[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]So here is the story. I am going to visit this girl in another county that I know from last summer. When she was her a year ago we really hit it off and fooled around a bit. Now I am going to visit her in three days for three weeks. I think she wants to have sex with me when I am there. I am not a virgin but I think she is. I read all the things on here about having sex with virgins but it dose not seem to cover the psychological aspect of it. All my friends just “say go for it, who cares”. But I really don’t want to hurt her. So what should I look out for and how do I avoid any problems[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Other information [/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]She is seventeen[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]I have had two female sexual partners one of which taut me a lot. Neither were virgins and both were a couple of years older.[/SIZE][/FONT]
well if you are going to have sex with her then afterwards treat her like human and not a piece of meat
well it's her choice. if both of you feel comfortable with a no-strings-attached thing (which is what i'm assuming this is) and she knows what your ultimate intentions are i say go for it.
and i agree with weasel. respect is of the utmost importance.
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]I am very respectful of all the women I date or do anything with. I am not going to treat her as a piece meat. This is what I am worried about. First, I don’t know how casual she thinks it is. For me sex is not that big of a deal, the only difference between my first time and any other time for me, was I was not that good at it. But a lot of people put a high price on virginity. Obviously she knows I am there for only three weeks and then I am going back home. Second, how do I know if she is ready for sex? My sister warned me about sleeping with her (she never meet her) but all my friends say go for it so I am also wondering what else do you think can go wrong.[/SIZE][/FONT]
How do you know she wants sex when you visit?
What are the laws in her country for age of consent, statutory rape, etc.?
What are her religious and moral values?
Whether the girl is here or there, they are all pretty much the same and you better have a clear signal. Your notion can be far from accurate. My recommendation is to date her, learn more about her, and not be so anxious to jump in the sack with a relatively total stranger. There like here, I'd suggest devoting plenty of those three weeks working up to it, beginning with Necking, then Petting, then Heavy Petting, and eventually Foreplay if these are things she wants to do with you. Remember, where every you are the woman sets the boundaries and limits for how far we guys can go. By the same token, they are able to extend those limits at any time. I have discussed this in an article on Implied Consent, please read it.
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]How do I know she wants to sleep with me? It is hard to explain because it happened over a couple of weeks, but she basically told me. I am pretty certain.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]What is the age of consent? She is of legal age in Germany. [/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Religion? She is not very religious. Never goes to church.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[QUOTE=Mr. Saint;219459]How do I know she wants to sleep with me? It is hard to explain because it happened over a couple of weeks, but she basically told me. I am pretty certain.[/quote]
"Hi; wanna have sex?"
Browser makes a good point. PAY ATTENTION TO HER. Watch and listen for signals from her. If you're not certain whether the answer is yes, the answer is NO. If, for example, you two happen to start and she backs down and says something like "I'm sorry I thought I could but I just can't", THAT'S OKAY. If she takes the lead, fantastic, follow her where she leads you. If you take the lead, pay attention to her reactions. If you feel her tense up, calm it down a little. Ask her periodically if she likes what you're doing. Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, say, do, or react in a way that makes her feel embarrassed or less-than due to the fact that she has less experience than you do. If this is indeed her first time your reactions will be very formative of her future experiences. My first time, he said right in the middle, 'how come all you ever say is oh god?'. And he's ancient history, but that question is not. There are still times to this day I tell myself I need to find a new phrase. That's a fairly minor example, its not like I was injured for life by it, but you take my meaning.
[SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I am not really concerned with what to do before or during, but being wary and ready for anything that happens after. [/FONT][/SIZE]
It's not complicated, just be considerate. Put yourself in her place and treat her how you'd want to be treated in the same circumstance. If she cries, tell her it's ok, it's natural, and hold her till she calms down. You don't strike me as the type who finds being nice to people on a par with rocket science.
And it is taught not taut which means something entirely different.
Okay a 17 yr old German girl is not exactly a sheltered person since their culture permits far more sex in the media than we, Americans, do. Whether or not she herself has done anything, no one knows but her.
So I would say, wait and let her make the move on you. Make it her choice and her responsibility.
Again, Ms INT has some super advice. Treat another as you would want them
to treat you......... It is a good thing to help and comfort another.
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Well my flight leaves soon, so I probably will not be on here for a few weeks. Thank you all for your advice once again. I am going to take it slow and try to read her comfort level. If we do end up going all the way I will be the perfect gentleman. If it dose not happen of I don’t think she fells comfortable with it then it dose not happen, no big deal. Once again thanks for your advice. [/SIZE][/FONT]
wait until she's 18, you don't want to put yourself in a tight situation(no pun intended :)) even though the sex would be consensual.
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]I have got back to the States late last night so I am back on line. I had very little access to internet because I was in the countryside. I got on this sight once on my trip and made one post and lost connection. Anyways if you want to know how it all turned out here is the story.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]I did nothing for what I felt was good reason. Her and her whole family are all very strict Christians. It was actually very confusing because in the first three days of my trip I saw her and her parents naked when changing to go swimming. Latter I found out that she had huge guilt issues surrounding sex. Sorry to anyone out there that is vary religious but it is one of my rules. I don’t deal with that kind of self guilt. [/SIZE][/FONT]
If you didn't feel comfortable, or were confused, it is best that you did nothing.
Yeah I agree. No one's going to criticize you for NOT doing something that could have ended very badly. Kudos on using the BIG brain instead of the LITTLE one.
Guilt becuase she has the normal sex drive of a teenage woman and yet thinks it is something bad, shameful, dirty and yet at the same time precious and should be saved for her husband.
GREAT! Another damaged woman out in the world. Thanks, Mom & Dad.
You did precisely the right thing, Mr. Saint.
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]EEK you are right, it truly is a shame. But it gets even worse; I get the sense that she has at least some homosexual thoughts if she is not completely gay. When we did fool around a bit, nothing more then kissing and a hand on the small of her back, she did not seem that in to it. But when a cute girl walked by, she looked longer then I did. She swears she has never had a thought like that and that it is wrong. If at some point she dose realize she is attracted to other women it will be very bad.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT]
I don't know that that would be very bad for her.
There is an intellectual "I wonder" response and then there's the visceral "OMG!" physical response. It is that visceral response that you want to generate and receive from your partner.
If it is NOT there, then it is game over. Just move on.
I can see what Saint is getting at though. Given her apparent upbringing, if she does indeed discover homosexual tendencies it could cause an emotional/psychological nightmare for her, within herself. She'll have a very hard time reconciling the fact that she has these tendencies with the religious and sexual beliefs with which she was raised.
****this was not meant to be either for or against the concept of homosexuality. All I"m saying is that it can be a difficult realization and adjustment.
Definitely follow all advice given so far.. but fair warning. Girls can be tricky, especially younger ones. Yes, she may be totally up for having sex, and say that she is totally ok with the "casual..no strings attached" sort of situation.. However, that may not be the case AFTER you've done the deed. She may very possibly change her mind about how she feels, so you should be prepared for that and the drama it may bring. I'm not saying this is a definite..but it is possible..so proceed cautiously. Judging from what I've seen and experienced, a girls attachment after sex increases in a way that doesn't seem to happen for guys. Or maybe they're just better at ignoring it..all the same, know the possible consequences of whatever action you take.