Hi Guys great to be here
I need a little help from some you fine ladies
I have been married for 14 years and have an ok sex life
my problem is I want GREAT sex life
my wife likes sex but at times I feel she could do with out it (I cant) she dose give me oral sex and will at times let me give her oral sex but usually all she wants is penetration (she usually has a single orgasm during sex) she also finds it difficult to relax during sex and doesn't like me fingering her
what I want to know is how do I get her to relax and just go with the flow ??
I love her very much and do try and respect her wishes
Andy 
My psychiatrist friends say they cannot cure someone who does not want to be cured. If your wife is content with what is happening, she has no reason to change anything. BTW, there are many, many women who would consider one orgasm each time to be very good and satisfying.
In other words, you have the need, not she. Who knows why she does not like being touched. That is in the mists of her sexual/religious/family history. Your desire needs to be shared in order to move ahead. Perhaps, expression of your less than complete satisfaction; perhaps with a therapist helping the conversation; perhaps her learning more about her own body.
Regrettably, this difference, unresolved, often leads to seeking extra-curricular activity. So you have three choices: talk it out; live with it; find a friend. I think the last stinks but I point it out because it is such a common "solution" that leads to much greater problems.
thank you for the helpful and thoughtful replies
all of the advice was along the lines of what I had been think especially the TALKING to her part
one of the main problems with our sex life has been her religious upbringing.
Both of us were virgins when we were married and we also married very young 19 and 21 so we have had to learn from each other as we have gone along
we have spoken about our sexlife and I have explained that as we both believe Marriage is for life we should be having as much fun with as little inhabitations as possible
she says she agrees and I know he dose try but I still feel sometimes that sex to her is a bit of a Chore !!!
I know she really enjoys Cudding and being held so contact Is not the problem
Any more thoughts would be appericated
Panda, I too have been married for a long time (17yrs) and while sex is not as frequent with my wife, it is still extraordinary. You don't mention if your wife has always preferred "straight sex" over heavy petting or if her tastes have changed over the years.
If you're household is anything like mine, simply finding the time and energy to have sex on a regular basis is a challenge. Again, not knowing too much about your circumstances, here are my thoughts.
Being with one partner for so long can result in a pattern of sexual practice. As such, your wife may feel that she get's the most satisfaction from intercourse so she simply wants to "get to it and get it over with." You say that she enjoys sex, but has trouble relaxing. Is it possible that you're moving a little too quickly and she doesn't get the chance to relax?
If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion. Try and "schedule" a few hours out of your busy schedules on a weekend. Ask the neighbors or a friend to watch the kids if you have them and let your wife have a little downtime. Find a nice movie, something that you think she'll like, and sit down with her to watch it. Don't let her worry about the laundry or any other normal activities. Make it HER day.
Toward the end of the movie, run her a nice warm bath and light some candles. Again, reinforce that this is HER time to relax. While she's relaxing in the bath, light some candles in your bedroom, warm some oil and put on some soft music.
When she exits the bath, take her by the hand and lead her to the bed. Now, one of two things will happen. She'll go with the moment, or she'll hesitate. If she hesitates, be OK with that. Let her relax and you go do the chores that she would normally be doing. If she's interested in seeing where you're going with this, reinforce, again, that this is HER day.
Now, give her a slow, luxurious full body massage. Let her direct you. Ask her what feels good. Gently explore her body and take note of what she responds to and what she does not. TAKE YOUR TIME! Gently caress her breasts, buttocks, thighs, hands, face and feet. Don't let her try to engage you. This is her time. Talk to her. Ask her what she likes. Ask her what she wants you to do.
Ramble, ramble, ramble. Sorry. The point is- Focus all your energy on pleasing her and most importantly, pay attention to her queues- COMMUNICATE.
Some good ideas there from ?wiseman? - anything is worth trying!
However, Brandye pretty much hit it on the head re changing the underlying issues. Hopefully you guys can find a compromise that works for you both!