OK here's the back story. I have been with my BF for 2.5 years, we've worked hard towards getting me to orgasm. I say "we" because I know that the orgasm is not his job or anything, it is my own responsibility. We went a long time without me being able to get off while with him, but we have found some techniques that work after a lot of practicing.
I can orgasm regularly from masturbation. I have always masturbated using a vibrator, rarely can I get myself off using fingers only. I have tried to lose the vibrator many times, to see if I could experiment with orgasming in other ways, but never with much success. Now that my BF and I live together, I rarely masturbate on my own. I have found that I can orgasm occasionally during oral sex with my BF, but I have found that I can orgasm consistently if I use a vibrator while he is penetrating me. This is big for me, being able to orgasm every single time we have sex. I was used to never orgasming, then I got used to only being able to get there some of the time. It was frustrating, those times I didn't get "mine". Now I have to say that I have become addicted to it, and every single time we have sex I want to use my vibrator because I know that is what is going to get me off.
Here's the problem. My BF doesn't like me using the vibrator. His reasons are that 1.) the vibrating sensation is distracting to him, lessens his enjoyment of sex. and 2.) I suspect it is some emotional problem as well, a blow to the ego that he cannot make me orgasm like that on his own without the help of a vibrator. I feel bad, I want to stop using it for him, but it is truly addicting and hard to go back to not easily orgasming again. If this was purely a sexual relationship I think the solution would be a lot simpler, and I would be much more selfish about things. But we are in a relationship deeper than that, and when there are feelings to consider I am not sure how to handle it. I can simply stop using the vibrator for his pleasure but I hate thinking about having to give up my own newly found pleasure.
It sounds like it's more emotional problem (the ego) like you say. i mean i am no expert. But from my experience it shouldn't bother him that you want to stimulate yourself. Most confident guys would find a girl playing with herself while they have sex very stimulating.
I use a vibrator myself, not all the time tho. but every time i do, my boyfriend seems to have no problem with it and has actually mentioned liking how the extra feeling of the vibrator feels on him. :o
So i suggest you talk to him about it. But like i said i'm not an expert.
Thanks for the reply. I've been talking to him about this recently. I've tried to make a compromise without telling him, because talking about it seems to make the ego problem a lot worse. I swear, men and their egos...they are all so fragile sometimes.
If we spend a LOT of time on foreplay, I won't use the vibrator until the very very end of intercourse, when we are both close to finishing. This he doesn't seem to mind, because I have enjoyed plenty of other things that he's done to me before that. I always enjoy everything he does, it's just that I can't orgasm from it. I don't know any women IRL that have been able to orgasm from penetration alone, I know I am not the only one. When we are having a
"quickie", I will pull out the vibrator right away and go to town, because just like he can make himself orgasm in five minutes when he wants to - so can I, with the vibrator. This is when he has a problem with it, he feels like I'd rather use the vibrator than his penis. The truth is that I want both, not one or the other. So we've cut down on "quickies" recently, so that he can feel that I don't just use the vibrator to get off and that's it.
Waits for EEK to come in & spurt some more irrelevant simplistic garbage...
> I have always masturbated using a vibrator, rarely can I get myself off using fingers only. I have tried to lose the vibrator many times, to see if I could experiment with orgasming in other ways, but never with much success.
Here is a partial quote from the "How Do I Get Him/Her..." Sticky post:
"One of my favorite oral techniques is to use my lips as a vibrator. To do this just pucker up and blow through them making a motor boat engine sound. (Add humming for more intensity) You can vary the intensity of the air being expelled, the pressure used, all to make her squirm in wild abandon."
The likely reason you are having difficulty transitioning from a vibrator to fingers is conditioning. You've become accustomed to the intensity of the vibrations and anything less is just not doing it. My recommendation in the past as now is to recondition your nerves, a process that will take some time, so just keep at it. In the end, you can have your vibrator, tongue, fingers and a "hummmdinger" of an arousal.
Yes, Doc, but ........
Given the numbers I throw around (25% of women never experience orgasm, .....), some of us simply need a vibrator. I, too, encourage women to work at the transition to fingers alone but an orgasm is an orgasm and if it takes a vibrator, so be it.
Katiebug's orgasm is hers not his. If he feels belittled by using the vibrator, that is his problem.
I am not a regular user, Katie, but my g/f has one and we sometimes use it together - and I have borrowed it. A couple men with whom i have used while they were inside, found it interesting. I, too, do not reach orgasm through penetration and thrusting but I love to come with a penis in me. I have a favorite position that allows me to finger myself while holding him in me. A vibrator also can be used and gives me the orgasm whilst he is there.
I have also had the hum-jobs (feels good but is really part of the oral that usually grabs me). Eva likes them better than I but has never had a man do it for her.
You two talk this out. Perhaps delay getting the vibe a while. If he is insistent on ot using it, you have a decision to make it. I opt for orgasms.