

I am on record as having expressed more than once that first intercourse comes with something very very special. It happens only after having said "I do", and not nearly so much any other time-- no matter how many "first times" there may be in future years.

* So, I applaud the two of you and others who may be reading this thread and planning the same course. Waiting and having intercourse that first time having just committed to one another is very special. First time sex any other time may be nice, but not to the degree this will be because there is not commitment made, no deep love, and chances are pretty good--no connection of the two psyches. This happens only once. Other first times within the bounds of marriages will be less intense.

Lastly, do purchase a bottle of Astroglide or other lubricant. Use it, even if both of you are very moist. Liberally apply some to your penis before attempting intercourse.

If your fiancee has an intact or partially intact hymen, then do not be overly concerned if it takes some effort to get past it. If this does not happen the first time or two of trying, try again another time.

* Do you know what the condition of her hymen is? If not, this is another important reason to be talking and learning about each other.

* Do you know if she has made the transition into an orgasmic woman? I mean, do you know if she masturbates and can enjoy orgasms? If you do not, why not. Yet one more reason to be talking!

Very often women expect their man to bring them to the brink of an orgasm and beyond. Wrong! Very often men believe it is their task in life to cause this to happen. Wrong!!

Learn why by reading the articles.

I hope this has been of help. Got questions?

-doc

You should read most if not ALL of the sticky posts in this site actually - to get SOME of the education that you missed.

Also, she should be seeing her gynecologist BEFORE getting married for a thorough check-up and discussion session.

Sorry, Doc. but I found your paragraph about psyches very 'confused'. Perhaps you can make it clearer? If you meant to say that the reason the first sex between husband and wife is special because the two have committed to spending the rest of thei lives together (and no, they are not "as one" and shouldn't be, I'll explain why later) then you're right. But if you meant to say that sex is never special or even never AS special without that commitment, then I have to disagree with you. Different does not mean 'not special'.

Now then - to explain why the two do not and should not become one.

Basicly - becoming one takes all of the fun OUT of the marriage. Look here, you never know another person - not entirely - and since both people in this marriage will change over time as life and circumstances take their toll - well, it gives you something MORE to explore as two persons trying to work as a team. This 'not knowing' also give you an incentive to keep paying attention as more subtle nuances emerge. More excitement, more interest, more opportunities to grow even closer together - of course you two do not want to 'become one'!! If she were just like you and you just like her - how BORING!!

Congratuations upon your upcoming marriage and may you be as happy as my husband and I.