Hey all - -
I am writing for advice on what I can do to make my partner more interested in sex. Weird I know, I am girl and I want my boyfriend to want to have sex. lol. Its just so weird. Like I was a virigin before i met him, and now I feel like he just wanted to take my viriginity because he tells me how much he doesnt like sex. He has no problem with everything before it, but for some reason he doesnt want to have sex. It frustrates me soo much! Sometimes I think he forgets I want pleasure too, which sucks because i have no problem at all going down on him and pleasing him. In fact I enjoy it. I just wish he had a real desire to have sex with me. Is this a problem for guys for real? Or is he just lame?? I would say it is because I am a bad partner, and maybe I am.. but he has no trouble reaching orgasm during sex (the few times we have it). Also the times we do have it, i never reach orgasm. I think he would probly like it more if I was on top cause he likes to be more submissive, but I find it very hard to do it that way. I am very much a beginner lol.
Any tips?
Thanks!!!!
Wed, 10/18/2006 - 21:25
#1
Want him more interested - Need Assistance
Best thing to do is communicate with him. Ask him why he won't have sex with you. Do you notice him like, avoiding you any or not talking to you as much since you started having sex with each other? I don't think he would be with you still if it was just to take your virginity..Most guys are like sex-hounds except for the few odded out ones. How old are you both? How long have you been together?
he hasnt been avoiding me at all.. he is always inviting me over. he doesnt mind it at all when i please him, but for some weird reason he wont do anything for me. we havent been together that long like 2 months. hes 19 and i am 20:confused:
he tells me that he doesnt like sex. but he bragged to me in the begining about how he had sex for 2 hours once.
i wish i knew a way to make him really want to have sex... because now when we do- i feel bad. like i am forcing him lol.
Try teasing him, make him want it. When he does want it out of the blue, tease him, just don't go all the way, u know what I'm saying? Don't go to an extent to make him mad or anything, but just enough so maybe he will have some fun, like a cat with a yarnball ;) Hide the yarnball but not too hard to find.
lol yeah, i try doin that.. but then i feel bad. cause its like he actualy doesnt like sex..
It may be time to move on to a different boyfriend. If someone isn't that interested in sex, it has more to do with them than what you can do. This could be a sign of many different things. He may not be extremely turned on by you, he may only want more of a friendship type of relationship, or maybe he just doesn't enjoy sex all that much. Just don't worry about the sex part and enjoy the relationship more as friends.
either lose the sex drive
or lose the guy
or find a way to make sex appealing
[QUOTE=xoxoKahluaxoxo;154857]he hasnt been avoiding me at all.. he is always inviting me over. he doesnt mind it at all when i please him, but for some weird reason he wont do anything for me. we havent been together that long like 2 months. hes 19 and i am 20:confused:[/QUOTE]
This isn't pleasant to say, but it is a legitimate possibility to consider:
He may have been motivated by the "conquest" early on and may not have true feelings for you at all. He now feels guilty just a little bit to keep using you for meaningless sex, so he refrains from having intercourse with you. But he somehow feels okay with you voluntarily pleasuring him because - in his mind - he isn't "taking advantage of you" if you're just giving him a BJ.
My gut feeling is he has no interest in you whatsoever other than what sexual favors you'll volunteer to do. This is the danger in having sex too quickly in a relationship.
[QUOTE=Morbid;154830]Best thing to do is communicate with him. Ask him why he won't have sex with you. Do you notice him like, avoiding you any or not talking to you as much since you started having sex with each other? I don't think he would be with you still if it was just to take your virginity..Most guys are like sex-hounds except for the few odded out ones. How old are you both? How long have you been together?[/QUOTE]
A book i read by a relationship expert once said to not ask a guy a question like that, he'll just take it as negative critisism, I completely agree. I would too. What it said you should rather do is make him feel good about what you want him to do, when he does it give him some sort of praise, & like a dog he'll start doing it because in one way or another, if you praise him right you will train him into getting that satisfaction of being praised, by doing the things you want & you praising him.
I agree with all this, being a guy & all.
Hope this helps. I know what its like being with someone who doesnt give you as much sex as you'd want.
maybe. i dont know thats exactly what i thought! I almost broke up with him last week because I felt like he doesnt have real feelings, and he got very upset and said that it isnt true and that he feels bad i feel that way. (It wasnt actually about the sex that i was breaking up- it was more that i drove an hour to pick him up cause his car broke down- and he acted like i was a bother and that everything i said was stupid-) I guess I am just way to nice..
I dont know why I still like him, but like idk. confusion.
Hes also moving in a few weeks to NC, so we are breaking up then I guess. Im not happy about it at all. :(
[QUOTE=xoxoKahluaxoxo;155812]maybe. i dont know thats exactly what i thought! I almost broke up with him last week because I felt like he doesnt have real feelings, and he got very upset and said that it isnt true and that he feels bad i feel that way. (It wasnt actually about the sex that i was breaking up- it was more that i drove an hour to pick him up cause his car broke down- and he acted like i was a bother and that everything i said was stupid-) I guess I am just way to nice..
I dont know why I still like him, but like idk. confusion.
Hes also moving in a few weeks to NC, so we are breaking up then I guess. Im not happy about it at all. :([/QUOTE]
I sure doesn't seem to "care" for you like he should if you have a relationship. Believe me, I think him moving will be good for you. If a guy truly cares about you, you won't have to endure anything like this.
Be patient and you will find someone who is worthy of your affection.
probably true. i just wish i didnt like him.
You will probably find a hot stud that has the same desire you have!
[QUOTE=Sirene;155828]A book i read by a relationship expert once said to not ask a guy a question like that, he'll just take it as negative critisism, I completely agree. I would too. What it said you should rather do is make him feel good about what you want him to do, when he does it give him some sort of praise, & like a dog he'll start doing it because in one way or another, if you praise him right you will train him into getting that satisfaction of being praised, by doing the things you want & you praising him.
I agree with all this, being a guy & all.
Hope this helps. I know what its like being with someone who doesnt give you as much sex as you'd want.[/QUOTE]
I think this is ridiculous. So girls are just supposed to wait until a guy does do something right instead of addressing a problem when there is one? If you can't be open and honest in a relationship and express your desires and what works for you and what doesn't, then get out of the relationship! Communication is really important! If a guy stops listening when you tell him there's a problem, then that is HIS problem. I'm not saying to attack him or be mean, but I do think it is important to be able to express yourself.
im jealous...i hate sex lol
[QUOTE=SmilingInside;157036]im jealous...i hate sex lol[/QUOTE]
Out of curiosity, may I ask why?
Stop being 'nice' to guys. You really are not doing them any favors. TELL HIM OUTRIGHT. If he gets mad or cannot handle it then that is just too bad. Adios, muchacho. You girls take on far more grief than you should. You let these guys get away with too much, too easily. The guys have it all their own way and take you for granted.
If he doesn't want sex with you and you have tried discussing it with him - leave him. Face it. He is just not that interested in you. If he were he'd be moving heaven and earth to please you not just accepting fellatio from you.
This is not a function of having sex too early in a relationship - it is what happens when you do not not make a male pay attention to you. Usually by being 'nice'. Next time - be demanding - a worthy male will be more than willing to 'step up' and meet you on your terms.
I actually did talk to him about it a few weeks ago. And since then he has been initiating it all the time. He goes out of his way to please me now, and I am soo happy. :) I dont know what was going on before, perhaps it was because I went away for a while and he realized how much he missed me lol.
One way or the other, now he knows - you might not be there the next time EG so now he pays attention. And you have learned that talking about it - will work.