I don't think it made it less special for us, but it's really is an individual thing. If you're not 100% sure, then wait until you are. If that's on your wedding night...great...if it's before...that's okay too. I found that my emotions ran high on my wedding day that by the time I actually got my wife alone, it was the perfect end to a great day.

I know alot of couples that didn't have intercourse on their wedding night. It's been a long day, alcohol may be included, and it's the day that had lots of planning. Many waited til the next day, after they reached their honeymoon destination, well rested and ready to spend an unlimited time in enjoying each other.
Even though I am not married, I am 47, I am a female and I lost my virginity at 14. I don't think that it would make it less "special". You can do things to make each encounter "special". You have to be honest to yourself, if YOU want to wait til after the I do's then wait. Don't pressure your partner to just because you want to.

I'm neither for, nor against, waiting until marriage. I once planned to, and ended up changing. EITHER is totally okay, as long as you are ready within yourself. And I agree with Buck that if you're not 100% sure, wait. In fact, I would recommend waiting until you're 100% sure, and then waiting a little longer-maybe a month, whatever-because even when one thinks they're 100% sure, often they find they weren't as ready as they thought they were.

At any rate.....the other point I want to make is.....DON'T WAIT JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK IT'S THE 'DONE' THING. By the same token, don't stop waiting just because the first 3 out of 3 responses you got told you it's okay not to wait. Figure out how you want it to be, and figure out why. Determine what's right for you, and for your boyfriend, and for the relationship, and do THAT, whatever that may be.

Int, how did I say it's ok not to wait or that it's not ok to not wait? In fact I think I was one that said to follow your heart. I also wanted them to know that if after a day of so much excitement it doesn't happen that night, they are so not alone. After all the planning and it all coming, hopefully as wonderful and beautiful as they hoped, to be they are going to be exhausted both physically and mentally. It is up to them to decide and that is what I was saying. I was answering the OP's question, if not waiting made it "special". Your first time I think is always special, if it is mutual, before or after.
If someone decides to wait, don't think that you have to do it before you fall asleep as man and wife for the first time. If you want your first time as man and wife to be "special" whether it is your first time or not wait til you can make it "special".
To wait or not to wait is up to the couple, and if one wants to wait then you wait.

I saw a statistic of how many couples actually make love on their wedding night and I seem to remember it is an extremely low number. Personally I am ashamed to say I was far too drunk (I am now divorced, but that had nothing to do with the wedding night - I think).

This is only my opinion, but I think this whole waiting until you are married thing is nonsense unless you believe your god favours such devotion. If you love someone then you love someone there is no extra magic from having exchanged rings and signed a piece of paper that makes the sex more intimate.

Additionally, first times are hugely symbolic, but they are rarely wonderfully sensuous occasions. You really only learn about pleasuring your partner and yourself as time goes on.

The 'go with your heart sentiment' is an excellent one, but I would also say: honeymoons are even more special when you can f*ck like dirty, little bunny rabbits, maybe some practice beforehand wouldn't be such a bad idea?

Life is short.

I wasn't directing that at you Small. It wasn't intended to address anything you said. I was just speaking my mind on the issue.

Cool Int, you just said three of three, and well I was the third post.

Sorry, but this was my honest reaction to reading the title of your topic:

"Why the hell would anyone do that??"

Personally, I'd feel like a blind seven year old trying to drive a car for the first time... sex takes work, and it's very important for bringing people together. Good sex will often make a happy couple.

Do you want your wedding night to be perhaps a little painful and clumsy, or prepared for and fantastic?

No, it does not make it special. What makes it special is having sex with someone you love. The first time is usually very clumsy anyways, so don't get your hopes too high.

IMO, the only thing to wait for is somone you love. When you have that, whats to wait for?

[quote=silverlining;224997]Im 22 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years.

We had planned to wait for marriage before having sex. I guess its something I have always just assumed was the done thing. After 3 years it's getting harder to manage that though and we both are a bit confused.

This sounds like a stupid question but its really bugging me.... Does having sex before marriage make it less "special" on your wedding night?

