After two long years in a long distance relationship that started from meeting on the Internet, I finally got to be with the woman I fell in love with this past Valentines day. I had short time to be with her for a few days. That time we had for me was wonderful. We kissed, we had foreplay, we made love. She had orgasms. The problem here is that I couldn't cum during her giving me a hand job, or her giving me oral, or during intercourse... It all felt great, but I just couldn't cum. I wanted to cum, very badly, did I want to cum, but I couldn't.and the more I concentrated on trying to cum, I couldn't. At least not during those moments. The thing is, I was able to bring myself to the point of orgasm through my masturbation and then I let her take over near the end, so I could cum. Now since I got back home, she tells me she feels like she failed me as a girlfriend because I couldn't cum while having sex, or thru oral or her hand job. I tried to tell her that she wasn't doing anything wrong, it felt great and that it was me. I felt stressed, I felt like I didn't have enough time, like the clock was against me and I knew she wanted me to cum and I wanted to cum as well. I told her I felt pressured to cum and from that I just couldn't. Now she is not confident in herself and feels like she is a failure when in fact she never failed me.. I feel like I failed her by not being able to cum. I had three days to be intimate with her, and I know I started out tense, but each day felt better and better, now I just wish I had a fourth day to be with her again because I think it was going to happen I just don't think I was quite relaxed just yet. Now I just don't know what I can do or say to help her feel better when the problem I had was mine and not hers, but yet she takes it as it was her problem that I could not cum. She is the love of my life she turns me on and drives me crazy, and I know she is the woman for me and I want to prove to her that it will happen. She tells me I cannot change the way she is feeling about herself and I just don't know what to do. Please help me explain this. Or please help me understand.. I am the one with the problem, right? Not her?
Sun, 02/18/2007 - 10:14
#1
Valentine's Day troubles
There is a lot of pressure on performance--2 years & love; then just 3 days to learn about each other? You have to relax and so does she; as time goes on you both will be more comfortable w/ each other. Neither have anything wrong w/them, just too much pressure on being perfect...
Sera's exactly right!!
Deep breath and relax, hun!
But how do I prove to her that it was not her, but actually it was me? I just dont know what to do because the time we spent together was wonderful and I keep on letting her know that.
That is her problem, not yours.
So you have explained this to her until you are blue in the face? Okay then she has a self-esteem issue - discuss that instead. Ask her why that is when she's sooo very cute, etc.?
Tell her to do some reading about the subject!!! Too high expectations, both of you are trying to make the physical part "perfect" and the longer you hold off on having an orgasm (to make her feel good) the harder it becomes to have one. Try it again, with time together (when ever it will be) you both will become comfortable w/the other's body and w/the experience. Practice makes perfect! If she loves you & trusts you, then she has to believe you on this one...cut and paste this thread and all the responses in an e-mail & send them to her to read for herself.