I am 15, 16 on November 29th, and have been with my boyfriend for a little over two months now (three months combined with a previous but short-lived relationship we had earlier on this year). We love each other, and happily took everything slowly. Now we have got to third base and, well, you all know what comes next.
I wouldn't have sex before my sixteenth birthday and I would definitely do it with full protection only. I don't know how I'll feel about it in two months' time when my birthday comes, but I would definitely like to sleep with him and he feels the same way.
This is the first boyfriend I have had.
I'm thinking I should probably hold on to my virginity for as long as possible, I mean, what harm is there in waiting? I don't know, I'm not exactly asking for advice or opnions, I just wanted to speak out about it.
My older sister, seventeen, is still a virgin, and I think my parents would disapprove strongly if they were to find out.
I say I should hold on until next summer if possible. It'll be legal and it would probably do good to wait a while.
Any opinions or stories to share? I don't mind how old you are or what experience you have. xxx
Sun, 10/01/2006 - 21:27
#1
Virginity: Keep a tight hold on it or let it go?
Thank you for bringing this matter to many people's attention.
There is good reason for maintaining your virginity until you are married. First, and foremost, making love and having intercourse is and should be an outward expression for the love two people have. It also consumates and is Part II of the marriage vows.
Intercourse has more to do with a melding of the psyches than physical pleasure as good as it is. The vagina is the gateway to a woman's soul. The penis is the essense of a man. When the two come together we become one with the other if only for a short period of time. The experience is worth the wait. If a person engages in intercourse before saying "I Do", then very often the intensity of the meld will not be nearly as strong.
Another point in favor of waiting, is that when asked, nearly every woman who has lost her virginity during her teen years later with hindsight wishes she had waited several more years.
People who are in recovery from some type of adiction will tell you that they take it one day at a time. My recommendation is to do the same, and when you get to next summer, continue to take it one day at a time until you are much older, have much more life experience, and have matured considerably more than you have so far.
Here are some more things for your consideration. First intercourse is often difficult. It can take several attempts, and if it doesn't happen the first time you decide to do it, it might require a few more days. If your hymen is intact and has not eroded (partially) away, then the experience is likely to be uncomfortable. The vaginal opening is naturally small and so accommodating a penis of any size is likely to be difficult and/or uncomfortable. So, if and when you ever do decide to loose your virginity, my strong recommendation is for you and your lover to use the Woman Superior position. It has many benefits that you can read about. Just do an advanced search using my name and the key words Woman Superior.
Because having intercourse has more to do with the couple's psyches, the guy will no doubt find that as good as orgasms are from do it, they are much much more intense when he is brought to a climax by hand and/or mouth!
Few sexual positions give a woman the required friction necessary to bring her to a climax. What most loving, skilled, knowledgeable, carring lovers do is to reach around and finger their partner. That said, why the rush to have intercourse? There are no nerve endings in the vaginal vault, only surrounding the exterior of the opening and just inside. What women get from intercourse is a sense of fullness. You can get this by having his finger inside you! In the meantime enjoy being fingered, there, also.
I know and understand about the curiosity of it all; yet please have faith that some things are just worth waiting for.
If you are not yet able to have and enjoy orgasms by your own hand, then I suggest learning to masturbate. It is a prerequisite to having them at someone else's hand. We do not give orgasms away. Each of us is responsible for our own. All any of us can do is to help our partner achieve his/her own. If you are able to enjoy orgasms, or, when you learn how to, then you can show your partner and guide his movements with your hand several times in order for him to learn how to mimic the motions, rhythms, and pressures that you have come to rely upon. The same holds true for him with you.
I'd go no farther with a partner than oral sex. That said, you can teach each other how best to stimulate yourselves, enjoying much more physically intense sensations than from stroking and thrusting, alone.
I'll disagree philosophically with the good Doc's recommendation. As I see it, you should make the decision about how valuable virginity is for yourself. No one else can (nor should) do that for you.
People, especially older ones, are quick to assume that teens can't form close, loving bonds with partners, and thus are unable to fully understand and appreciate the emotional closeness and intimacy that sex can bring to the relationship even at this age. That is patently not true.
I'm not advocating that you have sex or give away your virginity. What I am advocating is that *you* make the decision about whether or not to hang on to it based on *your* particular situation. Only you can decide how important virginity is to you (including any future partners - if they are overly concerned with your virginal status, they have issues that should preclude you from remaining in a relationship with them).
As a 16 year old, you almost certainly have the emotional and mental capacity to decide for yourself whether or not your relationship is worthy of moving it to such a level. Might you make a mistake? Certainly. But that is one of the unique characteristics about being a human - sometimes we make mistakes. Some people regret losing their virginity when they did, some don't. As long as you make an informed decision, and you believe it to be the *right* decision based on the situation you are in, you should not feel bad about giving it away if you decide you are ready for that step. If it ends up being a mistake, then promise yourself you'll learn from it and not make the mistake(s) again. Waiting will in no way guarantee you that it won't be a mistake then to be sure. It also won't guarantee you that you'll have an orgasm, have painless intercourse, or any of the other grand things that the Doc seems to suggest that it will.
If you are going to take that step, make sure you understand what is involved with it, the potential ramifications (positive and negative), and take all the precautions you can to ensure that you don't end up with a surprise.
I discuss this decision in an article I wrote for my web site here:
http://www.caitlainscorner.com/13/sex/sex_ready.html
Perhaps it will help you make the decision. Regardless, I encourage you to make the decision for yourself (in conjunction with your partner, of course). You are the one who should be responsible for your own sexuality.
doc never said waiting would make it hurt less etc he mearly stated correctly that first time sex is not all the bells and wistle we hope for and so considering that the person in question wants to wait out longer anyway of her own free will then that is a good idea as she should not rush in and do it when she is ready.
there are many other things that can be done and just sleeping together in the same bed could be a nice experience without doing everything possible in the shortest time possible