ok last night i was really drunk, (no excuse i know) i was chatting to my best friends boyfriend via text message, and it got quite naughty and we started talking about lots of things we should have, and then we got into a really bad situation where we were tellin each other what we would do to each other (if you catch my drift) so we practicaly had text sex if that even exsists.
the thing i am most worried about is would that be classed as cheating on my boyfriend, and him with his girlfriend, or was it just a mere sharing of fanticy, after all fantisies are fine as long as we dont act upon them? but in a way we sort of were and wern't acting upon them and this has lead me ver confused.
i deleted thoughs after a while anyway they were starting to loose thier effects, but it's all ok now i've finally got rid of texty boy, i sadly had to do it in a sad manipulative way but now it's all forgotten and my boyfriend is none the wiser, although i think i may tell him, making sure he's knows it ment nothing, and then i can keep a clear consence aswell.
ok so i wont tell him, i guess it's not that bad i saw him earlyer and it was like nothing ever happened.
I will tell you the same evil has...keep your mouth shut! You want to tell your bf to "ease' your feelings of guilt; this, causing him upset in return? When someone cheats on another & are married some feel guilty about their actions, want to tell their spouse (even though it over) and through easing their mind they inflict unnecessary pain on the other just to make themselves feel better.
What is the benefit to telling him? To make you feel better and to ease your mind? SKIP IT. Text? come one, this is no big deal, it's random play, nothing real. If you are having sexual feelings for other's then a monogamous relationship (exclusive relationship) is NOT what you are ready for.
So you had a few drinks? That just lowers your inhibitions, you are doing things which you do wish to do...
You were sharing fantasies - nothing more.
Trust me on this - if there's nothing going on, then he has no need to know. End it and forget it.
well whatever it's all over now, and trust me i did have to be manipulative because recieving a text every 2 seconds with the same requests was really starting to piss me off and it didnt matter what i said he wouldn't stop, so i just told him that if he didn't stop i would tell his girlfriend just what he has been telling me so he backed off automaticly, i'm just glad it worked so i can get back on with my life, weather i do tell my boyfriend i am still debating in my head.
BAD IDEA - keep your mouth SHUT! Do NOT tell your boyfriend to ease your conscience. Grown-ups bear their own guilt - but in this case I think you're being excessive about that as well. What are you? 13? So you did a spot of cyber/text sex. BFD. Let it go.
And no you did not have to be manipulative to get rid of him - just stop responding to him period. Say thanks but no thanks and goodbye. End. Done. Finished.
Listen you both are not married. Do not worry about it. You share some interesting words end of story. Your business, no one else's. Don't go putting guilt where it not need be...
but i feel like i'm being so dishonest and slutty.
[quote=lustforlove;188820]but i feel like i'm being so dishonest and slutty.[/quote]
Those are feelings you have to overcome. Did you take your clothes off and sleep with him? NO. Leave it ALONE! Trust me there is nothing to be gained by beating yourself up over it. And even if you did, you are not married to this man.
If you feel that you did wrong then maybe you did do wrong. Every person's ethical standards differ. I personally don't think you did anything seriously wrong.
Just make sure you delete all those dirty texts!
oh god yeah i have done i'm not going to risk having them found
another thing is, this seems to be carrying on, is it just me or is this not a good idea at all? the thing is i dont know how to break it off with this guy because i dont want to have any reason for my boyfriend to get hurt, and i want to stop it before he has a chance to find out, but this guy just wont leave me alone, and i know this guy is just a complete peice of s**t because he has a girlfriend and he's still trying to fool around with me, and if she finds out i will loose one of the best friends i've ever had, how do i just get rid?
Well, that's quite a mess you've created for yourself. Good luck with getting out of that one unscathed...
It's time for you to reset the boundaries with this guy. Like it or not you're just as responsible as he is for what he's doing. It sounds like you're probably going to have to face up with what you did to both your friend and your boyfriend at some point.
i'm just going to tell himto leave me alone now, because it is starting to get quite messy and i dont want to end up getting to the stage where he is asking me for the real thing and not just a discription of what i could do, this is actaully starting to drive me crazy, it was just a fun one off to start with and now the thought of it is starting to make my skin crawl.
