First off I'd like to say I just found this site and it has alot of helpful information. My problem is this, I am a 24 year old male and still a virgin. In all respects I'm a pretty average guy and decent looking and so most people have assumed that I have had sex. I have messed around with girls but nothing really beyond fingering etc. I have had the oppotunity to probably have had sex, but passed on it because since I am so old I am worried that I am going to have some really embarrising situation happen because of my inexperience. Anyway, I really want to have sex and not trying to remain a virgin until marraige or anything, but when I get into any situation where I could, I get out of there as soon as possible because of my worries over being "found out" for being a virgin. It really bothers me because I catch heat for being a virgin all the time from my co-workers even though it is none of their damn business and they all say that I must be gay or something which makes me laugh, but gets really irritating hearing the same thing day after day.
So is there any advice you can give me as far as easing my mind so I can take the plunge, like for instance should I just tell the girl that I am a virgin before hand or not. My only worry about this is the girl will not want to have sex after I say I am a virgin, since I don't have a girlfriend and my sexual(or lack there of) encounters are with aquaintances or girls I have just met. Sorry for the long post, thanks for any help you could give me.
It seems kind of odd for me giving you advice considering you being older than me. But here is my two cents. I think that you should have a girlfriend for a few months, or until you feel that you can be honest with them, and then tell them. If they aren't a virgin they will be glad to give you advice since it would be helping them. Try to relax about the situation, if you have seen porn you know the basics. Just stick to a simple position and take it slow. Read around this site on what pleases girls, and try out a few of the "normal" sounding ones. If you are worried about " going off too early" go get yourself some of these condoms:
durex
trojan
it will also take away some of the nervousness and give you one thing less to worry about. good luck!
Any nice girl wldn't be bothered if you were a virgin. If your honest about it and she understands you can just take it slow and see what happens.
Dear Sandman,
Here is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
What I would like you to do first is to read the following and substitute any age between 15 and 20 for the number 24.
[QUOTE=sandman12]I am a 24 year old male and still a virgin. I have messed around with girls but nothing really beyond fingering etc. I have had the oppotunity to probably have had sex, but passed on it because since I am so old I am worried that I am going to have some really embarrising situation happen because of my inexperience. So is there any advice you can give me as far as easing my mind so I can take the plunge, like for instance should I just tell the girl that I am a virgin before hand or not. My only worry about this is the girl will not want to have sex after I say I am a virgin, since my sexual(or lack there of) encounters are with aquaintances or girls I have just met. [/QUOTE]
For the sake of argument, let's say you substituted the number 16. Do you honestly believe these young men in this age range are any less apprehensive?
Here is another truth: Each time a couple makes love for the first time you can expect that something may not go as planned. Why? Because each person is different and when a new partnership is formed, there are personal likes and dislikes to consider, height and/or weight considerations to manage, nerves, expectations, surprises, etc., et cetera, etc.
Follow-up truth: With each new paring, adjustments will be likely and their may be some awkward moments. Experience or the lack of is of no benefit or guarantee of trouble free success.
Next truth: Making love is not what one person does to the other; rather it is a partnership in which a couple gives to each other in order to receive--not to do something in order to get. The latter is selfish, self centered, and theft.
Next truth: We do not give orgasms away. Each person is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achive one through knowledge, skill, and a deft hand. It is important that we teach each other how to stimulate our respective genitalia. Why when we understand the basic mechanics involved in stroking a penis and fingering a clitoris? Because in due course each of us develops a "fine art" to the technique that is unique and specific to each of us. If we miss the mark, the orgasm will either not happen or be less than expected.
Follow-up truth: It behooves each one of us to demonstrate for our partner how we masturbate and then to guide his/her hand movements with our hand several times until we learn to mimic our partner's rhythm, tempo, and pressure.
[QUOTE=sandman12] I really want to have sex and not trying to remain a virgin until marraige or anything, but when I get into any situation where I could, I get out of there as soon as possible because of my worries over being "found out" for being a virgin. [/QUOTE]
Doctor's recomendation: Do not take yourself so seriously. Age has no bearing on how successful the two of you will be the first time. Whether one or the other or both of you are virgins or experienced, we all begin each new partnership at "Square One". Experience equates to knowledge not skill.
Teach each other and learn as you go. Explore and revel in each discovery.
Now, enjoy the ride as well as the destination and do not let whether the road is bumpy or not spoil the "ride". Enjoy.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
You're stuck in a vicious cycle. It's best you risk having one really embarassing situation than turning into Steve Carell...
"Well, at first it didn't happen... and then it really didn't happen..."
I really appreciate your responses and think you have all given my good advice.
[QUOTE]Doctor's recomendation: Do not take yourself so seriously. Age has no bearing on how successful the two of you will be the first time. Whether one or the other or both of you are virgins or experienced, we all begin each new partnership at "Square One". Experience equates to knowledge not skill.
[/QUOTE]
Dancingdoc I really think you helped me put thing into the right perspective. It helped me to see things about my situation differently. I'm trying not to think of my viginity as some big curse that I need to be ashamed of and hide anyway I can. It's difficult for me change my outlook though since I have been ashamed of my virginity for quite a few years now. Although I realize I really shouldn't be.
[QUOTE]You're stuck in a vicious cycle. It's best you risk having one really embarassing situation than turning into Steve Carell...
"Well, at first it didn't happen... and then it really didn't happen..."
[/QUOTE]
It's funny you should say that because I said the exact same thing to one of my friends and he said I shouldn't take anything I see in a movie seriously, but I definetley agree with you.
When you were little, did you have a dad that pushed you into the deep end of the pool, to teach you how to swim? Kind of the same thing here I think. Listen to Doc, he has fantastic advice.
In the event that you have a little bit of an embarrassing situation the first time, just laugh it off and know that you can do better. Then have another go. You'll be good to go in no time. Make sure you're with a nice girl, no ponit in doing this with one who's an a-hole.
[QUOTE] When you were little, did you have a dad that pushed you into the deep end of the pool, to teach you how to swim? Kind of the same thing here I think. Listen to Doc, he has fantastic advice.
[/QUOTE]
Getting pushed into the deep end of the pool is one thing...but having your bathing suit fall off at the same time is HORRIFYING!!..:D :eek: :D
As I've preached before on this board, it's not the incident that's important, it's the recovery. *says sarcastically* "Oh look, my suit fell off. What a crime. I can't be held down by your victorian views on clothing. Don't try to supress my sexuality with your rules about covering up! I'm free, and I'm lovin' every minute of it!!!!"
I think you should get into a relationship with a girl and talk to her about your virginity before attempting to have sex. It'll make you less nervous and better able to enjoy yourself the first time, if you aren't worrying the whole time about trying to hide it. I really can't think of a girl who would walk away from a guy just because he was a virgin. And if a girl did that, she's not worth your time in my opinion.
My ex-BF was 22 and still a virgin when we were together. He lost his virginity to me. But we talked about it before having sex and I had no problem with it. I was happy that he was honest with me and didn't just try to play it off, to be honest.
No one expects the first time you sleep with someone to be mind-blowing. To be honest, in my experience, the first few times are usually the worst simply because you don't know what the other persons likes/dislikes are yet. It's a learning experience everytime you are with someone new. While you could probably "play it off", I recommend honesty above anything else.