Ok well me and my boyfriend have been goping out for 6 months and we tryed sex one time. We didnt really like it and havnt done it in a while. Then we tryed it agian and he loves sex but he keeps having these bad feelings. he told me the feelings he gets is like he doesnt love me and he only feels these for about a min. So me and him have stopped any sex at all or activitys like that and we have sit down and talked about it many times. He clams he loves me and he shows it because he has been the most sweetest thing ever to me. Has this ever happend to anyone because i need answers something else besides that he doesnt love me. I know he loves me because he gets mad when we dont see each other and hes always doing something for me nd its awesome. So i sure he loves me and its got to be somehting else help plz :(
Wed, 08/16/2006 - 07:20
#1
We had sex and my bf feels like he doesnt love me
There is a HUGE difference between loving someone and being in love.
He may love you with more intensity than just liking you and not be "in love".
It is nice that he is concerned about you and does nice things for you; however, this is not an indication of being in love.
You are right to curtail the sexual and romantic activity--unless all you are interested in are the good feelings and the release of stress. This then just becomes casual sex, w/o strings, certainly different than the sex we have that is an outward expression of the love a couple has for one another.
Well he also wnt and looked at sites for love and he said he feels everyway about me. Its on this list and he said he feels like that everyday and nothing has ever changed. its just those few seconds and well just 5 min ago he told me he found out that the reason he thought he didnt love me is because he didnt love himself and now hes all happy but i dont think thats the way.
This may be one example of the negative affects of the information explosion on the Internet.
You don't define love or a relationship based on what Internet sites say... and one of the real hazards of easy information is that you surf sites and conclude "Oh! That's what I have!"
There are so many reasons for feelings... you can't categorize and self-diagnosis is usually way off the mark. It could be, for example, that you both had some false expectation about how you'd feel if you had sex.
It's reasonably apparent that you both have a lot to learn about love... some of the things you cite as "proof" of his love are anything but. There is no test you can take. There is no list of things that will confirm love exists. You can't prove it to yourself and you can't prove it to someone else.
Part of the answer is to figure out the question... and why the question is important. Fleeting moments of doubt aren't really worth a big effort.