And this is designed to do what? Make you appear like a wimp? In my not so humble opinion, this approach is not going to win favor or points with the fairer gender.

Middle ground? Tell her what you are about to do before doing it and then take your time moving to that next step so she is hung on anticipation and longing. You could even tantalize her by moving to that next step and backing up to the previous one once or twice before concentrating on it. The idea is to drive her wild with anticipation, desire, by delayed gratification. But this is just me.

> hey, a gentleman asks a lady to dance without being a wimp, it is more about letting her control the tempo while i control the moves. (no pun intended)

But that is not what you wrote:

> "may i move my hand up, may i move my hand down...."
> "may i put my hand under your shirt, *and then...."

Yup! we do ask for a dance; however, the music defines the tempo in this situation.
Yes, in both examples, we do control the moves. I define "leading" as "guiding" what comes next. I guide the next dance step by indicating when and where I want my partner to step and as her part of the partnership, she performs the step with her own expression.

Leading a relationship or marriage is much the same. Men are generally charged with leading it, however, where things often go wrong is when the man interprets "leading" as being boss and acting with bossy or controlling behavior. Guiding a relationship is to use Implied Consent and in knowing what your partner (and you) want, just not necessarily when or where to make those moves. This is where guiding comes in: not issuing edicts. (Just a side note since I'm on the subject.)

As a male dancer I can tell you that we get "oohs" and "ahhs" from choreographing a couple of moves that work well together and are unexpected than by dancing by rote for three minutes.

As for asking your partner for permission to do thus and such is much like playing "Mother May I". Please read the article on how to go about making out and in using Implied Consent to kiss and caress what and when as you work within her limits and test her boundaries.

I wrote that article because all too often guys are in a big rush and push to remove their partner's clothing. Na, na.... Tease and tantalize while building excitement and anticipation is what we want to do. After fooling around and making out thru her clothing, begin unfastening this or that article in progressive steps. When it comes to breasts, cup one from outside, then perhaps slipping down from the top of a blouse or shirt over the bra. Next, unbutton a few buttons of her blouse, or slip a hand up under a shirt before removing it. Unfasten the bra and let it dangle before completely removing it--and, so on and so forth.

The above is not to say you cannot have wild rampant sex or a "Quickie", just not every time.

So, using Implied Consent, testing boundaries, and providing feedback are all part of an unspoken language. Said another way, if she likes what you are doing then she will not stop you. If she likes what you are doing, she will give you positive feedback {verbal and/or non-verbal). By testing her boundaries you learn if/when they have been extended--all without asking or asking her permission to go further and do more.

I'm not saying not to do what you are inquiring about, give it a try and see how she reacts. I just believe the other way is better and has better rewards.

I like the idea of asking before each major move. Asking before each time you move your hand would be way to much and super annoying. For me I would like a bit more detail in the asking but then I like graphic sex talk so that may not be what everyone would like.

Sometimes my husband makes me tell him each thing that I want him to do next, sometimes even beg for it. It makes me super hot. This appeals to my love of sex talk. I love telling him exactly what I want him to do to me and what I'm going to do to him. It's sort of a twist to what you have in mind except he says, What do you want me to do next? He only does what I say, I can't just say Lick my pussy, I have to go into detail about what I want.