Hi,

I believe there have been two separate discussions about FWB within the past week or so. Have you read them? Also, during the past three and a half years, have you read any of the discussions about "I think I'm ready for sex, but...."

If you have to ask the question about the latter, then you are definitely not ready. If your immediate desire is to have a FWB relationship, then you have to develop a "F" first, before the "w/B", part of the equation for this to work best.

Occasionally, the two in a FWB relationship will eventually fall in love; others will not. They may "love" the other person yet not be "in love" with them.

I have always recommended that whatever the path, it is best to develop a friendship, first and foremost, then let the relationship develop.

> ..but in my head I'm thinking "hell no". so I kindly declined.

Wise decision, that. Give the relationship time to develop and/or mature. If it doesn't go very far as is often the case when dating, then go in search of the next person in line and so on and on. We often tell h/s girls that to give in to some young stud's desires so soon will not get you where you want to be because he will often think of you as "easy" or having no moral principles.

"not just anyone" ??? Why not? Do you think you'll be "tainted" ??

Yeah, yeah, special, love, must have some meaning to it, give it up, my virginity is precious - okay - but what if all you've been taught has been done with the express purpose of keeping you ignorant, of keeping you fearful (of being used), of keeping you wrapped in a soft protective cocoon until some Grand Romance or Marriage wherein some man comes to 'claim you as his own' knowing he'd never have to compete with your memories?

"I want the real deal." and how on earth, with no experience whatsoever, would you even know if this is the "real deal"?

Relationships are all well and good but you DO have to have some experience in dealing with not only him and his desires but also your own to make them viable. To understand human relations you have to get involved in human relations at ALL levels. Yes, it is going to hurt now and again but as you gain experience, you make fewer and fewer 'mistakes'.

And you learn that men aren't big and bad and brutal persons but vulnerable and driven and often confused persons. Most men are decent people if given a proper chance.

Next time - don't be so quick to turn down what's freely offered.

Whereas I understood "the real deal" to be an emotional attachment of some kind. Love, perhaps? Romance? Some illusion that "you're special"?

All you really need to know is can he be trusted just enough.

Regretting your first time is not guaranteed you know and your perceptions of your first time will change over time as you mature.

What you need to know, for sex, you will know within the first 30 minutes, 5 if you're experienced, of making his acquaintance. What you need to know for a relationship takes months. What you need to know for marriage takes years. You take your time over relationships and marriage - not sex.

I really believe we have accomplished something positive on this site when two of us like EEK and I in this example can give the o/p, you, two different and valid points to consider.

> I just don't want to regret my first time.

Please read this two-part article:
HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:

The information in them is valid for a variety of scenarios and this includes just getting your "ticket" punched, as the saying goes.

In Part One, please pay attention to the paragraph on "Square One". Part Two contains general suggestions.

Next, please read this article:

What Can I/We Do To Prepare For First Time Intercourse?

What "regret" do you not want to have?
* Having sex with the wrong person?
* Being ignored once the deed has been accomplished?
* That it will hurt?
* That you will not have any positive emotional results?
* That once you have a penis inside of you, you will have regrets?
* That the experience didn't go as you had envisioned and you
do not want to do it, again, or are at least apprehensive about a
repeat performance?
* That once the deed has been accomplished, you now wish you
had waited?
* Other?

> Before an sexual encounters happen I would at least like to get to know the person first before I do anything sexual with them.

There are a couple of approaches one can take:
A#1: A quickie sex for sex sake get it over with
A#2: Wait, for the right time, place, partner, and reason

If your goal is to simply open the hymen, you can probably do this yourself. If you want a man involved, then learn to separate your emotions from the physical aspect and let him go about accomplishing the "mechanics" without a lot of fanfare.

Because you do want "to get to know the person first", my question is how much?
* Just enough to know he is not a bad guy?
* Just enough to know he does not have a "social disease"?
* Just enough to know has some concern for how things will be done?
* Just enough to know he is someone you want to continue to date?
* Other?

> He knew me less than 48 hours and was already begging to give me oral sex. I was a little freaked out about that.

How long do you plan to wait after meeting him to ask about whether or not he is interested in poking you in fun?

What is your reason or objective in losing your virginity, now?

What do you think your experience will be having intercourse for the first time?

I recommend that you read the articles listed in the Index regarding making out and also preparing to have sex the first time, and also, how to.

> I know how it feels to receive oral sex but sometimes I want the real deal. I'm kind of confused with myself at this point.

EEK, I believe Tataa is referring to having intercourse as the real deal--at least this is how I interpreted her statement.

Tataa, as explained in the article on experience, each new "relationship" has a new and unique set of dynamics. Each pairing will be somewhat different with no two being exactly alike. "The real deal" or experience will likely be different with each guy you meet, and, with each time the two of you do the real deal.

Rarely will the first time be completely satisfying, emotionally and/or mechanically, so do not set your expectations too high, particularly without any prior experience. Your base line should only be that I am going to get nude in front of this dude, and he is going to poke at me in fun (mostly for his fun) and I will hopefully have my hymen torn, perhaps with some discomfort, perhaps not.

Of concern ahead of time for you are:
1. what form of contraceptive will I use?
2. that you insist that he wear a condom
3. that the two of you also use a third form of contraceptive--
a spermicide. (At the very bare bones minimum, you should use
the last two.)
4. that you visit your doctor and have a pre-sex check up so you
have peace of mind that everything is good to go. Use this opportunity
to ask any questions you may have.
5. if your first time is unsuccessful as it might be if your hymen is
particularly thick and/or well secured, then what? Will you make
another attempt and if so when?
6. Once the deed is done and you have had a penis inside of you--
now what?

Lastly, are you orgasmic, meaning are you able to achieve
orgasms regularly and consistently from masturbation? If not, then
do not expect that you will have one from intercourse. Why?
First, because orgasms are learned and self taught. Each of us is responsible
for our own, we do not give them away to our partner; second, if there is
any discomfort it will short circuit your nervous system making it probable that even if you can climax, you will most likely not; third, orgasms from intercourse involve other hot spots and while possible, it is not always a given that a woman will enjoy an orgasm just from stroking. Usually, help is required so what a kind, considerate, compassionate, knowledgeable, lover will do is to reach around and stimulate you manually, also.

If you are orgasmic, my suggestion is to enjoy one or more orgasms before you attempt intercourse. You will have enjoyed the intimacy, the pleasure, and also, the orgasm will help the process of penetration go better.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

Truthfully, you will never really know anyone THAT well because human beings are 'moving targets' - constantly growing and maturing.

Developing your instincts about people is therefore most important.
Please read the Article about Red Flags.

You do not need to be able to trust this person absolutely. You need to trust your partner just far enough to enjoy him and have a good time yourself.

Actually, you need to be able to trust the person to the degree to which you decide you need to be able to trust the person. Which is a very circular way of saying "to each her own."

Tataa, if you're looking for the right time, place, person and reason, you'll know it when it hits. Be attentive to red flags, and trust your gut. But most certainly have your protections in place.

What on earth does your comment have to do with the original poster's concern? You seem to be posting just to hear yourself talk, or in this case, to read what you post. Please stop this nonsense.

I could become your Fwb haha