I'm 18 almost 19, average looking and pretty interesting, and quite popular. But have never gotten laid.
I was always shy up until about age 16/17 but I've learned to overcome that. Problem is I could have sex with a lot of girls but I want to have my first time with someone else who is also sharing their first time with me.
Actually that's not the problem, the problem is that since I overcame shyness 99.9% of girls older than 16 (who are decently actractive and also willing to have sex and not saving themselves) have already given up their virginities.
I honestly think I'd be unable to love someone who isn't a virgin, but is it really wrong to have sex with someone I don't love if it's only once, and for purposes of sanity? [on a side note my mom said she'd go to Vegas with me for my 19th birthday and buy me a hooker if I was still a virgin, I don't think I'd do that, but mabye if I was turning 20 I would] I've heard of a couple girls who've heard of my situation who would REALLY like a virgin guy. (is that normal for a girl?)
I've heard all the "you're normal at age 18" and "just wait for someone you love" and the "wait until you're ready" lines. I've been ready for years. (<----notice period)
So any suggestions. Should I just go out to the mall tomorrow and pick up some phone#s (not a problem)? Or should I continue frustrating myself and wait for someone who doesn't seem to be there?
[quote=Miroslaw86,Feb. 20 2005,22:36][/quote]
I did not read what the others have posted.
but here are my thoughts
How hard have you looked for that virgin and how hard have you worked at making yourself a man a virgin would want?
[QUOTE=Quote ]
I honestly think I'd be unable to love someone who isn't a virgin,[/QUOTE]
Why is there such a rush to lose your virginity as a late teen?
There are virgins out there who are in their 20's and in their 30's.
[QUOTE=Quote ]but is it really wrong to have sex with someone I don't love if it's only once, and for purposes of sanity? [/QUOTE]
I would say, frustrated sir, that there are other ways to relieve the tension within your body that you think is driving you to insanity if it is important to you to keep your virginity and find a virgin as well.
Is it wrong to use another person for your own gratification?
Is is wrong if you both want it and know its not love but release?
I thnk you will have to answer that yourself.
Each person must stay true to his own convictions. Don't make excuses to justify something you do not want to do because any one of us say it is or is not ok.
[QUOTE=Quote ] I've heard of a couple girls who've heard of my situation who would REALLY like a virgin guy. (is that normal for a girl?)[/QUOTE]
Sure, and maybe for the same reasons you want a virgin.
You'd need to find out why.
My honest suggestion is that you wait and find the emotional motivation behind your frustration and stay true to your convictions. Character is built not when things are easy to do but when the path is difficult and arduous. A man with great character is a fine catch indeed and one any virgin would give herself to knowing.
A man who can discipline his emotions is truely master of his life.
Oooh, that was cold. lol.
Nice one.
*claps for you*
I think he's been pumelled in to the ground enough now?
Well see I have this really crazy idea...
I'm thinking you meet a nice girl and talk to her, perhaps go out on some date and get to know HER. Take her out, have fun together and then if the time is right have sex.
Because it sure does sound to me like you want to meet a virgin at the mall, take her home and "have your special moment" together and then be done. Well unfortunately that would make her "unclean" for the love of her life and a person like you would then "hate" her for already having sex with some other guy that sweet talked her into giving it up to them.
And hmmm, did you ever think you're looking for girls who are maybe a bit out of your league? You know a "slut" would sleep with anyone, so why not you? But a bitch will sleep with everyone but YOU.
Not everyone who has lost their virginity at your age is a slut and I wish you would open your closed little mind about it. There are plenty of sweet talking guys out there trying to get in girls' pants. There are also a lot of our misguided youth out there that believe a guy will only like them and want to date them if they put out. And sometimes that is true. I've known guys to date a nice "clean" virgin because he wants to marry that kind of girl, but screw every girl he could get his hands on to fulfill his NEED.
And gosh, that sure does sound like something you'll eventually aspire to.
Oh, and I lost my virginity at 19 to my soon to be husband. But now I'm divorced and living with my boyfriend (marriage broke up for other reasons). So I'm a slut, I guess now, since I was with other men. Good thing my boyfriend was not so closed minded, but then I guess he didn't have problems getting laid as a teen. Maybe that makes him a little less bitter and angry.
Weird topic.. LOL!
I was a virgin till I was 24, am 34 and have been with 4 people in my life.. whats it matter if yiu have a virgin or not.. seems kinda shallow to me. A bitch can be a virgin or a non virgin. Mayeb you should start looking for the quallity in a person rahter than if their hymen has been broken... geez...
That's very phylosophical Tease. Sorry if it can't last though. I am into happy endings!
Things happen when you're not looking for them as well.
All I ever attracted when I was looking was creepy psychotic stalkery weirdos (and I of course mean that in the nicest way possible). I stopped looking and someone came along who I care for very much. I'd love to have him for a while, but I know that's not possible, so at least I've made a good friend out of it.
Iam, it's great you have found such a good match. I love it when people sound do happy... brightens me up!
I told you what we look for. Several of us told you what we look for. Try reading things again.
Well, i am not a woman, but surely we all want to be liked for just being nice people that somehow have found a special connection with someone?
I have never been able to decde in advance what i want and then go looking. In reality, the people I have genuinely connected with have often been a total suprise. Everyone is unique. Very few people want to be catagorised.
If you go into life open minded you will find doors open for you.
ok thanks, but putting aside the fact that you're pissed off at me, what DO you look for? All I got was a bunch of don'ts and I'm still at a loss here.
Women want "nice" guys who don't think women/girls/females that have lost their virginity already are sluts and whores.
And since you want me to be honest, I will once again say that by the way you act on here and stereotype us all on here, I certainly wouldn't want to give my virginity to you if I still had it.
Ever think that perhaps the reason you're still a virgin is not the fact that all women/girls/females are "sluts" but because of the fact that you're just so narrowminded and superficial?
The way you act on here, it just seems like you just want a girl who's a virgin just so you can take someone's virginity so then you can be all "yay! I scored me a virgin. I'm so cool."
So you know, since we're being honest and all, that's the last thing a girl looks for when she wants to lose her virginity.
Before you even ask "what does a girl look for", you really need to take a look at yourself and perhaps, change your act a bit.
And for the record, I wouldn't want you when you were 30.
Oh, and yes, I certainly wouldn't want to be one with someone who thinks they couldn't love or care for someone that wasn't a virgin.
Well I'm 18 and I'm with a nice guy that love me for who I am not how many guys I've slept with. Maybe that's why you're not finding a lot of girls jumping at the chance to take your virginity.
and you haven't yet met her? I personally like to meet people.
Dude guys, drop the Vegas thing, just an example; never was going to happen.
I personally want to know what the whole "I wish I lived in the South" thing is all about.
And second, the reasons you gave and the way you stereotyped us all and heck, just the way you're acting here, certainly wouldn't want me to give you my virginity if I still had it.
Just because you're not this or that or don't do this or that doesn't make you worthy of taking a girl's virginity.
My guy was honored that I chose him (honored was his word, not mine). But I didn't choose him for dumb reasons as he doesn't hit girls (ok, so that's not exactly a dumb reason but that's not my point right now) or he's not a druggie or whatever.
It's important that he wasn't a druggie or wasn't going to abuse me, it is, to a lot of people it is, but we don't choose people to be our firsts just because of that.
[QUOTE=Quote (Miroslaw86 @ Mar. 03 2005,22:41)]"Its ok if she gives it to you tho"?
Absolutly!
Because I'm not some highschool dropout or a druggie and/or drug dealer, nor do I punch girls in the face or mentally/emotionally abuse them, I believe I do deserve something special like a woman's first time.[/QUOTE]
Where do you get this broad view of women/girls in general. I mean this may have happened to a few you know, or whatever but I think for the overall population, this isn't the case.
Some girls maybe lost their V when they were 14 to another young 14 clueless boy. Maybe they lost their V to their first "love" or whatever.... You don't know all the circumstances surrounding these chicks. Just because a girl isn't a virgin, doesn't mean she is a crack whore either.
[QUOTE=Quote ]"Its ok if she gives it to you tho"?
Absolutly!
Because I'm not some highschool dropout or a druggie and/or drug dealer, nor do I punch girls in the face or mentally/emotionally abuse them, I believe I do deserve something special like a woman's first time.[/QUOTE]
What makes you think you deserve it? Just because you consider yourself a good guy?
Well the reasons you are wanting a virgin are very superficial and don't make you worthy of being a girl's first. You just send a lot of mixed signals. You want a girl to be a virgin because "sluts" don't want real relationships but all you're looking to do is just have sex and "trade virginities". Those are just very conflicting ideas.
Thank you 1stTriSexual for making so much sense and for actually being able to understand what I'm talking about (although I think it helps that you are also a guy, my age, and in a similar situation). As for that point about superficial importance, I don't see how I'd convince myself that it's not important. I think wanting this is goal oriented as you say.