This might be a good time to get rid of the home made porno tapes you both made (you & your boyfriend).
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;188970]You were sharing fantasies - nothing more.
Trust me on this - if there's nothing going on, then he has no need to know. End it and forget it.[/QUOTE]
There in my opinion doesn't need to be any further though beyond this statement.
You cybered, you didn't make contact, in my opinion it's no better than day dreaming about another guy, should it matter? No. So there is no reason to care about this, you made no physical contact with this guy, it's done and over with. If you really feel you need to tell him the don't tell him the way you plan on it. My girlfriend used to cyber all the time for excitement, the way she told me was "hey baby want to join this hot cyber session." I laughed it off and don't care what she does as long as she never touches another guy the way she does me.
Well, I'm not going to give you any advice to dispute what you've already been told, but I have a feeling that your friend and your boyfriend will find out about this eventually, especially if that guy keeps at it (and you can't say that he's stopped - it's been like, what, a whole DAY?). I personally don't think it's a big deal, but it's probably enough to ruin a teenage relationship. You never said how old you were? 13? 15? At these ages, I'd wage my bets that both relationships would be over if anyone ever found out. All of their feelings are exaggerated when they're that young...
I disagree with what was said somewhat though - telling him rather than letting him find out would probably decrease the damage a little, though I'm not telling you to do that.
And as far as people who cheat on their significant others, I completely disagree that telling them is wrong. Just to relieve the guilt and make themselves feel better? I don't think so. They SHOULD be told. It might hurt but it's better than being lied to. At least they'll be able to choose whether or not they feel like being cheated on, and it gives them a chance to leave a bad relationship.
i am 16 actaully, dear i've just realised i'm far too young to be worrying about any of this, ah F**K IT! can't be bothered anymore if my boyfriend finds out and finishes with me so be it plenty more fish in the sea.
Amen. Life will go on, if you're having this many insecurities already in the relationship good chances are it won't work, so just live life!
According to Dr. Janis Spring. who does infidelity counseling - to tell or not to tell depends upon one question only "will it harm the injured party"? If the answer is yes, then bear your own guilt and keep your mouth shut. An example would be the insecure wife/husband who would be devastated if they knew - don't tell. Please read her book: After the Affair for more info.
[quote=EvilEvilKitten;189045]According to Dr. Janis Spring. who does infidelity counseling - to tell or not to tell depends upon one question only "will it harm the injured party"? If the answer is yes, then bear your own guilt and keep your mouth shut. An example would be the insecure wife/husband who would be devastated if they knew - don't tell. Please read her book: After the Affair for more info.[/quote]
So true! If my ex told me when he "ended" an affair...I'd be wondering why...go confess to the Priest. If it was ongoing & not going to end (as it did), then yes he should have told me. But if he ended it and told me why devastate me over your actions???
well then i know for sure i wont be telling him, and i doubt there is any way he can find out now, because nobody who has any idea about it knows him and i'm not goi ng to tell him, i'm just going to forget this and get on with it.
Well I definitely disagree with Janis Spring. I'd want to know if my husband cheated on me... but in this situation there's not much to tell so why tell? I would just tell your best friends bf that what happened meant nothing and he needs to stop bothering you, that you value your friendship a lot more than him.
Browneyed, that's you but not all wives do want to know. Really. It is an interesting book.
Now if only my husband would play!
*sigh*
[QUOTE=lustforlove;188863]i'm just going to tell himto leave me alone now, because it is starting to get quite messy and i dont want to end up getting to the stage where he is asking me for the real thing and not just a discription of what i could do, this is actaully starting to drive me crazy, it was just a fun one off to start with and now the thought of it is starting to make my skin crawl.[/QUOTE]
that will work or you can have a little fun with it like fu$k off $hit fu&k and you should go play hide and go fu@k yourself
thats what i would say... but im a guy:rolleyes: