Me and my GF have been dating for a little over a year now and 5 months ago we decided to have sex for the first time, (i am 18 she is 17). well we have had nearly 10 attempts at the act each one has ended with her very scared and in pain. Believe me i have done everything humanly possible to set a very safe mood for this and have been extremly patient and have never tried to wheedle it out of her, she wants to very very badly but is frustrated do to vaginal pain.
When i say vaginal pain she has told me it causes pain to merely come in contact with the vaginal organ. she finds tampons to be horribly uncomfortable and painful and only once was i ever able to even insert on finger inside which took an hour of relazing and going very slow plus a ton of lube.
Our relationship is fairly stable as is right now we both engage in oral sex very avidly and enjoy it very much it is just we would like to take our relationship a step up to simultanously stimulating event but however are having problems,
Any suggestions would be extremly helpful, Thank You
As you look around you will find a few threads on vaginismus. It would be helpful if she were as interested in getting help as you are. There is absolutely nothing you can do to help this except backoff. Many women do overcome early vaginismus but you describe a pretty difficult situation. When she is with you, she is trying a s hard as she can to accommodate you. Each "failure" makes a subsequent failure even more likely. Some women finally give up and lead essentially celibate lives. There are some sexless marriages. If you are each willing to live with all sexual activity that does not involve penetration, no problem.
Vaginismus is an involuntary contraction of the muscles surrounding the vaginal entrance. It is more a psychological condition than physical. Virtually all doctors have encountered this; very few know what to do next. Any gyn worth going to has an ongoing relationship with some therapy group that can treat vaginismus. I would encourage her to read up on the internet but avoid the sites selling cures. No such thing. Face-to-face therapy is required in "advanced" cases.
If she wants further advice, have her log on here and send me a pm. I am in Scotland and so can make no direct referrals but can help her figure out what to say to the doctor.
I recommend no further attempts or even suggestions of penetration. You are correct in identifying these as frightening to her. But, she needs to be the one to seek the help.