"Its ok if she gives it to you tho"?
Absolutly!
Because I'm not some highschool dropout or a druggie and/or drug dealer, nor do I punch girls in the face or mentally/emotionally abuse them, I believe I do deserve something special like a woman's first time.
Thanks for that tip about shy girls, I'll keep that in mind (I hope they actually exist)
I wish I lived in the South.
Thanks to Everyone again.
I think we can nip this little problem in the bud.
Two of my friend got married in december, and the guy was 22 and still a virgin waiting for the girl her truely loved.
and as for the hooker... well, someone who takes money for sex is quite different from your dream of virgin purity!
if something is worth it, its worth waiting for, no matter how long the wait!
Maybe this isn't about if the female is a virgin or not, maybe it's about you and you're poor attitude/ego. If I was a virgin and heard you talking like this about everyone around you, I wouldn't want you either. You need to work on you more and less on looking for some one innocent to label and use.
Virgin or not, you need to check your attitude, towards women out. You'll never get a virgin or non, with that personality and attitude towards women.
i agree with 1st and demon, you shouldn't make being a virgin the basis of any relationship. granted, it's nice when you can give it to someone who's also giving you thiers, but if they're not, then you can't help it. and not being a virgin doesn't change who they are.
Awesome post 1st... I get exactly what you are saying.
Miro Im glad you saw some of my points.
One thing I don't get tho is this part...
[QUOTE=Quote ]I am getting old though and the only problem I see with buttercup's reply is that every day that I wait, more opportunities are lost because every day another girl is just going to throw herself away.[/QUOTE]
Its ok if she gives it to you tho?
1st is absolutely right in that if you are hell bent on finding a virgin you might miss out on a totally awesome girl. She might not be a virgin but doesn't mean she's slept around. She might have only had 1 or 2 relationships and only slept w/ 1 or 2 guys.
Hey Miro I’m sort of in your position: 19, virgin, straight (despite the name). Personally, it doesn’t bother me that I’m still a virgin, I’ve always been more goal oriented and I think there are more important things right now than sex.
You’re argument is kind of confusing because you place a superficial importance on virginity. You value it in that you want a girl who is a virgin, who will not just give it up to anyone. But you want one who would give it up readily to you (who is not waiting till marriage). I’m sure there are plenty of girls like that (3 guys off the top of my head from the board: me, you, and Greendale). But I think you have to put the issue in perspective…
“I honestly think I'd be unable to love someone who isn't a virgin”
If you’re viewing potential partners through the narrow lens of who’s a virgin and who’s not, then you’re going to miss a lot of great girls. And you’re eliminating them based on one narrow issue that possibly happened one night 2 years ago between the hours of 12:40 – 12:45.
“…but what if in the unlikely chance Mrs. Special does come along and I not longer have mine to trade, that would be unfair to her.”
I think if Miss Special does come along there would be deeper issues that yall (I’m southern…) bonded over, rather than “trading virginities”. Also, how would you know if she was Miss Special if you have never known what its like to have an emotional, intimate bond with another girl?
But if you’re just completely bent on the idea of being with a virgin (who’s not saving herself for marriage), you could examine why other people are still virgins and look for those qualities in women. You said you were shy, so look for the shy girls. Maybe you could help her get out of that stage and be her Mr. Right.
Oh yeah, don't dwell on the hooker thing. My mom was actually serious about that but like I said before I'm not going to let that be an option. No way, that's rediculous. I do thank her for her concern and her offer to help, even though it's incredibly far-fetched. So yeah, that's not going to happen.
Are you implying that I CAN'T hookup with any of these girls, that's the origional point here. I could, but I don't really want to, although I might have to in the end. I do side with butercup though in that I have had plenty of opportunities and I'm not in the "wait 'til marriage" mindset, and that I shouldn't put a time frame on it. I am getting old though and the only problem I see with buttercup's reply is that every day that I wait, more opportunities are lost because every day another girl is just going to throw herself away.
I agree w/ secretly.
If this is something you totally want to happen, then don't stress and put a time limit on it.
If you do, then chances are, it won't happen and you'll end up w/ the "slut" your mom bought you.
I mean if this is something you are truely passionate about and want, then I don't see why you want to throw it all away at 19, just because it sounds like a good number.
I mean why 19? why any number? why does it matter?
I was a virgin until I was 23. Yeah I had a few opportunities I guess, that I could have just "gotten it over w/". And I wasn't really in the mindset "oh Im gonna wait till marriage". It was just, more of, "Ill wait till I find someone that I at least really care about".
