A few weeks ago while cleaning out our garage I came across a box of old VHS tapes. I decided to look through the box to see if there were any movies worth keeping or if they should all go into the garbage. While looking around I found a tape without any labels. I didn’t give it much thought but was still curious as to what movie it held. When I finished cleaning the garage I went in and popped the tape into the VCR. At first it appeared to be a recording of a superbowl game. I fast forwarded to see if there was anything else on the tape before I threw it out when suddenly the screen changed and I was hit with the biggest surprise of my life. I had gone from watching an old superbowl game to watch a video of my wife and her ex-husband having sex.
I was furious. Not so much of the act, I understood she was previously married and whatever was on the tape happened before she met me. I was upset because she had held on to the tape. I confronted her and she was both upset and embarrassed. She thought the tape was recorded over or destroyed. It was actually a tape she and her then husband made on their honeymoon.
After I calmed down, a few days later I decided to watch the tape again, this time all the way through. And here is where my problem and confusion begins. I found myself getting aroused by the contents of the tape. I have since then watched the tape several times and masturbated. A few days ago I decided to have another talk with my wife about the tape.
Long story, short. We ended up watching the tape together and afterwards had the best sex ever. Ever since the tape our sex life has improved. My question is…am I crossing the lines of normality? Should I be getting aroused watching my wife with someone else? We’ve been married 6 years and have 2 kids. This is something that had never crossed my mind. I know my wife finds it weird that I suddenly have a profound interest in her past sex life. To complicate things even further, recently I’ve begun to have fantasies of see her with him again. My wife and her ex still keep in touch because they have child together. A few days ago I asked her if she had been with him since the divorce. To my surprise she said yes, still before I came into the picture but it was after their son’s birthday party that they ended up in the sack. I’ve fantasized about it happening again, only in fantasyland. I realize in real life this is like opening Pandora’s box. I thought that if I ever found out my wife and her ex were still fooling around I’d be furious, but now I’m not so sure anymore.
Is this normal? Is it a just a phase? Can anyone share any friendly advice on what I should do? I'm confused and could use some help.
Thanks and sorry for dragging this on so long.
There is a lot of posts on this site of men/women who enjoyed seeing their partner having sex w/another, do a search on threesomes; it will give you some insight as to why they enjoy watching.
you have to remember that this was in her OTHER LIFE! YOU are her life now..you've been married 6yrs you've got kids, let it go..easy to say..but you have to get past this, you have your past,she has hers. Just enjoy the great sex with your wife! good luck:)
I'd say that this is probably okay as a fantasy, but given your initial reaction (jealousy) I think maybe it should stay a fantasy. Especially concerning someone with which she already has a past. It would be very easy to stir-up old feelings (for your wife OR the ex).
Threesomes can be a lot of fun, but they can also be a royal nightmare. It takes a very committed couple with absolutely no jealousy issues and extreme trust. It also requires a third party that completely understands that the couple IS a couple and will continue to be ONLY a couple.
In a nutshell, I'd say think long and hard before actually trying to make this fantasy come true.
You are normal in wanting to watch, etc., but remember that once you make a fantasy real by acting it out that fantasy will no longer be any good to you because real life is never as lurid as your fantasy was. That being said, it is not enough for one partner to want to 'swing', both partners have to want to 'swing'. This means that both of you have to give up being jealous or at all possessive and that both of you will have to trust eachother more than ever before. Until you can walk up to another man and say, with great dignity, "My lady would like you to have her number" and hand him her card, 'swinging' is not for you.
I was never really looking for a threesome. I am aware that such a situation would be very awkward. Also since he and my wife have a child together he is not someone we can just cut off contact with if things go wrong or get too uncomfortable.
Believe it or not, he and I actually get along, I guess it behooves us booth since we’ll always be seeing each other at certain family events. My problem is every time I see him and my wife together I start to picture scenes from the video, one part in particular just keeps coming back. Its actually the end of the where he ejaculates on my wife’s face (his wife back then) and picturing how much she was enjoying it, the same way any other newly weds would enjoy the same act on their honeymoon. I instead of being disgusted and not wanting to see them talk to each other I find myself getting aroused and picturing that part all over again. Yesterday my wife and her ex went out together, not on a date but to their child’s school, it was open school night. He came and picked her up in his car as he has always done in the past. I never beefed about this because in my mind it was within reason that they both go to open school night for their kid and I never had any reason to mistrust my wife. After they left I found myself masturbating and fantasizing about my wife performing oral sex on him on the way back. Afterwards I found myself getting upset because I thought she (they) were taking “too long” and I had to bring myself back to reality. I’ve been to open school night myself for our other kids and I know it is quite time consuming to so many teachers.
When she came back I found myself aroused again and wanted to bring up the video topic and wanted to ask her if since we’ve been married the thought of doing something with him while they were alone had ever crossed her mind. I wanted to ask but was too afraid of what her answer might be so I left it alone. I’m positive she’s always been faithful and never mistrusted her.
I was afraid if she said yes it would start the mistrust and turn me into a paranoid husband.
My problem is I seem to be stuck in limbo and I don’t know what to do. I find myself getting aroused at the thought but at the same time I know for sure I’d be heated if I ever got the slightest hint something was actually happening. I just don’t want this to start to affect our relationship down the line with thoughts of jealousy because of me not being able to differentiate between my weird fantasy and reality.
[QUOTE=go4it;167337]Have you thought of selling the tapes of your wife having a nasty on eBay? If she is a looker, you might do ok!!![/QUOTE]
My wife is a looker, very beautiful, and I'm sure she'd be flattered at your request but neither of us have any interest in posting, selling or making any money off of this tape. As you can read from my other post there are other issues at hand.
Rich, your fantasy is just and only that. It is not wierd or abnormal. The trick here is to accept your fantasy as yours and then it keep it to yourself. Talk with your wife if you'd like; even ask for her help if you feel you need it. But , usually once you accept a fantasy as being yours, the limbo will end and reality will return.
Get rid of the tape and make your own tape of you and her together. Then you can watch both of you and make up your own fantasy of being filmed together. If you push the loving with her ex it is just going to annoy her and really does no good for your marriage. Find other ways to act out your fantasies with each other which is much more fun.