I'd love to hear some different opinions.. Just to get some perspective on how I'm feeling.[/quote]

I believe the only special part of the making love after the marriage is the marital bond. It's a first sexual experience as husband & wife; although it may not be your first experience with this man. It's you are now husband & wife which makes it different and more special. There is nothing better to me to have consummated your marriage, not that you never had sex prior to the evening, which makes it awesome.

I obviously was not a virgin when married but the first as husband & wife was really nice & special. I'd rather not even been a virgin since first times are awkward and would prefer to be very comfortable after the wedding v. trying to figure it out. The next day realizing this is the beginning of a new life together makes it awesome.

Here is some reading material to consider. Please read my thoughts on this as well as what others have to contribute.

http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/conception-pregnancy/25464-risks-how-i-n...

I'm Ready for SEX! (or am I?) I really want to do it.

http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/dating-new-relationships/25221-will-guys...

Silverlining - here's one more for you.

Two fumbling people, tired, excited, her first time, maybe there's blood and pain, maybe he's not all that skilled, slam bam, limited foreplay, she has no idea what she likes and neither does he as far as really superb sex goes, perhaps there's alcohol perhaps not, what if neither orgasms, sweaty, perhaps he cannot get it up or someone falls off the bed and hurts themselves - how on earth is that SPECIAL?

Funny, kinda, but not exactly special.

I enjoyed sex with various males beginning at age 11. First penetration - nothing. But he assured me that sex would only improve from there and he then porceeded to prove his point. Second time was WONDERFUL! First orgasm from penetration at age 11. HURRAY!! He was about 15 I'd say. My husband and I had NOT abstained prior to our marriage and still - our wedding night was indeed VERY special. Because the relationship changes once you are married.

Because it is not just a question of virginity vs non-virginity. Nor is it a matter only of have or have not been there with this man before.

It is a question of the quality and kind of the interaction between partners which includes everything, not just sex.

Based upon that statement, your question becomes immaterial.

If it's really important to you morally then you should wait. Although you didn't say that you were engaged at this time, I assume you think that this man is the one you'll marry?

What if you broke up? Would you feel comfortable going back out into the dating world as a virgin in your 20's?

Somehearts, maybe the better question would be would Silverlining be comfortable going back into the dating world NOT a virgin? To be a virgin or not is up to the OP and her fiance.
To be honest, plan a romantic honeymoon and do it overlooking the ocean. Agree on skipping the wedding night for the reasons given, sleep in the same bed cuddling and get some sleep, dreaming about the next day.

Small and Some, I think those are both good questions to ask oneself. A person should always examine both sides of any given coin before making a decision.

What's with all the "romance"?

Life is a Highway - is a much better way of going about it - that is to say: WITH LIGHT AND LAUGHTER!

LIVE UNSTINTINGLY!

Often people "rush" into marriage secondary to waiting since they believe only at this time It's "Acceptable" or "special". Often a few find out differently post-wedding.

Regardless, unless being held at gunpoint to marry, your wedding night IS SPECIAL! SO IS THE REMAINDER OF YOUR LIVES TOGETHER...TOO MUCH EMPHASIS ON ONE DAY!

Yes, the pill with a spermicide to be certain or a condom with a spermicide. Best of luck with whatever you choose.

Being on the pill is a great start to prevent pregnancy. You need to talk to your doctor about how long it takes to give you protection. It's not day 1, you need to get the medicine into your system, and missing 1 day can take it all back. I know women who missed a day and now have a child.
If you're willing to go on the pill do it, using a seperate spermicide is a great idea and think of the condom as just one more layer of protection. 1 is better than none, 2 is better than 1 and 3 is better than 2.

[quote=silverlining;225749]Luckily I have been on it for over a year now as I have PCOS :) So that wont be a problem[/quote] Due to the Poly-cystic issue; when you do decide to marry, the marriage is going well, don't wait too long before you both decide to have children. Once said to me by a Cardiologist I know well; "You spend the majority of your life TRYING to prevent a pregnancy & may find out the one thing you try so hard to prevent is the one thing you may never have". Much truth there.