It took me awhile to find that person, but it all worked out in the end
If you really truely want your first sexual experience to be with another virgin, then just wait! there are virgins out there of all sorts of ages, and if u want something enough then give it time and it will happen
[QUOTE=Quote ]Should my feelings matter on wether or not I'd like someone "clean" [/QUOTE]
So are you saying an experienced girl isn't "clean"? As long as you're having safe sex then no matter how experienced you are you're still clean. And no. Sexual experience shouldn't alter your feelings for someone. You should love them for who they are. Leave the past in the past.
You're putting girls into very bad stereotypes. It sounds like you're saying that only inexperienced "innocent" girls are the ones that want relationships. And your loose using of the terms slut and whore are not going to get you anywhere. If like you say at 19, all bets are off, are you just going to go up to some girl and say well i'm going to let you take my virginity even though you're a slut and you've been around a couple blocks.
[QUOTE=Quote ]Where are all the people in the same situation as me? [/QUOTE]
Well I'd like to think that there aren't that many. I'd hope that most people don't dwell on their partner's past sexual experiences and just accept them for who they are.
I think you guys are misunderstanding what I'm searching for (however fruitless this may be). I'm searching for an inexperienced girl to have a relationship with, cuddling, intimate hugs and kisses, story-time, etc. Oh yeah, and sex too.
Now I'm really trying to be honest when I say that I'd PREFER not to have used goods, someone who has been around the block (or 2 blocks), a slut, whore, whatever. If it turn out to be impossible, or I turn 19: THEN all bets are off and anything goes. Is this all just some terrible mental conditioning that I have. Should my feelings matter on wether or not I'd like someone "clean" I do feel rather left behind and I'm going nuts.
Where are all the people in the same situation as me? Most of the people who have replied so far are females and are experienced. It would really help if I could get some imput from guys left behind who are also searching for that 1-in-a-million-virgin-girl and having a really hard time with it to help explain how difficult this really is. Opinions from guys who had the same problem going on when they were my age and what their feelings were back then and/or what they did about it are also welcomed. Thank all of you once again (most of you anyway hehe).
p.s. don't be afraid to post.
[QUOTE=Quote ]I'm not too sure "slut" is a helpful term. Different people have different values. It wouldn't be good for us all to be the same. So lets live and let live.[/QUOTE]
Very true Al. I'm sure you've heard me say this before but I just can't stand the word slut. Well that's all I'm going to say about it because I don't want to go off on a tangent here.
Anyway back to the topic, you can't just go around scouting out possible "lays". Especially if you're calling them sluts when in fact what you're looking for is just someone to take your virginity. That's just being a hypocrite.
You think bout this far too much!!!
I tend to go to the mall if i want to buy something myelf.
I am sure its different for everyone, but i try not to go looking for partners. I just live life and inevitably i meet people. I try to be nice to everyone. Sometimes i meet people and we click... slightly more rarely i meet someone and there is something special happening.
I'm not too sure "slut" is a helpful term. Different people have different values. It wouldn't be good for us all to be the same. So lets live and let live.
Thanks to everyone for your imput. Nothing I haven't already heard but at least it's something to think about. And I'm still thinking (I do every day). I went to the mall a couple times and talked to a few chicks there, but alas, nothing but sluts. Does anyone have an idea for a good venue besides the obvious places like in the malls and around campus?
me and my boyf are the opposite of iamawesum, hes had more sexual partners than me, but that doesnt bother me. i love him fir who he is not coz im the only one hes slept with. for a while before i met him, i thought maybe i was ready and nearly did go witha totally random person. however, i waited and im glad i did, coz in reality i hadnt been ready at all. when it did happen, i was scared that i would mess it up, but as long as ur honest and let a girl know its ur first time even if it isnt hers, she'll understand, she was there once too! dont just go with some random, that shows a total lack of respect for her
Well like I said before you should love her for who she is not who she's been with. I have had quite a few more partners than my boyfriend has and he has no problem with it. He says that's just part of my past and he loves me regardless of it. They key thing is when you find the person that you love, the love is unconditional. Don't get hung up on pettyness. Being jealous of another guy that took her virginity is ridiculous. If we start thinking in that state of mind, we'll just start becoming jealous of our current partner's past partners because they "got there first." That'd just be silly.
Another thought. Do you think you'd feel inadequate if she wasn't a virgin as well? Like you wouldn't be up to par so to speak if she's had more experience?
I don't understand tho how you are contemplating giving your virginity to some random chick or even have your MOM buy you a hooker, lol.
