I was kind of wondering if when others first started out it felt like they were being pressured into it. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now and we've gotten into heavy petting and such... but he wants to go further. I don't know... my body seems to want to yet I'm somewhat scared. We haven't even taken our clothes off or anything most couples i have heard of have done in the span of our relationship. I dont' know... I guess i'm just confused and wondering if this happened to anyone else. If so could you please tell me about how you over came it or give some advice on how to deal with it.
Fri, 04/07/2006 - 08:35
#1
wanting yet not
im guessing (please correct if imwrong) that you are atleast 18 (since you are into a 4 year old relationship, this sounds valid.)
im pretty sure most people get a little nervous/scared when its their first time doing anything. first time ever for someone to see you naked, other than you and then your parents when you were very very little.
its been 4 years, and i dont blame the guy for wanting to go a bit further.
it sounds like he has been patient (maybe?) and not wanted to go further sooner, which i guess is ok.
to finish, i suggest you take it easy. go from heavy petting to foreplay if you will...dont jump between the sheets right away if you are nervous...get used to being naked infront of him (and other people in general) and having him fool around more, and you fooling around with him more...
take baby steps.
Most couples still wait until the second act of the marriage ceremony to have sex, which is the silent majority. All we seem to hear from and about are the small percent who begin exploring and experimenting during the teen years and when an older single. We've discussed this before and I remember correctly, Brandye had other statistics. Regardless of the numbers, saving yourself until marriage is not a bad or unpopular position to adopt.
i was pressured into it with my first bf and i regreted everything i did. with my second he waited until i was compleatly ready and confortable. and it was the best and i have no regrets. my suggestion is try keeping clothes on and touching under. slip your hands under his shirt and rub him until you are confortable then move to his pants and allow him to do the same then when you are fine with him touching you and you touching him you can take his shirt off and yours and leave your bra on until you are fine with it. eventualy you will get there. there is no need to rush and enjoy every day will fun new and exciting.
First thing you have to ask yourself is this the guy for you? Obviously you've been together for 4 years you probably think so. Do you see a strong future--marriage, children, etc?
After 4 years I can't really blame the guy either, but if you're not comfortable with it, you should not allow him to pressure you into it. Period.
It's also natural to be scared. I backed out at least twice with my boyfriend when I thought I was ready. When we finally did "try" something I was a lot more confident.
Champloo's right though by the idea of taking it slow.
If you actually want to go further there is no need to jump straight into sex, and he may even be fine, after 4 years, with trying new things. Master being seen in front of each other, and foreplay before going further. You don't ever want to regret anything so make sure you're completely 100% comfortable before you two do have intercourse.
And do talk about these things. Make sure the two of you are on the same page so one of you doesn't start doing something and the other gets nervous because that wasn't part of the plan.
Good luck!
In Chick Chat, you will find a thread, "Am I Ready." It does not matter your age, the same considerations apply.
Yes, Doc is right and I disagree with the statistics, not the idea that of waiting. Typically, women begin completed sex between their 18th and 20th birthdays. As the age of marriage is increasing (average is now over 25), this figure is holding steady. Every woman makes her own decision and should not be pressured into it.
everyone is nervous there first time u have to look deep in side yourself and decide are u really ready to take this step if u haven't seen each other naked yet maybe u should start there and wait awhile before moving from there.
like champ said take baby steps