But yet you see girls your age doing the same thing...not the hooker part... but yet you could never "love them" b/c you don't think you can give them a fair trade or always be thinking of that random guy. I don't get it.
Besides, the guy Im w/ took my virginity but he had been w/ several girls. Yes, sometimes I think I wonder who they were. My issue is more of a "I didn't get to sleep w/ multiple ppl, multiple experiences, but he did". Its not really jealously over who took his virginity. I could care less. And yes I was like 23 I think also.
So if you do lose your virginity to a random chick or do find a nice girl..whatever... are you still going to look at it the same way? Will you still be looking for a virgin?? or will a "used" girl be ok after you are no longer a virgin.
Yes I agree it could be cool to enjoy and "trade" your virginities, but at the end of the day....all that really matters is that you are w/ someone you love....or at least like a little lol.
Well awesome, I know I'd hate her because I'd be envious that someone else was able to steal her virginity, it would be fine once I lose mine too, but I feel that not traiding virginities would be unfair. You see my dilemma here: I could skrew anyone but what if in the unlikely chance Mrs. Special does come along and I not longer have mine to trade, that would be unfair to her.
[QUOTE]"I had actually had just met the guy that day. I was introduced to him by friends and we went for a drive and ended up in a public park. No it wasn't the most romantic first time experience ever but I'll always remember it and never regret it." Sorry but isn't this a complete contridiction.
Maybe it's because I just don't want to wait but think about it, every day countless virgins bang some dude they don't care about. So I just don't think passing up all these free opportunities with people I don't care about is such a good idea anymore. I don't want to be 26 and still fretting about this situation.
p.s. I welcome anyone's opinions or comments, the more I know the better off I'll be.
Virgin or not, love is about a person and not a label. To love unconditionally is the only way to love...
Why do you think you'd be unable to love someone that isn't a virgin? When you love someone it should be for who they are. You should never had to say to someone, "well I can't let myself love you because you're a virgin."
And as far as who you want to lose your virginity to, that's gotta be up to you. My first time was quite the opposite of tease's. I just wanted to have sex. It didn't have to be someone I loved or even knew really well. I had actually had just met the guy that day. I was introduced to him by friends and we went for a drive and ended up in a public park. No it wasn't the most romantic first time experience ever but I'll always remember it and never regret it.
Well, I will tell you they're out there, somewhere. I was 22 when I lost my virginity... just a month shy of being 23. So yes, they're out there. lol.
And well, if you're ready, you're ready. However, to me, and this is just to me, I don't think you should just rush out there and have sex with the first girl you find just because you're tired of being a virgin or whatnot.
To me, your first time is supposed to be something memorable, not something to just "throw away" so to speak because you want to get it over and done with.
I lost mine to someone that I wanted to lose it to. Someone who I trusted, and still trust, more than most things in this world. Someone in which I couldn't imagine losing it to anyone else.
And not only was it memorable because of that, it was also memorable because he "took care of me" so to speak. He always made sure even up to the point when it was about to happen that this was what I wanted to do and once we tried to get going, he always wanted to know if I was ok and if he should stop and even when I told him to keep going, he could see that I was in pain and stopped.
So anyways, it's up to you really what you want to do. But me, personally, I would hold off till you found that person you're sure you want to lose it to. Even if she won't be the one you marry or won't be with for a long time, she should still be that one you want to lose it to.
to miroslaw, it is nice that your mother is willing to take you to vegas and get a hooker for you. but it is not worth it. I am 40 and still virgin. I am anxious as you to lose mine. right now i am writing to someone and i told her that i was a virgin and i am waiting to meet her on my holidays when i visit her. i hope she would be willing to be my first. if not i will have to find someone else to get the first time. so be patient.
gary
[QUOTE=Quote (Alspals69 @ Mar. 18 2005,18:30)]If you go into life open minded you will find doors open for you.[/QUOTE]
This is very true Al. My boyfriend is not like any of the other guys I've hooked up with and I totally didn't expect to settle down with a guy like him but now it's like he's perfect for me.
Oh yeah, and to thetease, what do you girls look for in your firsts? Seriously, be honest. On a similar note, my boss said to me the other day "you know we're the kind of guys women realize they want when they're 30." I agreed. So why don't women want "nice" guys like me when they're 18 (or something around that)?
seriously...not all girls r 'sluts.' and if u r so concerned about it, then it is none of ur business whether they enjoy sex or not because u arent going to hook up with them anyways r u?
wait. there R virgins out there. jeez.
-mariah